Daughter Taking Drugs?

Question

My 17 year old daughter is taking cannabis. We have caught her several times, we can also tell by her eyes when she comes home. We have confronted her several times, always ending up in big arguments. We have also grounded her several times, only for her to carry on again when she is allowed out. We have suggested talking to a councillor or the doctor, but she refuses. Recently, we have turned a blind eye when we know what she has been doing, but it is breaking my heart worrying about her, and is she going to do something stronger. Should I carry on turning a blind eye to avoid the grief and arguments, and hope she grows out of it, or confront her and take the grief that will go with it. Its not just the arguments, if confronted, she storms out of the house, and I am left wondering is she going to run away from home, move in with some junkies, basically I imagine the worst scenarios possible. What should I do, and is there any practical steps can I take?

Wow, so many good good answers, definately some useful advice. Cannot choose one as best answer.

Answer 1

So she smokes a little weed, so what!?
She may be just experimenting, give her a little room to maneuver, but keep your eye one her. If she starts doing heavier drugs or drinks alot she may need a swift kick in the ...
Search her room and see if you can find her stash!

Answer 2

how awful for you, stop pressuring your daughter about smoking cannabis you don't want to drive her away, there is an organisation (in Britain) called frank you can find the phone number in the phone book i would suggest giving them a call and asking them for advice, try and be understanding and have a talk with her tell her you don't want an argument but you are scared that she is going to do harder drugs and that worries you, she will probably tell you that she i not that stupid. you need the advice so you know how to deal with this, tell her that you can't stop her doing drugs but you won't allow them in the house, unfortunately she is nearly an adult and there is not alot you can do to stop her, at least at home you can keep an eye on her health and help her if she needs it, please get some advice and ease off a bit until you do, the sad thing is you have to let your daughter make her own decisions and mistakes in life however much it hurts you to do so, all you can do is pick up the pieces if it all falls apart. I wish you much luck in solving your problem I hope you found some help in this.

Answer 3

perhaps ask a school teacher to try and talk to her, or you can but do it when nobody else is around just sit your daughter down and talk to her but dont get defensive and nasty treat her like an adult and speak to her in a friendly and trustworthy tone so she knows she can speak 2 you about anything. it's best to do it when it only you and your daughter home. Don't ignore as it only makes the situation get worse. If at first she doesn't want to talk then take it step by step asking how her day was, would she like to go shopping with you if she get's defensive and angry saying no way ect.. don't bite back simply say something like ok dear maybe another time stay carm and use a friendly tone it may take a while but once she's knows she can trust you then you can explain to her the dangers and how all you want to do is keep her safe.

But yeah stay cool, dont bite back take it easy and just ask her simple questions like how her days was dont ignore it.

Answer 4

I was in a similar position as your daughter is in. I think the whole "badger me until I give up" is a myth. The more you fight your daughter, the more she will fight back.
What always helped me keep my head was my parents saying "we trust you" - and they proved it to me many times. I always felt that having that trust, meant that you still experimented, but I knew that losing that trust was one thing i never wanted - and I made sure that I never went too far with it.

It also totally depends on how far you are willing to go for your kids. I know that the mates I smoked weed with, ended up on heavier stuff because we lived in a boring little town and there was nothing else to do. We ended up moving out of that boring little town for my final year in school (17 / 18) and I was forced to stop all drugs because my mates weren't around any more.

As I got older, I chose not to touch drugs though - because I knew what they did and they didn't really do anything for me. I don't think turning a blind eye is ideal, but neither is nagging. Let her know that you trust her and you trust her judgement. Remember, teenagers know the answers to everything. They assume they are "adults" - which you steadily "unlearn" as you get older.

Make sure she has a decent curfew - decent for her, and for you. My one mate had a curfew she hated and used to sneak out the house. I never had a curfew, and thought my parents didn't care. Since she is nearly an adult, I would include her more in the adult side of things - decision making etc.

Always remember though, that if she knows you love her unconditionally, and if you are sure that you have brought her up in the best way you can - I reckon both her parents will be the voice in her head.

Love is a powerful reminder...

Answer 5

You daughter at 17 is no longer a child even more so will be 18 in a few days, weeks or months. You can not make her do anything she does not want to do at this point, counseling etc. will only work if she agrees to go. Grounding her is not going to make her stop in fact she may very well move out on you at her age she is free to do so. Unfortunaltley there is nothing YOU can do it is 100% up to HER to continue using or not. Even addicts who willingly seek treatment may relapse many times, but if she sticks to cannibis then eventually this phase may pass as it does for many young adults in similiar situations. Tell her you wish she would stop but you realize there is nothing you can do it is her choice. Let her know you will not tolerate drugs or their use in your own home however . Your daughters life is her own she will make all decisions in regards to her life, she may allow you to have input or give advice only if you do not overreact and you listen and respect what she has to say. In the end what you believe and think only matters for your own life what your daughter believes and thinks matters for her, in the end the individual makes the decision. Stop arguing and confronting her when upset it does no one any good, it is obvious at this point in her life she will do so despite your efforts and maybe even do so just to spite you. Take the confrontation out of the picture and see what happens. One reason she may continue to use is because it pissess her parents off.

Answer 6

dont turn a blind eye on her she needs you more than she know. know who her friends are for the answer might be there peeer pressure and bad influence. at the end of the day she is still your daughter. talk to her not confront, you know one on one thing heart to heart thing. she might open up and tell you the root cause and once she has accepted the fact that she needs help, then take her to a rehab and be with her all the way, let her feel you are there for her. be her friend than be her boss we sometimes forget that they are growing up that they need us maybe that is what she is conveying she needs your attention more on the lighter side cannabis is a herbal medicine in some place so it should not be label as drugs in a negative way. be with her good luck

Answer 7

Oh my...I never did drugs when I was younger, but my parents did. And needless to say it scared me enough not to ever try drugs. But if I was you, I would talk to her. You and her mom both. Tell her you are worried about her and remind her that you love her. Is there a aunt or uncle she would listen to? What about her friends? Maybe there is one of them that is not doing this too. You know it's a real wake up call..when you see people that have been doing drugs for a long period of time. How well they look mind you. I would look in the phone book for a drug hospital or clinic where people go to come clean. I would tell my daughter that you and her mother and her are going to see how things could end up. Maybe just tell her you are going for a drive. I would do more then ground her, does she have a car? Tell her you demand better from her. Look around maybe she can talk to someone who has lost someone from drugs. Maybe it will make her think.

I know it's hard bening a teenager these days. But somewhere in her heart she knows it's wrong that she is doing this. You just have to get to that part of her heart. I would seek counseling for myself if I was you and your wife. Anything will help this situation. Sounds like you are willing to do whatever to save your child's life. Only if there where more parents like you!!!! Bless you!!!!

Answer 8

Lots of kids experiment with pot, and some people continue smoking it for years -- some on a social basis only, and others daily. I guess it depends upon the person and their level of "need" for an escape from reality.

first, i think you are a good parent, for even noticing and feeling concerned... most parents don't even notice when their kids are drinking, drugging and other things.

what is your daughter's performance like in other areas, such as school, outside activities, etc?

perhaps you could get more help with this if YOU made an appointment with a therapist. your daughter refuses to go, you're worried, stressed and dont' know what to do in order to cope. perhaps you could get some good, solid help, advice and information on how to deal with this family issue?

therapists are trained to give people direction. perhaps this would be a good way for you to get the sound advice you seem to need in order to deal with your daughter?

i wish you all the best! take care of YOU too! hugs

Answer 9

http://www.alanon.org.za/

been there, done that...
first things first: "You didn't cause it, You can't cure it, You can't control it"
Harsh words, I know, but until you understand and accept that your child may have an addiction problem, these words will always sound harsh.
The site I posted for you talks about alcohol, but if you learn that addiction is addiction no matter with what, you'll understand why I posted it.
I'm a mother of 3 and my son is on the "blade" (abusing drugs and may have crossed the line to addiction) and my husband is in recovery. I have a little experience in this...If you want to talk or just vent go to my 360 page and I promise I will listen. I know and understand the pain.
I hope that you at least take the time to go to the web site I posted.
God Bless you...

Answer 10

It is very difficult when you see a member of your family doing something which could potentially be very dangerous, and lead to other things.

The worst thing you could do is shout at her or tell her off for what she is doing, as she will as you said still do it when she is allowed out. The best thing at this moment in time may be to simply sit down with her and calmly, firstly apologise for the times when you have been angry. But state that you are only angry because you know it is so easy to become hooked on cannabis and you know it can potentially lead to other things. You could tell her that you can only tell her how dangerous it can be, but at the end of the day its up to her, and say that you have only always wanted the best for her in her life and personal life.

Don't worry everything will be fine!

Adam.

Answer 11

Don't give up on your child. Turning a blind eye is not what you want to do, because that is saying to her, ok you won. You need to find some outside help for YOURSELF as well in order to deal with whats going on. Your child may be reacting or acting on other hidden issues that you cannot handle on your own. DON"T GIVE UP.....do you know JESUS? He's the best support anyone can have for free!