Dreading a wedding to go or not to go?

Question

Hubby work "friend" getting married. Let me also say that I consider this guy a work aquantice not a frined. Anyway at work my husband was given a nick name by these so called "friends" Even though they all have a nick name I feel that what they call my husband is dirotory, not nice, childish in additon to being a refelction on me. The name is stinky. Hubby was working on the side doing garbage removal. So any way I really do not want to go to this wedding and sit at a table with these people. I do not find belittleing someone funny nor would I be a part of it regarless of who it was. I think it best for me not to attend and him attend alone as I do not want the focal point to be my response to there coments or me leaving and walking out. My husband told the groom we were going but I would like to call and say only he will be attending. What is the proper thing to do. My husband thinks I am being silly and says I take things to heart that it's only a joke and who cares.

I feel this nick name should be kept at work and in addition the other guys do not have a nick name that is negative. I do not want to sit there while my husband is belittled.

Answer 1

If you can manage to take a cue from your husband and learn to deal with it, then go. He finds the name amusing, apparently. Not everyone takes offense at these sorts of jokes, and your husband is obviously one of them.

If you can't find a way to cope with a joke that he clearly doesn't find offensive without doing or saying something you'll regret, then it's probably best to call and say you're going to have to bow out due to a family emergency.

There is no need to inform them the emergency is that you're going to blow your top in the middle of their wedding because you are offended at a joke.

Simply assure them it isn't anything life-threatening and your husband will still be able to make it, but you really can't avoid this.

Then tell your husband you love him and know he finds the joke funny, but you just can't find it in your heart to take it in the same spirit he does.

Everyone has a different sense of humor. Sometimes I find something wildly funny that my husband cannot grasp at all. Sometimes he finds something funny that absolutely makes my skin crawl. I don't try to share the things I already know he thinks are just sick, and he no longer attempts to get me to see the humor in the Three Stooges. We both laugh at enough things together that a few unshared jokes aren't going to ruin our marriage.

Making a public scene over a joke that doesn't offfend the person it's directed at, though, would not be a good way to deal. Don't go if there's any significant chance of that.

Answer 2

I think that since this is your husband's friend getting married and he wants to go you should support that decision (has he gone places with you that he would rather not have gone? turnabout is fair!). Do you know if the other wives are going? If so maybe you can find a supporter amongst them and between the 2 (or more) of you it could be possible to get these guys to stop with the childish behavior for one evening!

If you don't go you are only going to open your husband up for more derogatory remarks and more embarrassment and you won't have a leg to stand on to criticize anyone for it because it'll be of your own making.

Bite the bullet and go to the wedding - you can always have a back up plan understood by both of you that if it gets too rough one of you can remember another function you need to attend shortly after dinner. Have a code worked out so that the other person knows whats going on and doesn't counter with "huh?"

Good Luck and try to at least fake your way to having some fun!

Answer 3

I think you're overreacting, no offense. Maybe they view it as a sense of comradery when teasing him and giving him a nickname, guys do it all the time. I think that you are making this about yourself, not your husband. I personally think you should go to the wedding and have a good time with your husband and show your support, but if you really feel you can't go and be social, then don't. It would be embarrassing for him to be there with you if you're going to be miserable. Also, people invite co-workers to weddings all of the time, it doesn't have to be just close friends. I think you need to loosen up a bit. Especially when your husband is not bothered by it at all.

Answer 4

I think there are two different issues here. First, should you go to support your husband? It sounds like he is not offended by the name calling. If he isn't, I guess I am confused as to why you are. You two should work this out.

Second, as a bride to be, if you are closer than two weeks before the wedding, it's really rude to not show after saying you would as they already now have to pay for you, have had to work seating charts around you, etc. If the wedding is not in the next two weeks, by all means, call the couple and tell them you can't come. Don't give a reason. No one wants someone at their special day that isn't going to be happy to be there and happy for them.

Good luck!

Answer 5

If your husband doesn't care, if he takes it as the joke it is intended to be, I cannot understand why you would allow it to upset you so. I think you go there for your husband's sake...he has to work with these people, and it might really embarrass him to have to attend something like that and make up some excuse as to why his wife isn't by his side. I personally think that's worse than a childish nickname.

Answer 6

I hate to say this but if your husband doesnt mind the nickname his "friends" Call him you shouldnt either. Why you ask? You dont have to deal with them every day, he does and if he thinks you need to attened this wedding with him then go. It is so you can meet them and that is a wonderful thing. Could be worse he could be asking you to stay at home because he thinks you make a scene. Hope I helped.

Answer 7

I think you may be overacting a little bit. Think about your husbands feelings not his friends and not even yours. How do you think he would feel if you didn't attend that wedding just because of a little joke him and the groom have together. It would not only make you look bad but your husband as well. Just really think about it before you make your decision.

Answer 8

Ok little girl---sometimes we just have to suck up our feelings and do things for our HUSBANDS--especially when it involves people at his WORK....you are LUCKY he wants you WITH him---a LOT of guys try to keep their WORK LIFE separate from their WIVES.... guys DO joke around and if your husband isn't offended by the name---you shouldn't be either... a wedding is a time to dance, have a good time--hopefully a good meal and spend some time all dressed up where it won't cost you much to have a GOOD TIME WITH YOUR HUSBAND.....

Answer 9

I think you need to step back and look at this--guys are jokers. Was your husband offended? Why are you offended?

It sounds like the name was meant as a joke, not to hurt or make your husband feel miserable.

I would go to the wedding to support your HUSBAND. They are paying $20/head for you and your husband and the least you can do is attend.

Answer 10

Forgive me for saying so, but aren't you being a little overly dramatic? It doesn't seem to bother your husband so why does it bother you so much?

Let your husband make the excuses and apologies for you when he gets there. Be honest with yourself, making the call to say you wouldn't be there is more about you getting your point across than proper etiquette.