Star if it makes you smile?

Question

1.Little Johnny's teacher and principal were getting tired of his dirty language.So they decided to let him know how it feels to be swore at.

So one day,the principal was standing at the window,outside the classroom,watching.

The teacher shouted "A**HOLE!STAND UP AND READ PARAGRAPH 3!"

Johnny was still looking at his book.

So the teacher tried again,"A**HOLE!I TOLD YOU TO READ PARAGRAPH 3!

Johnny still doesn't answer.

Desperate,the teacher tried one last time."JOHNNY U A**HOLE!STAND UP AND READ PARAGRAPH 3!"

Little Johnny stood up and said...."But Sir!The a**hole is outside!"

He almost got expelled.
(Hope you liked that one,I made it up and I know its not so good)

2.Two drunks went into a bar and had a few beers. One got up and went into the bathroom while the other remained at the bar talking to the bartender.

All of a sudden there was a loud scream coming from the bathroom. The drunk at the bar said to the bartender that it sounded like his partner scre

screaming, so he went into the bathroom to investigate.

He went inside and asked his friend what the problem was. His friend said that everytime he flushed the toilet something reached up and squeezed his balls.

His friend shook his head and said, "You dumbass, you're sitting on the mop bucket!"

3.Three lawyers and three engineers were traveling by train to the same meeting. At the station, the lawyers each buy a ticket but the engineers buy just one. When asked why, the engineers coyly said "You'll see."

They all board the train, the lawyers taking seats, but the three engineers all crowding into the bathroom. After the train has left, the conductor comes around and takes the lawyers tickets and knocks on the bathroom door and says, "Ticket Please." An arm stretches out from the bathroom and the
conductor takes the proffered ticket. The lawyers were very impressed.

On the return trip, the lawyers proposed to emulate the gearheads and bought only one ticket. To their

amazement, the engineers bought no ticket at all. When asked, the engineers said, "You'll see."

All board the train and the lawyers and engineers cram into separate bathrooms to await the conductor. After a few minutes,
one of the gearheads emerges from the bathroom, goes over to the lawyers' bathroom, knocks on the door and says: "Ticket
please."

4.A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn.

The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The old farmer told him he had buried them.

The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they ALL dead?"

The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."

5.After dozens of very expensive tests and weeks of hospitalization, the rich old man was told he had only 24 hours to live.

He immediately called his doctor and his lawyer to his room. He asked the doctor to stand by one side of his bed and his lawyer to stand by the other.

After standing for some time, the doctor asked "What do you want me to do?" "Nothing. Just stand there."

A while later, the lawyer asked "What do you want me to do?" "Nothing. Just stand there."

As the hours wore on, the doctor and the lawyer watched the man weaken. When his time had almost arrived, the doctor and the lawyer again asked "Why are we standing here?"

"Well," said the old man, "Christ died between two thieves, so I thought I'd do the same!

Answer 1

hahahaha i especially like d 1 abt lawyers n engineers n d old farmer n his politicians!

Answer 2

i liked #3 and #4

Answer 3

heard the lawyer and engineer one before, other than that, ok, you get a star! ^_^

Answer 4

You'd be good on the comedy circuit.

Answer 5

lol funny

Answer 6

Very funny!!!

Answer 7

Good ones lol :) !!!