My husband's friend who is married. Can't seem to talk to his wife about problems that his adult son of 32 has regarding his mental health. So he calls us at home late around 8pm and talks about his sons mental problems to my husband for about a hour and then leaves and goes home. Leaving my husband with a heavy load. Right before we go to sleep @ 9:30pm. I told my husband next time meet his friend at a restaurant not our living room, we dont need bad vibs, before we go to sleep.
2007-08-23 04:25:31 · 13 answers · asked by Annie 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
That is totally unfair and inconsiderate. Have your husband suggest to his friend that he see a counselor. That way he can put the weight on a professionals shoulders and most likely will be given good suggestions about how to talk to his wife. The best thing would be for them to go together. Unless your husband is a counselor then he can only give friend advice, not a professional opinion so he should not have to bear the weight of this alone.
2007-08-23 04:30:41 · answer #1 · answered by Stained Glass- Baby C 11/15/09!! 4 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Well, what are friends for? But on the other hand, your husband's friend is ultimately responsible for his own problems, not your husband.
"Dumping" on a friend once in a while is OK. But if it becomes a habit, then that's no way to treat a friend.
Scheduling time to have talks with his friend would be a wise thing for your husband to do, especially if the friend is going through some really tough times. It's not so much about where they meet, as it is about when. Knowing that your friend has some time laid out for you next Tuesday at 7:00 pm might cut down on the urge to call him and unload NOW, and that's good for all of you.
2007-08-23 11:33:48 · answer #2 · answered by El Jefe 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he's doing this every night, for weeks, then you have a right to be a little mad.
If this has only been happening lately, you need to learn to deal with it. What if your best friend was going though a really rough time, and your husband told you not to let her in the house anymore, because it was making him feel down? It's hard enough for guys to talk about emotional topics, and you want this poor man to do it in public somewhere?
Respect your husband's friendships, and the friend's need for your husband's support right now. Your husband is a grown man, he can make his own decisions, and you can always go to bed when the friend shows up. Let him decide what is too much for him to handle, and ignore the situation----it doesn't have all that much to do with you.
2007-08-23 11:32:17 · answer #3 · answered by majenkies 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Good Day,
Hi Annie, well this is a bit of a pickle. You want to commend your husband for being a good friend and compassionate man, on the other hand you want to throttle him because his goodness and compassion are interrupting your evenings!
The truth of the matter is,.. the friend needs to be told gentle but firmly that he must either speak to his wife regarding the problems with the son, or seek professional advice.
AND! If your husband IS a professional,... Tell him to tell his friend he went to college for this, charges 40 bucks and hour and the buddy needs to make an appointment during normal business hours.
Good Luck!
2007-08-23 11:38:45 · answer #4 · answered by Susanna 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
let me ask a question myself, is it bothering him or bothering you? That is his friend, instead of trying to make the problem go away so you don't have to deal with it, why not try to help your husband find some suggestions so his friend can get help. That way the situation can get better and both of you guys will get a good nights rest.
2007-08-23 11:42:10 · answer #5 · answered by HotNurse71 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
To me, it is not the issue of fairness. Your husband is being very kind to his friend who has a problem.
What does your husdand think? Can he shrug it off or is it affecting him? He is in control of whom he sees and talks. It sort of sounds as if you have more problem than your husdand. You are suggesting he sees his friend outside of your house - which affects your husband but not you...
2007-08-23 11:35:12 · answer #6 · answered by tkquestion 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You are doing the right thing. It's okay for someone to express and vent out their troubles, in fact, it is very healthy, but not to dump them on someone else constantly. You need to be there for the person, but you can tell them that late at night is not a good time for it. Just do it very nicely and compassionately to make sure you keep the friendship.
Good luck!
2007-08-23 11:32:33 · answer #7 · answered by DeltaKilo3 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
See, this is what's wrong with the world today. Nobody's willing to help anyone anymore because it might interfere with their own comfort. If you were a real friend, you'd let your friend vent during this difficult time. God forbid anyone step outside their comfort zone anymore.
2007-08-23 11:39:42 · answer #8 · answered by ck 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I don't think people should bear others' problems. If these 'consultations' stress you and, most important, your husband you should think how politely tell the friend to stop unloading his problems on you.
Maybe tell his wife what's going on if you're close enough?
2007-08-23 11:38:06 · answer #9 · answered by Aatami 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
this is not fair at all i mean its not ur problem but u have to deal with it and if it gives bad vibes before u go to sleep they shouldnt talk about it. this guy should talk to his own wife and they should deal with their own problems. hope this helps!
2007-08-23 11:35:02 · answer #10 · answered by Emma I 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋