I have been friends with this guy for 10 years - he is getting married for the second time ( I have know him about 2 years longer than his wife to be) and I wasn't invited to his wedding. It is only suposed to be a small wedding family only - but some co workers were invited. I have always been there for him as him for me. I always help him out and he refers to me and my family as his extended family. Two years ago - I wasn't invited to his surprise birthday party - she made the list - he was very upset that I wasn't there and I told him that I was never invited First he blamed her then he took it back and blamed a friend who gave her the list. She doesn't like me, when she says hello or talks to me she never looks at me in the face. I have always tolerated it b/c it has nothing to do with his and my firendship - but she has always been jealous of our relationship. I used to go over his house all the time until she found out. She and her mom made the list and I don't think he knows.
2007-08-23 09:21:12 · 49 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Good grief - what a petty, jealous bunch of people!! I'm surprised by how many posters say that they wouldn't want their wives/husbands to have a close opposite sex friend, and I just don't get it. My fiance and I each have close opposite sex friends, and it's perfectly fine. In fact, we sometimes hang out with those friends even if the other one isn't around (although the other is always invited). You know why it's ok? We trust each other, and we know that our friends respect our relationship.
The only time you should ever be worried about an opposite-sex friend is if your partner is excluding you from that friendship or if the other person obviously violates the boundaries of your relationship.
Couples won't always love each other's friends, but they should at least understand that those friendships are important. Your friend's fiance needs to grow up. If she's being sneaky and doing things behind his back, they're headed for trouble.
I've been through something similar, and it sucked.
As far as the wedding: If this guy is one of your closest friends, I think you should talk to him about it. Even if you just say something like "Congratulations on the wedding. I understand that you couldn't invite many friends, but I wanted to let you know that I'll be thinking of you." That way, you'll let him know you weren't invited, but you'll do it gracefully. He can deal with it from there.
2007-08-23 11:06:27 · answer #1 · answered by SE 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋
I would shoot him an email telling him that you are happy for him and congrats, but that you are a little hurt that you were not invited to his wedding, but co workers were. SImply state that you felt your friendship was a little closer than co workers and that if it is not, just to let you know so you at least know where you stand and can treat your friendship as it should be treated. I mean it is silly to think that you are still so close to someone if they are not even inviting you to the wedding. You know. You don't want to be "that person" that thinks they are more important than they are in his life. I am not at all trying to be rude, just blunt. Why continue to put time and energy into a friendship when the other half will not. Find out the true state of your friendship as he sees it and go from there. It might hurt, but you will know.
2007-08-23 09:52:56 · answer #2 · answered by MissyV 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You answered your own question in the last sentence. If she doesn't like you and she made the list, that's why you weren't invited! She's probably jealous of your relationship with her fiance, and despite the fact that nothing's there besides friendship, she's still envious of how close you are to him. Don't be hurt because he didn't do anything to hurt you. If you feel the need, confront him about her actions and how they make you feel. Keep in mind however, that weddings these days are CRAZY expensive and they're probably trying to keep down the guest list. They may feel obligated to invite some of these coworkers because of their positions at work, and of course the family because that's a given. Honestly, it's their decision about who to invite, and if she doesn't feel comfortable with you being there, she can probably manipulate him into not allowing you to come. Try not to feel hurt, and if you do or do not end up going to the wedding, try to show her in future meetings how friendly you can be and how you do not have any other feelings for her husband than friendship. Good luck!
2007-08-23 09:29:40 · answer #3 · answered by Oneofthesedays 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him a call and offer your early congratulations. Mention that you understand you weren't invited because it's a family-only affair, but you still wish him the best. If he thought you had been invited, he can correct the mistake then. If you weren't invited on purpose because it IS a family-only event, then I'd say you just have to be an adult about it. Understand that weddings are extremely expensive and the guest list was likely very limited to save on costs. I would NOT confront him or waste time being hurt about the whole affair.
Send him a gift and offer your best wishes anyway. After all, he is a really good friend, right?
2007-08-23 09:30:57 · answer #4 · answered by corinne1029 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I understand that you would be hurt by not being invited, but a wedding is a different situation than a birthday party. This day is strictly about your friend and his soon to be wife. If she does not want you there, then that is her right.
You could mention it to your friend, the groom, and just put it like, "Is there any reason why I wasn't invited?" That way he will be sure to be aware of the situation and can invite you if it was an accident that you were left off the list.
Otherwise just chalk it up to her jealousy and move on. It's her day.
2007-08-23 09:28:30 · answer #5 · answered by lindsaysfrogs 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Confront him, maybe he didn't realize that you weren't invited. It's all right to feel hurt. I would if I was in your shoes.
Why does she not like you? I know that you said that she's jealous or that she feels threatened by your friendship. What I mean to say is that have you done anything that has caused her to think that your friend would be better off without your friendship? Just asking.
One more thing, why didn't you ask your friend about not getting an invitation before the wedding.
If I knew my good friend was getting married and I had not recieved the invite, I would have been like "What up girlfirend?, where's my invite?"
2007-08-23 09:28:47 · answer #6 · answered by binreddy 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he doesn't know you weren't invited, then how do you even know?
It could be he really does just want to have a small wedding with just his fam since it is the second time around for him. And he prob just invited work people b/c of 'work politics.'
Any woman would be upset if another woman was constantly going over to her soon-to-be-husbands house. Think of how you would feel. She prob feels threatened by your relationship with him.
On the flip, he should have at least invited you. But if that woman is as crazy as you say, be glad she counted you out! Drama!
2007-08-23 09:41:15 · answer #7 · answered by Mimi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His fiancee feels threatened by you, as well she should be, to be honest. She loves him and she wonders if there may be some secret relationship between you. No doubt she's trying to shake you off somehow.
Don't pressure him to turn on his bride-to-be for being nervous, but just try to assure her that it's nothing but a friendship. Get to know her if you can, so she knows you better and may be able to judge you for herself. Either way, get yourself to that wedding -- tell your guy friend that you haven't been invited and he may convince his fiancee that he really wants you there. Hope that she knows few sane men dare invite "mistresses" to the wedding.
Blaming someone is not an option, but communicating is. She's pulling strings to keep you away from your friend, so instead of trying to get to him so much, try to get to HER. Congratulate her on the wedding, and don't mention how lucky she is or how awesome the bridegroom is if you can manage not to.
Hope this helps, and good luck :)
2007-08-23 09:30:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Maybe she has something do with it and doesn't like her fiance's relationship with you and can't understand that you are good friends and have been for a long time.I think you should tell him how your feeling and how you don't understand why you didn't get an invite and hopefully he'll open up to you and tell you the situation.I mean I don't think he forgot lol although I understand a lot of preparation goes into a wedding.
2007-08-23 09:29:07 · answer #9 · answered by Classy Clarissa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you werent invited out of respect for her. if she doesnt like you maybe she asked that you not be invited. I know it probably sucks, but think how she feels having her fiances best friend be a girl and you being over there hanging out with him and stuff. I would probably be a bit jealous too. so maybe thats why you werent invited. I wouldnt confront him though. if he really wants you there that badly I'm sure he would have asked if you were on the guest list.
2007-08-23 11:17:27 · answer #10 · answered by Jenn ♥Cadence Jade's mum♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋