No Sex Before Marriage: How do I break this off without hurting her?

Question

I took a liking to one of my mates friends. After weeks of txting, I started dating this girl.
We had 4 very nice dates, cinema, dinner, day trip, DVD at mine.. however, she came on to me about our "status" after the 3rd date, so thinking it would lead somewhere after some very kinky SMS messages, I came out and said "well you're a lovely girl and I think its only right we should be exclusive now". Not wanting to jump straight in, I did the gentlemanly thing and kept it to just a nice passionate kiss that night.
So, 4th date comes around and again after some very flirtatious behaviour, I think she is just playing hard to get... BUT, she stops me dead and nervously explains how she doesn't believe in premarital sex!
The conversation went on hesitantly as wanted I to know my limits, which does restricts me from everything except for kissing.
I said it was ok at the time, even though its not! But she is a good friend of my mate, how do i go about this situation without hurting her?

Before you all continue to call me a prick because of my opinions here, I'll let you know she is religious, I am too but not to that extent.
Also, she lead me to believe that she had no such beliefs through the content of her late night txt msgs.
Furthermore, she did say that she would be ok if I wanted to distance myself from her because of her beliefs, however in the same breath she told me she REALLY likes me.
In a way I feel trapped!?

I do believe I'm a gentleman and I also believe that to fully express love in a relationship you need sex. As it is the epitome of making a relationship complete, which I also think should not be restricted to those bound by marriage. So no more abuse please.

Answer 1

Oooo! This is not easy, but it will definitely show you to be a man of integrity.

Sit down with her in a quiet place with no distractions and open up to her.

Tell her that, while you respect her values of no pre-marital sex, you do not share them. Explain how that you feel about her, but that this is a division of core values and can not be rectified without one of you being untrue to your beliefs. and that would be unfair for the other to ask, as it will only cause hurt feelings in the future.

Let her know that you still cherish her friendship, but that this is a personal issue, which can cause problems in the future. Do not make it sound like SHE has a problem, but that the difference of opinion is the problem. And this is not something that you can "agree to disagree" on.

Stay friends with her, who knows, maybe this will make one of you re-evaluate your position and change your mind. Then you can get back together.

Answer 2

Well, you need to be honest with her. Don't do the "it's not you-it's me" routine. Women hate that.

First explain to her that you respect her beliefs and would not want to change her thoughts about premarital sex in any way.

Then explain that throughout your brief courtship (you don't have to sound corny) you were under the impression that with time, sex would eventually happen.

Considering the news that you have recently received, tell her that becausee of her choices and YOUR needs as a man, you don't feel that it would work out due to that very big subject that is part of an intimate relationship.

Tell her you hope she understands, that you think she's a wonderful person and admire her for being so virtuous.

Then go out and find a ****.

Cheers! Hope that helped!!

Answer 3

It makes me so mad when all guys want out of a relationship is sex, sex, and more sex. Hello don't you guys realize that there is more to a relation than just sex!? Sounds like you need to learn some respect for the opposite gender there. It's fun to flirt and play hard to get but that's all it is. Just simple innocent fun. Still I say good for her! At least she's got morals. If you can't like some one because they don't want to have sex and have that kind of belief then that's just sad. I was the same way, no sex before I got married and let me tell you, that first night was so wonderful and so full of passion and magic that time itself seemed to stand still. She knows what to expect and deserves a decent guy who can love and respect her for that. If your reason is no sex then you're going to hurt her in a way you can't even begin to imagine regardless of how "nice" you are about it.

Answer 4

It takes a stronger willed person not to have sex before getting married. And an even stronger one to tell you and risk everything. If you beleive you can't strongly hold out, without even knowing if you will marry the girl, then stick to your beliefs. Everyone has their own. So explain this to her. Commend her for being so strong and be honest with her, like she was honest with you and say, that is not your belief, and you don't want to end up in a situation with her that would make her question her beliefs. Also, break it off soon if you don't see it going anywhere. Don't dely the inevitable, it will hurt her more.

Answer 5

I have to be honest it sucks when men do this everything is great but the minute you want sex we say no you dump us. Why would you want someone to change whole life because you want sex? It sucks so bad that someone you like rejects you because you doing the right thing.When she told you her status you should have been honest then. It is not easy telling a man you don't have premarital sex, especially someone you like because the the minute you do they stop having any feelings for you. So you need to tell her now before she invest anymore feelings in you. You will hurt her feelings so just do it now and do it so you both can move on in life. Because the truth is you don't deserve her.

Answer 6

If you don't feel that you could wait until you marry this girl, I would move on. Sex is not the only part of a relationship, but it should be an important part. You need to find someone who shares your values. Don't listen to these people who make claims of your selfishness. You've only been dating a week, I think you're entitled to think about what YOU want. They are probably scorned women. Do what makes you happy. Tell her straight out, I really do like you, but I don't think we're compatible. You have values that I do not share, and I don't want to make our relationship uncomfortable for either of us. You deserve someone who shares your values and can wait until you are married without any resentment or unfair pressure. It's not that you don't like her, it's just that you aren't right for each other. I wish you the best, my friend.

Answer 7

Is the fact that that she wants to wait for sex until marriage the only thing preventing you from pursuing her further? Otherwise would you pursue her if you thought that you would "get some" down the road? Is marriage something that you want for the future for yourself? If sex is the only thing that is holding you back from having a relationship with this girl then I think you should reconsider. Life is long, and sex isn't all relationships are about, down the road you may wished you had given her a chance.

Answer 8

If you really liked her, this wouldn't be an issue. If you can't seem to be attracted to her, other than the sex potential, it's not a worthy relationship anyway - for either of you. Those are her beliefs, and though I do not believe in them, I commend her for sticking to them so strongly. If you think you can take this relationship to great heights with out sex, then stay with her. Maybe she's the one, and you are too worried about how bad you want to sleep with her. If you think that you can't handle the "no sex" rule, its best to end it now. If you are going to end it, tell her like this: "I really like you. We have a great time when we are together, but I am past the "no sex" rule, and it's awkward that you and I are on completely different pages here. I think, for your sake, because I do care about you and enjoy our time together, that we should end it now before major feelings get involved. I know this is cliche, but I want us to be friends because I do really care about you." She will come back with a "if you really cared, this wouldn't matter!", but in all reality- it does. Good luck. I wish you the best. This can be a tough one! Just listen to your heart.

Answer 9

Any time you reject someone, there's likely to be some "sting" or hurt, especially if they'd grown fond of you...just be honest with her and tell you when you said 'no sex' was okay, you were just knee-jerk reacting, when it's not really okay with you...let her know you totally respect her decision but you and she will not be able to be a dating couple due to your different desires on this issue.

I'm sure she's run into this before so it may hurt her a bit, but she'll be fine...you both need to be with people who have similar values and interests or it just won't work out well anyway.

Answer 10

It's sad how people don't value morals anymore. Obviously she isn't the girl for you and you need to explain to her that you are shallow and have no morals yourself. Tell her she is to good for you (because she is) and that she should be with someone who can be happy being with her for longer than four dates without having the problem of sex on their mind. To tell the truth I'll pray for you also, because you truly need all the prayers you can get! Tell her that what she is doing is great (standing up to her morals) and that to back down for a guy like you would be a horrible mistake!