My step daughter's mother wants me to have custody of her. How should I address her family?

Question

My step daughter will be living with me soon. Her mother is dying from gout and liver cancer. She tells me that I'm the best candidate since I've raised five daughters and two granddaughters and one grandson (in which we've recently lost). My step daughter only sees her father only once a week and he hasn't changed since he was with me years ago. He's still abusing drugs and alcohol. But his ex-girlfriend trust me to be a good mother. Her parents disagree and think that the little girl should be with them. They're in their sixties and set in their ways and are just adjusting to their daughters interracial relationship. We don't think that it would me fair to her. The first example was the act of cutting off the child's hair instead of learning how to take care of her hair. Otherwise they seem very nice.

Answer 1

The one thing that must be considered by all parties involved is: what situation is going to be best suited for the child. From what you said, it sounds like she'd be better off with you than her own father, and if that's what the mother wishes, and you agree to it, then I don't see how her parents have much to say in the whole scheme of things. But she must tell them and talk to them, its up to her to do that.

Answer 2

I am a little confused about the relationships here, if she is yoru step daughter, then you are married to her fater, but you said that she only sees her father once a week?

The mother, if she is dying, needs to make her wishes known and clear, in writing, in a will and to her family. Another question is how old is the daughter? If she is old enough, she may well have a legal right to voice her own opinion.

Either way, it's the MOTHER who needs to approach her family, ot you.

Answer 3

It is not up to you too approach the family it is up to your step daughter's mother, to relay her wishes to the family and why.