is there anything you could suggest for me to do to save my relationship with my family?

Question

what i have been dreading happened yesterday. my aunt and uncle raised me and they are very strict and baptist. well yesterday my aunt started questioning me about my religion. i am an honest person so i told her the truth. kinda. we were on the phone for four hours both crying. she thinks im atheist because i know she would go CRAZY if she found out i was wiccan. she told me to stay away from my younger cousins (which really hurt because they are close to my age and we all had been very close) and that she doesnt think that she or anyone else in this side of the family can have a relationship with me until i have a relationship with jesus. is there anything that you can suggest i do besides lie and be fake about my believes to try to salvage the relationship with my family?? its just a really hard time right now and it honestly broke my heart. i would never try to push my believes on them so why cant they accept me like i accept them?

Answer 1

They can't because they are Christian. Keep the lines of communication open. Hopefully their love will make them come around.

atheist

Answer 2

I'm sorry for what you are going through and everybody wants to make family relationships work. But having said that, not every family relationship can work and yours looks like one of those. You'll often come up against situations in this world where you will have to ask yourself what is most important to you. How do others see you VS. how do you see yourself. Only you can answer that when it comes up but I can never remember choosing anything but the second answer. You only have control over how you view yourself so if what you believe is important to you but it offends someone else, family or not, then the answer is obvious to me. Like yourself, respect yourself and be yourself. Nobody has the right to demand that you change to fit their views while casting away yours. They have the problem, not you.

If it's true that misery loves company, I have experienced much the same situation as yours. My son is devoutly christian and I am an atheist and he and his wife have decided that I would not be represented to their children as part of their family although my christian wife is still welcome into their home. My son and I have not spoken in almost four years. I'm not happy about it but to a degree, child of mine or not, I don't really want to associate with someone of such little tolerance for other people's views anyway. Good luck and take care and always do the right thing, no matter how painful at first.

Answer 3

I know it will be hard, but I am a firm believer in telling the truth. Then you don't have to explain later why you lied when the truth comes out, which it just about always does.

Be loving, but firm. If they are open to hearing about your beliefs, by all means let them know that Wicca is not Satanism, that it is a loving and beautiful way for you to follow your own spiritual path, and that you are doing what your heart is telling you is right for you. Perhaps once they see that you haven't started acting crazy or eating babies, they will start to realize that their misconceptions were just that.

But tell the truth, if you can, as much as you can. It is much better in the long run. Living a lie is a lot of work. I know!

Answer 4

Your aunt probably will not like my answer, but this is exactly what I did with my family.

My dad's family are all strict Southern Baptist, to where I am a Open-minded Christian. I have read and studied many different religions and science and came to my own conclusions about God. When my family began to tell me everything that I believed was wrong and what-not, I simply stated, "A true Christian loves all. They embrace everyone and if they truly feel someone is going down the wrong path they embrace them. They do not shame that person. For God would never turn his back on his children and we are all children of God."

You will need to tweak this a bit since you are a Wiccan. I truly believe that you must believe in a higher power than yourself and search for what soothes your soul.

Answer 5

Ah, so you have learned why so many of us have extended families. I was blessed to have a Pagan family, but even that can't stop some of the toxicity that parents are prone to! I wish I could say all you have to do is wish and everything will be alright.

This is where I always ask what the nonsense about Christians and family come into play. A difference of religion should not get between family members and cause a rift. It would be better to have a relationship with your family, but you aren't making the rules here.

I wish I could fix this, but I can't. Sorry.

bb's

Answer 6

tell her the way you sense. clarify to her precisely what you have mentioned right here. possibly whilst she realizes that she would relatively lose you over this she will develop up somewhat. you moreover mght ought to understand that girls human beings are normally insecure after having infants, extraordinarily in the event that they sense that having infants has replaced the dating. She may well be wanting some interest from you and for this reason she is citing you sorting out different chicks, she is disappointed which you're no longer checking her out. additionally you assert which you adore her yet are no longer in love together with her, it relatively is something you could desire to handle, considering the fact that's no longer honest to her. while you're no longer in love together with her and are not giving her the emotional help that she desires then how are you able to assume extra from her? so a methods as you being very smart possibly you should hear whilst shes had sufficient and picture approximately how lots of that's truly your fault quite of blaming it on her being immature. coping with 2 babies all day is almost tough and if she is the extensive-unfold caretaker she would relatively want help and not understand the thank you to ask for it devoid of feeling inadequate. It sounds such as you the two would desire to artwork on verbal exchange.

Answer 7

I think it's absolutely despicable when people allow their religious bigotries to take precedence over their relationships with the people they love.

I have more than a few friends whose "religious, morally upright" parents disowned them for being gay, and kicked them out on the street as teenagers.

I can't advise you to lie to her about your religious beliefs in the interest of smoothing things over. Hypocrisy might seem easier in some situations, but you pay for it eventually. All I can really advise is that you keep a discussion going with her, and try to explain why you feel the way you do. Hopefully, she'll learn to respect that.

But, she may not. Those are the breaks. If so, you may never be able to have a close relationship with her again. But you couldn't anyway if it wasn't honest. As for your cousins, if they're the same age as you are, and you're all more or less adults, you're free to hang out with each other all you want, and it's none of your aunt's business.

Answer 8

oh dear, perhaps it is the initial shock of telling her that you are not a Xian. some Xian love, eh? if your cousins are around the same age as you, hopefully they will still seek you out to talk to you and stuff. i hope they are old enough to not listen to their mother's brainwashing lame-a$$ed excuse for you to exiled. The one thing I have learned by being Wiccan is that you find out who your true friends are. I have lost quite a few "friends" since I started this path almost 6 years ago.
Eventually, they may just accept it. But it will take some time, It took my parents some time, and my father wants to become an Episcopal priest! Hang in there. Brightest of Blessings. (:

Answer 9

I'm sorry that's happened to you and I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you. I'm in a similar mess. I'm 17 so I still live with my parents. The thing here is that my mom wouldn't mind that I'm wiccan, my brother is also wiccan, my twin says it scares her(apparently I'm not "established" enough), and my older sister doesn't know. I'm scared to tell mom and other sister because of my twin's reaction. And there's no way I can tell my dad. He started preaching when I stopped going to his church. He thinks anyone isn't pentecostal is going to hell.
Sorry about that. I wish I had advice for you but if you ever need to talk you can email me. Good luck!

Answer 10

you might ask your aunt what she believes Jesus would do. I doubt very much that any true christian would say that he would reject you and shove you away from the family. He would spend a great deal of time praying for your immortal soul and go right on loving you. So, in a very real way, your aunt is NOT christian, she's just a very strange person. You, on the other hand, have made your choice in what to believe, and to maintain your own integrity, you must stick to that belief honestly and openly. If your family rejects you, it is thier loss, and they will ultimately answer for it, if what they believe in is correct. They damn themselves by their actions.

Answer 11

Unfortunately, not really.
Many people, christians and other religions, put their religion before everything else in their lives. The end result is often such situations as yours. Obviously, your history with them isn't as important to them as the fact that you don't have the same faith as they do. They've made their decision.
You can only try to be the reasonable one in this situation and understand that you can't change their beliefs any more than they can change yours.
I think it's also important to remember that they did this. People's actions have meaning.
As much as you love them you've got to understand that this type of behavior is also who they are.
Good luck. I hope they eventually realize their mistake.