What if someone offends you?

Question

And I let them know they offended me and they say they can't remember what they said. This co-worker of mine said in front of 8 or 9 other co-workers at lunch that everytime she walks by my cube I'm always on the internet and that I don't work. This was after I said that my product was going to do really well for our company. I responded by putting my head down and saying nothing, because it was embarassing and partially true. I do work but I don't work all day when I'm at work. I do spend some time on the internet. Maybe too much at times but who's to say. A lot of the time I'm waiting for a response from someone.
Anyway, if I said this to someone and they had the reaction that I did I think I would have at least remembered it. More realisticly I think I would have been embarassed myself that I said something so insensitive.
But my question is, is this a person I should keep hanging out with at lunch, that they don't even remember something like that? Is this a cold person?

Answer 1

I'd certainly question whether they do recall it. It could be that they didn't expect you to call them on embarrassing you. There are plenty of people in the workplace who try to bulldoze over others and never expect anyone to stand up for themselves. And when someone does stand up, the "bully" doesn't know how to respond so they plead ignorance.

Obviously it bothers you but it's already been said. The best thing you can do is do the work that's expect of you so that your co-workers see your results.

If you notice this person makes a habit of embarrassing people, I would not hesitate to pull them aside one time and explain that while their comments may be accurate, they are only embarrassing people and what is to be gained from that?

Answer 2

Hey, you waited too long to confront the abuser. You have heard the word "deny", haven't you? You do need to get off the internet before word gets over to your supervisor. You should thank your co-worker for pulling your coattail! Take heed.

I know its difficult to ignore the internet when its right there in your face! But, could you do your surfing at home? Take your time and space your work out. Double check everything to see that its errorless. When you are finished, take a break away from your desk, loligag down in the breakroom as long as you can, something, but do resist the internet. Make lists at your desk, for example.

Is this a cold person? I can't imagine why she even made those comments in the first place. Your being on the internet might be job related. You're doing a great job, you wait on responses, etc. I suppose your co-worker didn't know anything else to say, because what she said wasn't so terrible as long as you were not visiting an inappropriate site. I don't see why you'd hang with dummies like this person. Me, I run alone because it is better this way. I avoid a lot of problems that may crop up.

Answer 3

I was going to say that the person really didn't say anything offensive, but if you were offended, then it was offensive. I don't know the person, so I can't say if they are cold or not. Perhaps she simply doesn't remember what she said. She shouldn't have said what she said about you in front of such a large crowd of people, but (to play devil's advocate here) perhaps, those other 8 or 9 people have seen just what she sees, you surfing the internet and not "looking" like you're being productive at work.

I don't really know what you can do about this besides telling her that she embarrassed you. According to you, she was not lying on you. You are on the internet longer than you should be, and you don't work as much as you should. This may be common knowledge where you work, and if it hadn't been this one particuluar person who said it in front of you this time, it might have been someone else next time. Trust me, there are very few secrets in a place of employment. If she's seen you surfing the net and not working, it's a safe bet that others have seen the same thing.

Answer 4

It depends on the tone of voice used when it was said. Was it like a joke or a critisism? If you plan on keeping that job, you have to find a way to deal with things and get along with everybody. I think you are reading too much into it, and I think that the reason it does bother you so much is because it is partly true. You have to realize that the people at work are just that - people at work. They are not your "friends" but you do have to get along with them. That means compromising and making the best of bad situations. The more you make a big deal out of it the worse the whole situation will be. Just get over it and move on. Don't act any differently to this person than you did before. Be nice, be polite, mind your own business and most importantly remember why you are there: to do a job. Make sure you do it and you'll be fine. The person is not a cold person necessarily. Just different from you.

Answer 5

I kind of went through the same thing at an old job of mine. I 'm really fast at what I do, and I used to get my work done really quickly, and then I had nothing to do. All the others used to pretend to be doing something when the boss came in, and they bummed around the rest of the time. I was behaving the same when my boss was there as I was when he wasn't. There was no doubt that I was a good worker, because I was the only character designer in the whole studio, and everything that came out of the studio, had to pass through me. I had my work piled up behind my desk, and it was more than anyone else's. Yet if I took five minutes to do some doodles that weren't work related, I got criticized.
Don't let anyone make you feel bad. If you know you're doing a good job, don't worry about what other co-workers say. She probably said it out of jealousy anyway. Or it could be just a joke. We are not machines. We work at our own pace, and as long as we do what needs to be done, it should be enough.
As far as this co-worker is concerned, don't mention anything to her. Just try to ignore him. However if he says something to offend you again, just politely put her in her place. Although we have to try our best to get along with co-workers, it's not right to allow anyone to offend you and hurt your feelings, wither they do it intentionally or not.

Answer 6

You got caught doing something you shouldn't. Granted it was no one's business but your supervisor's, but the person did not actually tell a lie.

I would suggest you take the person aside and say that if they have any problems with your professionalism, you would prefer that they address it you directly. [It sounds like you may have already done something like this.] Then go on to say how you felt when this boor blurted out that story to your co-workers.

If this person continues, tell your boss that you are being defamed and undercut by an abusive co-worker.

Of course in the meantime, you need to use your work hours for working, so that this jerk will not be handed such an opportunity again.

Good luck!

Answer 7

Don't be so naive... of course she remembers and knows what you are talking about and NOOOO, you should not hang out with this person or go to lunch with them and because you have demonstrated such a lack of a backbone, she will continue to embarrass you in meetings and bully you.

Answer 8

Don't sweat friend, just do the same back to them. Then say you can't remember saying it- check their reaction for recognition!

If they do remember, they may show you a little bit more respect. If they don't then don't worry about it unless she does it again.

By the way your reaction should have been a) laugh it off with some witty comment or b) a vicious bite back like "hey I don't see your product leading the way in toothpaste/software/cars/whatever you design!"

Answer 9

You said it yourself that she is correct.

Hopefully you explained yourself and why you were browsing at that time.

Thank her for helping you realize you are on the internet very often.

I would not think she is cold, and I'd still have work lunch with her.

Answer 10

You are receiving a lot of good advise so far..
Be careful though, many people are actually fired for being online at work...Look out for yourself...