I’m a stay-at-home mom and I’m practically raising my kids on my own, since my husband is working at nights and sleeping through the day. The time he spends with us is max. two hours a day so I have to deal with everything that comes along and be both mom and dad. It was fine for a few years but now I’m just sick of it. I feel tired all the time, unhappy and very alone. It’s like they all have so big expectations of me when sometimes all I really want to do is scream and hide in my bed. I love my kids and my husband but I need a break. I talked to my husband about it and he suggested that I’d go on a trip on my own for a few days. But does needing a break makes me a bad mother and wife?
2007-08-23 01:27:55 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Lord, no! You're not a bad mother and wife. No way, no how! Take that break...if you really think it will do some good to have just a few days break... I don't think it's enough. You say you are feeling tired, unhappy and alone. Sounds like a good old-fashioned depression to me... You may want to talk with your doctor about all this.
As for "having to deal with it all", keep in mind that you are making choices and stop beating yourself up about it. Make the choice or don't. I can say this... I was just like you are and was hospitalized for 3 months. Now, I don't get like that anymore. I'm happy, not so tired and I don't feel alone. This is a sign that I put on my fridge:
EVERYONE IN THIS HOUSE GETS WHAT THEY NEED...EVEN MOM!
Keep in mind one thing: They way you treat yourself is the instruction booklet you give to others for how they should treat you... And if you don't make yourself a priority, why should others make you a priority? You need to get with it. Here's a story that should help:
A mother and daughter take a trip. On the airplane, the plane is in distress and may have to make a crash landing...the oxygen maks come down and of course, the mom wants to save her child so she puts the oxygen mask on her child first... but never manages because she passes out from lack of oxygen... neither one of them is saved. So listen closely:
IF YOU WANT TO SAVE YOUR CHILD, YOU NEED TO PUT YOUR OXYGEN MASK ON FIRST!
That goes with everything. You are no good to ANYONE, your hubby, your child, etc., if you are no good to yourself. And think about what kind of behaviour you are modelling for your child... Do you want them to grow up thinking a mom is just a slave? Find the power I know is deep inside you and give yourself a good shake. Wake up and realise that you are a priority in your life and no one can take that away from you but yourself... So take back the right to take care of you.... it's the only way to be a good caretaker.
Go on that trip. If it doesn't help, see your doctor. And you can always email me if you want some time to talk... I'll listen!
2007-08-23 01:41:41 · answer #1 · answered by The ReDesign Diva 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Not even one bit. In fact, realizing that you need a break is one of the things that makes you a great mother! This way, you can let go of your stress and concerns and just unwind without snapping at the kids or your husband. Everyone needs some alone time or time with friends; it's normal. You sound like a fantastic mother who dedicates all of your time and effort into raising them - I hope your husband is grateful for you! He really needs to make more of an effort to be in his kids' lives; they're his responsibility, too. That being said, maybe you could talk to him about getting a babysitter from time to time. Say once a week, you get a babysitter to come in so you can have part of a day to relax, see friends, unwind, do whatever. Every mother deserves (and needs) that.
2007-08-23 01:38:39 · answer #2 · answered by Kathryn 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I love that your husband suggested a break, many wouldn't. You will be a BETTER wife and mother if you do.
My sister in law is on her own with their 3 kids. My brother works away from home for months at a time with maybe a weekend or two free to visit home. She takes (needs) breaks a couple times a year. Family take the kids, they stay with my Mom and Dad for a week at a time at the lake and my sil usually takes a trip with friends or her Mom and sisters. Her parents do the same thing.
My sil is a great Mom and I am so proud of the job she's done with the kids, the oldest is now 17.
Take a guilt free break, you deserve it.
2007-08-23 01:42:43 · answer #3 · answered by Choqs 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't separate from him. It's not the answer. Too many people don't try to work on their marriages. Being a single mom is very tough. Believe me! Take time to be alone with each other. It's a stress on a marriage when you're breaking each others balls. Lashing out isn't the answer to a good long marriage. I can see why you feel like you're insecure about being a good mom and wife. He shouldn't do that to you when you just come home. Tell him you need to take some time to yourself first. I believe you both feel tired for working so many hours at work and at home. Maybe he feels that he works and comes home and takes care of the house and kids. So he probably feels like you should do that too. But if you work more than he does, it's not totally fair of him to accuse of not contributing. You make more money and work the longer hours. This happens to men who are bread winners and women are left to work a job and come home and take care of household chores and kids too. Life isn't fair! You're both doing the best you can do!
2016-05-20 22:50:12 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO NO NO!Being a full time mom might be the hardest `job` ever.There`s a lot of pressure involved in this and you need to be really strong to succeed,i can tell you are a good mom bcs you managed to do this for years,i really appreciate it; your husband feels the same i do since he suggested to go on a trip by yourself,he knows how hard you work .Dont feel bad bcs you need a break,it`s very normal.Go and have fun!
2007-08-23 03:09:27 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No dear, it doesn't mean you're a bad mother. The fact that you're trying to be both mom and dad to your kids is an exhausting thing to do and once in a while, you really have to take breaks to catch up with yourself. Everyone has to have balance for them to stay sane and if you go insane, just think that it'll be much harder for you to take care of your family. It is also bad for the health to be always stressed out and working. If you want to live longer and stay with your family then taking a short break won't hurt. Who knows, on your trip you might learn a thing or two right?
ENJOY! ^^
2007-08-23 01:37:27 · answer #6 · answered by Andyyy 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take it from another stay at home mom and a military wife - NO this doesn't make you a bad mother or wife. Sometimes having some alone time can be so healing and its important that we find away to do things for ourselves. Sometimes we just get into that role of mom and wife, that we fail to take care of ourselves. Rather its a small trip, a day spa or locking yourself up in the bathroom to take a very LONG bath - they really can renew you.
Ton of hugs Mel
2007-08-23 01:36:46 · answer #7 · answered by jaredsmommy2004 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No it does not make you a bad mother or wife, it simply makes you human. We all need a break. It's when you don't take breaks that you become frustrated, angry and irritable. It sounds like your husband is ok with you taking some time, so take it! Even if you don't travel, just a day out would be refreshing. Go ahead, take care of you, it will make you all the better at taking care of them!
2007-08-23 02:22:37 · answer #8 · answered by Joanne D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
need a break from family life go for it. there's nothing wrong with wanting a break. mom need that time to her self. i sort of understand. I've been married for 8 yrs and have two boys. and the hole time we have been together we have always worked different shifts. right now he's on 1st and I'm on 3rd shift. we help each other out with the boys and chores around the house. maybe have your husband help u and explain to him how u feel. it also sounds like u and your hubby need a night out together. good luck and take that break u need. don't feel bad for that. your not a bad mother or wife wanting to take a break.
2007-08-23 01:56:35 · answer #9 · answered by angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For the sake of your own mental health, take the vacation. Everyone needs a break at some point.
If you snap, it will not be good for you, your kids or your husband. You cant do anyone any good if you are locked away in a padded room in some mental institution.
Take the vacation.
2007-08-23 02:23:15 · answer #10 · answered by Ponyboy99 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋