My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.
We’ve discovered that when I’m in a good mood, it turns green. And, when I’m in a bad mood, it leaves a big frickin’ red mark on his forehead.
Maybe next time he’ll buy me a diamond.
2007-08-23 09:18:43 · 21 answers · asked by Jim Jnr M 6 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Diamond is the hardest known substance.
Remember that next time she gets mad.........lol
2007-08-23 09:26:25 · answer #1 · answered by Queen Latifah 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I like this one better: The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done,there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . . Kill her!!" The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job.Take your wife and go home." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. "This gun is loaded with blanks", she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair." MORAL: Women are crazy. Don't mess with them.
2016-05-21 01:24:21 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very good Joke maybe my boyfriend will do the same thing by getting me a DIAMOND!!!!!
He got me a love mood ring a few weeks back!!!!
2007-08-23 17:29:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice one - I'll just equal the balance a bit:-
I bought the wife a bag and a belt for valentines day - the hoover works perfectly now (the old ones are the best)
2007-08-23 09:32:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Husband 1.0
Last year a friend of mine upgraded from BoyFriend 1.0 to Husband 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog, leaving very little system resources available for other applications.
She is now noticing that Husband 1.0 is also spawning Child Processors which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed her that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.
Not only that, Husband 1.0 installs itself such, that it is always launched at system initialization, where it can monitor all other system activity. She's finding that some applications such as SpendingSpree 2.4, GirlsNight 3.5 and CocktailNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before).
During installation, Husband 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-ins such as MotherInLaw 5.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.
Some features she'd like to see in the upcoming Husband 2.0 include:
1. A "Yes I'll cook, clean etc." button.
2. An install shield feature that allows Husband 2.0 be installed with the option to uninstall at anytime without the loss of cache and other system resources.
I myself decided to avoid the headache associated with Husband 1.0 by sticking with BoyFriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many problems.
Apparently you cannot install BoyFriend 2.0 on top of BoyFriend 1.0; each program begins damaging the other. You must uninstall BoyFriend 1.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug that I should have known about. You'd think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now! To make matters worse, the uninstall program for BoyFriend 1.0 doesn't work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system.
Another thing--all versions of BoyFriend 1.0 continually popup little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Husband 1.0.
Bug Warning
Husband 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Lover 1.1 before uninstalling Husband 1.0, Husband 1.0 will delete MS Clothing allowance files, before doing the uninstall himself.
More applications that won't run with Husband 1.0 include Chippendale 2.0, Netballwatching 3.5, Suremoreshoes 6.0, and Cleanup 4.3.
Applications that run very well with Husband 1.0, however, include Bummingaround 1.0, Pubnight 2.3, Golfing 2.7, Pokernight 5.3, and Wanderingeyes 4.9.
2007-08-23 09:25:39 · answer #5 · answered by Guilty innocence 4 · 2⤊ 3⤋
hahha....funny,,,here;s one for you
Dolly Parton and Prince Charles die on the same day and arrive at Heaven's gate at the same time. They are greeted by an angel at the gate and all three of them start to have a casual conversation. Eventually, the angel asks them, "Why do you think you should get into Heaven?"
Dolly Parton opens her blouse and says," Are you kidding, these are the greatest things God has ever created."
The angel then turns to Prince Charles and asks, "Well, what about you?"
Prince Charles replies, " Give me a glass of chardonnay and I'll show you." The angel honors his request and then Prince Charles takes a sip of the wine, walks over to a toilet that's by the gate, gurgles it around a bit, and then spits into the toilet and flushes it.
The angel replies, "Well, I can see you're DEFINITELY getting into Heaven."
Dolly is outraged and yells, "WHAT, all he did was spit in a toilet and then flush it. How does that earn him a place in Heaven?!"
The angel replies, "Because a royal flush always beats a pair no matter how big it gets!"
CHeeRioS
2007-08-23 09:25:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 8⤊ 1⤋
little puggy x a star for making me laugh out loud x after talking to myself its the second sign of madness! x
2007-08-23 09:43:52 · answer #7 · answered by orac 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ha ha good one. I have a mood ring but no forehead to hit with it except mine!!
:-)))
2007-08-23 10:23:15 · answer #8 · answered by Teejay 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
rofl too funny, if he bought her the diamond first he would not got hurt , keep em coming and cheering me up thx for the laugh
star for you hun
2007-08-23 11:37:49 · answer #9 · answered by Deedee 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is brill.
I am a lady of a certain age and my husband understands completly where you are coming from.
Shame.
2007-08-23 09:28:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋