Why are stay at home moms looked down upon?

Question

I have chosen to stay at home with my son who is now 2. I know it's a gift that is invaluable to him. I have really enjoyed raising him and find it very fullfilling. When someone asks me what I do for a living and I say that I stay at home with my son I always get this weird look from other women. And when it's a woman that works and who has children they usually make some sort of comment about "how nice for you". I don't judge women for returning to work when they have a baby. I don't complain, I mind my own business, so why am I judged? Why do others think I'm lazy? Working mothers don't do it all themselves! They have help. They bring their kids to daycare, or other situations that alows them the freedom so that they can work. I choose to provide that care for my son and I work very hard at giving my son the best that I have to offer.

I don't think I am being too sensitive! I think a lot of other stay at home moms experience the same thing I do. My family lives very modestly. We live in an apartment (3rd floor walk up) and we only own one car. But, putting material things aside I knew I had a choice to make and my son was worth more than anything money can buy. I applaud women who work, or have to work, I would hate to leave my son every day.

Answer 1

I don't look down on stay at home moms. I am one. When asked my occupation, I just say, "Mom." I had this attitude before I became a stay at home mom, and in fact chose not to have kids until I *could* stay at home.

That said, I have also had some bad reactions to it, even from my own family. I've gotten the "You're lazy" look, the "You're never going to amount to anything" look, the jealous look when they didn't get to do that themselves and wanted to, the "You're stupid" look when they didn't get the value of what I'm trying to do, the "You're crazy" look when they thought money was more important or thought of being at home with kids as being stuck or insane due to lack of adult company, etc.

My reaction is the same - quiet acceptance of their beliefs for themselves, and quiet disagreement for myself. I'm not lonely, bored, lazy, crazy, stupid, etc. Anyone who walked a day in my shoes would see that, and anyone who knows me *knows* that. Let them get their entertainment from me in this way if they need to! My friends and family that I care about and who care about me know differently.

Sounds like you've made a good decision for you and your family, which is all any of us can do, really. Good luck! (:

Answer 2

I'm proud to be a stay at home mom. I'm an educated, professional (teacher) taking time off from my career to stay home. I think that a lot of women working would rather stay home but financially can't or think that they can't. Sometimes it is possible to consolidate your bills and/or live on a budget! Anyways, some people might be jealous that they're not at home. But there are some people out there that think we don't do much. As you know, it is the hardest job! I never imagined how hard it would be caring for a child, doing housework, cooking, running errands, etc. Some people are ignorant but I really think that most people realize that SAHMs are not lazy! Anyone with half a brain at least.

Answer 3

I don't think stay at home mom's are lazy at all. I think you guys work very hard and being cooped up all day with kids would drive me nuts. You are strong people. I am a single mom and I stay home too, but I am doing university at home and I still work out once in awhile so I come home refeshed and having had a break. I think stay at home mom's are very strong people. That is ALOT of work. The thing that I dont' understand about stay at home mom's (not critisizing, just answering your question). I dont' understand how a person can stay at home and let someone else make the money and support them. But just because I dont' understand that doesnt' mean it is wrong. I think it is wonderful that you are there for your child. I also, spend more time with my kids than the average person and at one point I lived very poor and only worked part time because my daughter had some anxeity over my working almost full time. No, I think you are strong, keeping house and raising kids is tough.

Answer 4

I don't know how much of it is real, or maybe just the way you think they think. But either way, first it's nobody else's business, and absolutely nobody can "look down on you" unless you allow yourself to feel "looked down on" if you see what I mean. They can throw the ball at you, you don't have to catch it.

I grew up in a place and a time when most moms were at home. I know it made a world of difference to me, that when I came home from school every afternoon, mom was there in the kitchen with her apron on and something smellin' good going on lol. Mother was always there, and to this day I can remember that comfortable feeling of safety and certainty.

Certainly, there's no doubt about it, kids today, half a century later, are more sophisticated and worldly than I was. That's just the way things have progressed. But nobody will convince me, even now, that Momma isn't still the glue that keeps it all together and still the source of comfort and reassurance to the child. Sadly, I believe a lot of the problems of today's youth stem from the fact that Society has forced an "early adulthood" on children, who have to fend for themselves physically and emotionally, because there's no mother around to carry the burdon that never belonged on their children's shoulders in the first place.

I believe I grew up better, more secure and more comfortable in my own skin, because I was given the opportunity for my shoulders to become strong enough to bear the weight of adult responsibilities at the proper time, and not years too soon.

You keep doing what you're doing Mom, and good on ya.

Answer 5

It's always a big war between SAHM's verse's working mom's. I'm a SAHM but I do work in the evening's part time. Allowing me to care for him all day and he's with his dad at night. I didn't want my son in daycare and even if I did go back full time the cost of daycare wouldn't of been worth it. Nobody can take a mother's place and I feel that babie's need their mother's. I do understand that people have to work because the cost of living is different every where so everyone has to do what work's for them.

I personally felt like I didn't have a choice about the matter. Because all I wanted was to stay home with him. I didn't want someone else doing my job as a mother. That's how "I" felt. What I don't understand is if someone can stay home they don't because "staying at home isn't for them". It's tough at time's being a SAHM but I wouldn't want it any other way. And no, I don't stay home everyday. I take my son to the mall play area a couple time's a week and also meet up with other mom's. I mean, why would I want to be at home all day everyday? You have to get out and get your kid's out, it's not healthy if you don't. I really don't think this topic will ever end......it's the way it is and don't worry about what other's think.

Answer 6

I work part time but this is only a recent thing since my youngest is almost 2. I know exactly where you are coming from. I was a college grad, who elected to stay home with both of my sons. I was told I was wasting a degree by being just a "stay at home mom" Granted I could have worked, but we budgeted, and sacrificed so I could stay at home. My husband did not bring home much at the time, but we made it work and my kids lacked for nothing! Do not worry about what others think. Next time someone asks what you do for a living...tell them that you are a Domestic Goddess! :) That is what I still say, and always will say! :) You are always going to be judged, no matter if you stay at home, or work...so do what is best for your family, and ignore the others :)

Good Luck from one Domestic Goddess to another :) !!!

Answer 7

What it most likely comes down to is jealousy. Your husband obviously has the means to provide so that you can stay home. A lot of families don't have that choice and both parents have to work. The other reason is that so many women are trying to break the "women belong in the kitchen " stereotype that they think we should all pick up our briefcases in the morning and send the kids to daycare. Your child is recieving love and care that alot of kids don't get because of working moms, cherish it now while you still can cause it will go by so quickly. Before you blink he will be asking to borrow your car.

Answer 8

I was a stay at home mom and I never felt looked down on. I have a college degree and a lot of the women I went to college with took at least 3 or 4 years off to be with their kids when they were young. Most of the working moms I know wish they could be stay at home moms. It seems to me that on Yahoo!Answers at least it is the stay at home moms who are more likely to be judgmental about the moms who work and have to put their kids in daycare. I wasn't able to stay home as long as I would have liked, but we needed health insurance and my husbands job didn't offer it. Now I'm lucky to work school hours and both of my kids are in school so I've got the best of both worlds. I think we should all just live our lives and do what is best for our families whatever our situation and stop judging others or worrying about others judging us.

Answer 9

My wife is a stay at home mom. It's a job that I could never do. Maybe the people that look down on you either a) need to get a life or b) need to be told to try it and see if it is such a lazy job.

Women are very judgemental anyways. I usually get better responses from men than women when I say that my wife stays home.

Answer 10

Congratulations for you!! I applaud your wisdom in turning your back on those who say that women can have it all (all being defined as a great career AND kids). The best kept secret in society today is that, since women left the home, children of today use more drugs (prescription and non) are more isolated and are more selfish.

If you think you're looked down upon, I'm a stay home dad (only because my wife has higher income potential than I do). It's a lot worse for a man to say, "I stay home with my daughter."