In need of wise mature advice...?

Question

I have been in serious relationship since i was in hs.. I love this boy alot.. we've been together for a lot of ups and downs and had gone thru a phase of off and on again... But that's in the past. We have never gave anyone else a chance.. and i'm feekin out when we talk about marriage and moving in together.. (i would move in with his fam) I'm going to 23 and we hav not said we are going to get married but the thought of it... i already get cold feet... I mean this was all i ever wanted... A man that i know for many years.. loves and adores me.. we have a great relationship... Why am i freeking out?? What's wrong with me?

Answer 1

You are "normal". The best person to talk over about this is your Mom. Good luck.

Answer 2

The reason you have asked for mature advice is that you don't see that maturity in your relationship. It sounds like a controlling relationship and the reasons the ups and downs are in the past is that you now have acquiesced to being totally controlled. Even though you had downs, you never had a chance to date others. Now the control will be in the final phase if he can get you under his roof. Then it's complete. Look what he's offering; no security...marriage or a commitment to marriage, no home of your own, you become an extension of his world at home, and you are not kids anymore. All you ever wanted was a man that loves and adores you. You know in your heart that if this were right you wouldn't hesitate for a second. And I would bet I am right about the control. He shows all the classic symptoms and you sound every bit the controlled partner. Make him accountable. Let him get a home for you and approach this on equal ground. If this was right for you, you wouldn't be asking strangers for advice. Good luck...this will not be easy no matter which way you choose.

Answer 3

It sounds that there is something going on that you have not admitted to yourself. Why would you move in with his family? If the two of you cannot get a place of your own getting married doesn't sound like a good idea. Marriage is difficult enough without living with your in-laws. When you get cold feet, some part of your brain is sending you a message to stop and think about what you are doing. I think you should date more people before deciding to get married. There is nothing wrong with you. There is something wrong with the relationship.

Answer 4

Don't move in. Yes your relationship is great and you get along. You are 23. You have plenty of time to gert married. Try to do new things on your own. I'm not saying break up with him, just do somethings without him. Maybe date hime and other people. Do u want to look back and say what might have been? It will also make u a stronger woman knowing u can do things on ur own. how do u know he is right 4 u if haven't been with anybody else. just take things slow!!!! it may be hard to do things at first but, do it ne-way.

Answer 5

If you've been with this guy for a long time it can be quite scary talking about future things like marriage if you've not had much experience with anyone else (Im assuming thats the situation) when the reality hits home that you wont be with anyone else it can be quite scary. the best advice is to talk with him, if he does love you he will understand and maybe feel a similar way or have doubts of his own, you have to be honest with each other if you want a relationship to work, if you hold things back they build up and get at you and he wont know whats going on. Better to deal with this now than letting it get at you and you end up doing something out of character! hope this helps x

Answer 6

take everything a step at a time. humans in general are scared of change and a life change deserves thought and alot of it. if you love him and he loves you give things a try. dont get marrid unless you see you can do it. i am pretty sure you would be ok. if you guys love each other you would not want to lose him over this. if the relationship is great and he adores you... try things .... let him know if not that u need him to move a little bit slower!!! but it has been over 5 years

Answer 7

My Boyfriend and I recently went on a break because we have been together for over 4 years (And I just turned 20). We live together, party together, have the same friends... you get the point. Recently I started to feel the same way so we decided to go on a break. He had a little fun, I had a little fun... now we're back together and things are amazing. You have to be pretty positive that it's not going to ruin your relationship though...

Answer 8

u r probably really nervous about the subject of marriage,like most.make sure ur doing the right thing by asking ur self is this the man i want to spend the rest of my life with this man?
if yes than go for it.if no u need to tell him that u wish to see if anyone in the word is better for eachother.take some time of see other people.relax he'll understand.

good luck, cherry

Answer 9

That,s normal we all get cold feet, because we don,t want to make the wrong choose, but that,s a chance we have to take and if you have been with him for that long you should know that friends make the best lovers and husband.

Answer 10

I think you need time to get your life in order before ya get married, if it true love it will last @ least till ya get your own place.. having cold feet is normal.. but just dont rush into something always have a back up plan

Answer 11

I think you really don't want to miss out on opportunities in life.... It's hard to imagine the times you could have with other people... you're too young and you've been with this guy for too long..... and moving into his families house??? go see the world first get with other men and see if you wanna return to this guy... you will always love each other.......