I am having a cousin be a candlelighter in my wedding. She is 15 years old. I sent the invitation to her and her family. So that would be mom, dad, and her. 3 people total. When I received the rsvp in the mail they had put that 4 people were coming because she is bringing her boyfriend. I did not put 'and guest' on the invitation. I feel that is for adults with a significant other. Otherwise everyone could bring a friend. What do you think?
2007-08-23 05:09:04 · 29 answers · asked by Heart 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
If she is being a candle lighter she can't be with her boyfriend the whole time and he may feel uncomfortable sitting alone especially at a young age and boys don't like weddings much. Maybe you could explain this and she will reconsider. If its just one extra person maybe you could let it slide - You will most likely end up with place for him to fill because someone didn't turn up.
It is rude, and you are completely right in my opinion... It just may be more drama then its worth to not let him come. If the other guests complain just say "I'm doing her a big favour and she asked me before the wedding if he could come, I'd have done the same for you if I knew it was an issue for you as well"
2007-08-23 17:59:14 · answer #1 · answered by Roxy 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You could take it as rude or as they didn't know any better and they weren't intending to offend you with their response (my BF received an invitation and assumed I was included - it wasn't until another friend's wife noted that only her husband was invited that we realized the mistake - - I made my BF call and explain his mistake and correct his RSVP to be just himself).
My advice - - call the cousin's mom (I guess that is your aunt) and explain the situation. You may be at the limit for the # of guests at the reception hall or your caterer may not be able to accomodate more people than invited. While you do not need to explain yourself, having an explanation might make everyone feel better about the BF being left out.
2007-08-23 05:21:39 · answer #2 · answered by nova_queen_28 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I do not really think that they meant to be rude, they simply did not know. Myself, if I could not attend with my boyfriend, I would not attend at all. I have passed on a few weddings because they are saving money by not allowing a guest...and they got to save a little more money too. Look at it this way. A 15 year old girl...she is in puppy love and wants her boyfriend there. Otherwise she is going to have to sit and watch people 20 years older than herself talk about thier interests, drink alcohol, talk shop and so on. Who does she have to keep her company. Sorry, I do realize it is your day, but at the same time. one more guest...a 15 year old boy is not gonna kill your budget! I say realize that they were not being rude and simply allow it. If not, you might risk none of them attending.
2007-08-23 09:23:53 · answer #3 · answered by Lillianne 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you are absolutely right. Adults in serious relationships can reasonably expect to bring their significant other. A 15 year old should understand (or at least her parents should) that usually at weddings invites are limited and her boyfriend will have to sit this on out. Or they could have asked you first. I agree with you 100%.
2007-08-23 05:24:17 · answer #4 · answered by barelyblue82 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
After I had sent out my invitations, I had two people call and ask if it was ok to bring a guest. Since they called in plenty of time and they were close relatives, we said it was ok. They were curtious enough to find out first. I dont think it is right to let a teen bring a date without even asking first. Tell her that you already had a number of guests set and that you wont be able to add on, thats why you wrote it on the invite. good luck!!!
2007-08-23 06:11:24 · answer #5 · answered by maria 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think it's rude to for them to just assume that she can bring her boyfriend to you wedding with out at least asking you if it would be ok...wedding's get expensive and if everyone brought an extra person it would take away from the intimacy of your wedding...it's suppose to be close friends and family (and she's only 15...how serious can they really be)??
I would tell your aunt and uncle that you weren't planning on extra people and let them tell her she can't bring her boyfriend!!!
2007-08-23 07:05:10 · answer #6 · answered by *Clea* 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sometimes people don't know that when "and guest" is not put on the wedding invitation, that means don't bring any guests. They may not be rude necessarily as just not knowing any better. I would let it slide since she's in your wedding and sometimes.....well, you just need to pick battles and this one isn't worth upsetting her whole family.
2007-08-23 05:21:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
ok, you can easily get your way and still come as a saint. simply talk to the girl and her parents and say,
"i saw you rsvp'd for (boyfriend) to come. our budget is really tight and i can't afford to add another guest. i feel terrible, but we just didn't anticipate or plan for you to bring an extra guest because we are charged per guest."
DON'T mention anything about how it's only for adults and significant others. only present the idea as an unfortunate budget constraint. people can't argue with that. everyone understands weddings are expensive. if they persist or offer to pay for the boyfriend to come, simply say, "i wish i could, but my fiance also had to make some guest concessions to stay within our budget so it wouldn't be fair if i allowed boyfriend to come anyone."
btw, i am a sociology student conducting an anonymous study on marriage. visit: http://geocities.com/sbiv37/marr
2007-08-23 05:51:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
You did not invite 'and guest' therefore your cousin will need to be informed that there has been a misunderstanding and while you'd love to meet her boyfriend another time, he's not invited to the wedding.
2007-08-23 06:22:08 · answer #9 · answered by gileswench 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, it's tacky. At 15, you don't need your boyfriend with you at a family wedding. You are right, I do believe that "and guest" is for adults and not for the under 18 crowd.
Call up your aunt and uncle. Explain that you can't accommodate your cousin's boyfriend. If they have a problem, just say, "No one under 18 is invited with a date"
It's a reasonable request.
2007-08-23 05:16:50 · answer #10 · answered by Answer Girl 2007 5 · 16⤊ 0⤋