How to discipline other peoples children?

Question

I am watching a friends son to today and have been once a week for a couple of months now. At first he was a well behaved and polite. I guess the more time he is with me the more comfortable he is so his behavior is changing. Anyway I have a two year boy and this other child is almost 4. Well several times now I have heard my two year old crying the real I am hurt cry. I run to the playroom to find my two year old on the floor holding his arm. I asked the other child what happened and he plainly told me he pulled my son out of the chair because it was his seat and when my son started crying the other boy put his hands over my sons mouth to keep me from hearing him cry. Several incidents like this make me not want to let mine out of my sight. I aloso have 8 month old that requires lots of attention.
Time out does not seem to work. If he was mine a couple swats on the butt would do the trick.
Any suggestions as he is not my child so I know I can not spank him.

I do not "leave him alone with the other child" The play room is just off of the living room. I do on occasion need to potty or run after the 8 month old.
I would never leave children that age unsupervised.

Do not "oh! the horror and Good Lord, woman" me. I have already said the children are not unsupervised if you would have taken the time to absorb what you are reading. Again for those that did not catch it the first time the playroom is off the living room I can see them at all times. Like I said I do need to go to the bathroom, or change a diaper etc. and yes we color, have story time, and play together as a group.
For those that suggested I can not handle having a 3 child in the house I am a mother of 3. The oldest is at school and I frequently babysit my niece and nephew who I have no trouble disciplining whatsoever.

I do not have the option of asking the mother as so many of you have sugguested because she is a thoughtless tramp that run off and left the boy with his father. I think the child acts out because of the issues a child that age should not have to deal with.
The father I know does spank the boy and he is a only child.

I am not asking people to question my ability to look after the children. I am asking for advice on how to discipline a child that is not yours.
Again timeout does not do the trick. yea I know 1 min for years etc.
The father of the child does not think his son is bad. and I feel bad bringing the issue up to much because he has been friend of my husbands for many years and I feel bad for the situation he has been left in.

Answer 1

I totally sympathise - disciplining other people's children is hard! But it's your house, your rules. If he is hurting your son then something needs to be done. If you do nothing, he will think it's ok.

Time out is probably not working because it doesn't happen at home, so he is not used to it. I would persevere with it, though - maybe a reward chart as well? If you can, talk to the dad. If he wants you to continue looking after his son, his behaviour will have to change.

Good luck!

Answer 2

It makes you want to not let your two-year-old child out of your sight? Oh, the horror!!!

Good lord woman, if you know this is going on, supervise them. That's kind of the point of being the adult in charge of your own child and I am pretty sure your friend is not sending him to your house with the assumption that you aren't watching them but instead are letting them "entertain" themselves in an unsupervised environment.

If your child were bit by a dog, would you tell the dog "No!" then send your baby back in the room alone with the dog, just to see what happens? No. Do the same with this child. You know your kid is getting hurt, so don't put them in situations where that will continue.

I mean, I'm not suggesting he doesn't need to stop, but don't act like it's just insane that you should have to closely supervise them. If you don't want to do that, you'd do better to simply tell your friend that you don't feel you're able to take on her four-year-old and your own.

All that said, I would inform the mom every time it happens, and give clear, non-accusatory versions of what happened (and if you didn't SEE the kid hurt your kid, don't tell her that he did it, tell her that you think he did it and why you think that).

To me, though, it sounds like you aren't able to handle the third child. There's nothing wrong with that, there's only something wrong with refusing to acknowledge that you're having difficulty, and putting all parties involved in a bad situation as a result of that.

Lisa makes a good point. There is a big difference between a two-year-old and a four-year-old. I'm assuming that the toys in your playroom are filled with age-appropriate toys -- for a two-year-old or younger. My son started acting out in preschool after he was being held back in a class for kids much younger than he. Once he got in a more age-appropriate environment, with activities and toys that were interesting and challenging to him as a four-year-old, a lot of the issues just disappeared. Suggest that he bring some of his toys to play with, and occupy him with books, coloring, singing songs, outside play, etc. I'd bet if you make some effort to keep him from getting bored, you'll see at least a little improvement in his behavior.

Answer 3

Tell the boy that hitting and smacking is not nice and he shouldnt do it. Keep your son within eye sight. Don't let them together alone. If he continues, be consistent and tell him it is not nice and warn him first. Second time tell him he is on time out (go on time out chair, etc. for the time of their age so in this case 4 minutes). When the 4 minutes are up tell him he was on time out because he hit _____ and that wasn't nice. Tell him to apologize and not do it again. If it continues time out again. Soon, he will get tired of time out. But be consistent.

He may also be bored. Find something for him to do other than just play with toys. Have him draw a picture, set out certain toys each time you watch him that are different to keep him intersted. Have him help with things you do. Praise him for being nice (sharing a toy, etc.) When he does something nice say Great Job, you are such a big help. Thank you for being so nice. Talk calmly and in regular soft tone.

Mention it to his mother and see what she says.

I wouldn't spank him (even though probably very tempting). It isn't your place to do so.

Answer 4

Ask his mother. She should be informed of these problems and may tell you to give him a swat or two but if she says no then use time out- put a chair out of the way where no TV can be seen and use that.

Answer 5

time outs; no parent in their right man can object to a healthy time out.

Place him in a chair away from toys and your son and tell him he's in a time out for 4 min (1 min for each year of his age) and he needs to sit there until it's over. Make him take the full 4 min even if he starts to set up. (the first few times it can take a long time to get them to take their time out). At the end discuss with him why he was put there and have him sincerly apologize.

I know when I was a Nanny one summer I did a good behavior chart and they got a sticker in each box at the end of the day if they didnt get a time out, if they played fair and if they were polite. If they got a time out that day they didnt get a sticker for that. I let them put up their own stickers because it gave them a sense of accomplishment. I gace small prizes for filling up one row (like an ice cream) and at the end of the summer and my sitting if they filled their chart they got a big prize.

It worked like a charm. Of course you need to okay both with his mother and father.

Answer 6

Especially living in the society we live in today, you really need to ask the mother what you should do. Back in the day, I'm sure they a mother in your position would have just spanked the child, but people are so incredibly anal nowadays.

In my opinion, if it keeps up like, and your conversation with the mother doesn't go well, you probably shouldn't babysit him. :-\ Your children are of the highest priority to you. :)

Disciplining a child that isn't your own is tricky business, I think. >.>

Answer 7

Yes first of all they shouldn't be playing alone together at that age. You can tell him it is wrong and if he does it again he won't get a treat like the others will. Or at the begininng of the day tell him that everyone that is good today gets a ice cream cone or whatever. But then u have to explain to them that they can't pull each other off the chair and whatever esle he does. But I beleive they shouldn't be along more then 15 minutes at a time if that long.Good luck .Oh another thing is if u are presistent when he is bad and don't give him the treat then after a few days of him not getting the treat he'll figure it out. Plus make a big thing out of it the first time he behaves.You might have to start out like an hour or two first.Like if u behave before lunch you'll get a cookies with it...

Answer 8

I'd sit him on the couch or in the room you are in for a very long time without anything to play with. He will get bored, etc. Tell him that it is NOT ok to touch your son, and then tell his MOM. I would also ask him why he had to sit all day with nothing to do, that way you know he gets why he is being punished.

Answer 9

Refuse to babysit him anymore.Tell his folks the reason and tell them when you are able to disipline him,you might watch him.
Your son comes first,let that be known and not back down.
Life is tricky and little devils are dispensible in the greater scheme of things.
Protect your family,always let that guide you.If your son cannot expect you to protect him,he will lose faith in you.
I know that I sound harsh,but life is harsh.

Answer 10

if you are able to contact your friend call her/him to ask him what punishment you can do. when i watch my best friends son im allowed to swat him on the butt, put him in time out, or send him for a nap. pretty much what i would do with my daughter and vice versa.

sit down with her and tell her what happens and what she is comfortable with you doing to discipline her child