How can parents best help their children get over the loss of a family pet?

Answer 1

Keep them informed as to what is going on.

It might need a little bit of sugar coating, depending on the age and sensitivity of the child, but explain that Fido or Tiddles isn't in pain any more.

Be ready to answer any questions they might have - honestly (but not brutally so).

DON'T lie to them or surprise them.

Don't send them off to their Granny's house and have them come back to the shock that their pet is gone.

Don't lie - e.g. "he's gone to live on a farm". It may soothe them for a while, but eventually they'll realise their parents lied and that will hurt more (and store up problems with trust later on). A friend of mine was given that line when his dog was euthanised - he was ok with that at first, but a few years later he realised the truth - it meant those painful feelings were dredged up again, and they didn't need to be.

Any decisions as to getting another pet should wait until everyone has come to terms with the loss of this one. Although some people might say "it was only an animal" it was a sentient being with its own character - it can't be properly replaced. That doesn't mean never getting another pet, it just means taking time to acknowledge that the new pet won't be exactly the same as the one that died. It would be unfair on both the child and the pet to expect that they would be.

If a child can understand what is happening, they are then in a position to learn how to deal with grief. It hurts, but it's an important skill to learn.

Answer 2

What you do is give the pet a good send off, tell the kids it was just the pets time to go and that it is perfectly natural, and that he/she is in a better place. Then give them lots hugs and kisses and of course comfort them, but do not buy another pet right, because it might be to soon to have another without reminding them of the previous one, and after about 2-3 months or more ask them if they want a pet(say it as though they've never had one before) and if they say yes, of course buy another pet. But advice on buying the new pet, make sure the pet is young and healthy and has a long life expectancy. Although they'll never forget the first pet.
And ignore the guy that said there worse stuff then losing a pet, because that is not because losing a pet is like losing a family member.

Answer 3

This is a painful lesson for children to learn, its normally the first they experience about death.

To take a photo of the pet and put it in a special place for all to see with a vase of freshly cut flowers shows the children that the pet was much loved and that they will not forget him/her,ever. They need to remember their pet how he/she used to be and not how the pet looked the last time they saw him/her.

Perhaps they could write a poem for their lost family member.

However, as soon as the children start to accept the loss and the parents of course, there are many needy animals in rescue centre's that are crying out for the love the family still have to give.

Their pet would not be so selfish to not want them to help one of his/her kind, that has never experienced the love that was shown to him/her.

You would really be surprised how bringing some poor little mite into the home can speed up the greiving process for all concerned.

As long as it is explained to the children that this is not a replacement pet, but a little sole that needs their love and comfort, the children will soon have their mind on "Oh no whats he doing now" or "where is he hiding" "another little mistake to clean up mum" and so the mind is taken up in such a way that the pain of losing one so loved is eased.

This might sound cold to some people but believe me it works. The pet is now at rest, painfree and in a beautiful place, to have held on to him/her any longer would have been selfish.

I do hope this answer helps somone who's heart feels like it is going to break and helps them to believe that the pain wont last forever.

Answer 4

When i was about 6 my nan's dog died and she just sat me down and explained that he had gone to "dog heaven" just like all dogs do. Of course i understood that heaven is a good, happy place so i knew the dog was happy.

Parents could also make a memory book containing photos of the pet to remind everyone of the happy times with the pet, or chat with their children about funny moments their pet had, ect. Doing this would help everyone as the parents would be grieving the loss aswell.


EDIT - I don't think there is a time limit on getting a new pet but i wouldn't recommend getting a new 1 straight away. When my dog died we had a new puppy about a week later but looking back i wish i'd waited at least a couple of months.

Answer 5

I think the best method of this would be to sit the children down and tell them that the pet has moved on to another world where they are free to play with fellow animals, eat whatever the like and basically have the most wonderful life.
my parents told me that our beloved dog jess who had died when I was quite young, had merely moved onto that world, but always was looking down on me and would never forget me.
I think a simple little burial service helps too - just where they get to say goodbye to the animal helps - but follow it with a celebration - something that will cheer the kids up - like a party, or a trip tothe cinema. Something that will take their mind off it and make them realise that just because their pet is gone, it doesnt mean they cant have fun.
If possible a replacement pet would be a good idea in my mind as it would cheer the children up and keep their minds occupied on settling the new family member in
xx

Answer 6

Theraputically (unsure of spelling) I would say get them (the littlens) to WRITE a letter to the dead pet, saying how they feel about the death, how much they miss the pet, wish the pet all the love in its new home and life, say they will see it soon, and goodbye. After doing this these letters can either be buried in the garden, set on fire in a tin and the ash scattered (blown with/into the wind to be carried to heaven) or burnt and mixed with the pets ashes.

I think its very important that parents acknowledge losses in the correct way. They say that any loss or mishap can be dealt with in a similar manner. Even the loss of a person can be dealt with in this way, sometimes by just writing what you never felt you had the chance to say (in any amount of situations not just death) can have a profound effect.

I think parents should do this so that littlens know that everything in the pot isnt always rosy and that some things you have to cope with in life are not always necessarily pleasant

Answer 7

Children tend to be very resilient, and as a parent, we can overdo the mourning process long after the child has got over their loss and gone out on their bike!

Allow the child to hold the dead pet if possible, eg hamster, cat etc harder with a horse. I think its a situation where the child takes the lead but dont allow the child to mellow in the loss. Often a pet is the first loss a child experiences. Psycho babble will give long greiving processes so as not to disturb the child. These are usually poppy ****! You know your child best.

Dont lie about whats happened. If the pet has to be put down, ask the child if he/she wants to be present.

I think some of the answers here could actually give a child more psychological problems then the actual loss. To think that Fido is dead and watching me is a bit spooky!

Answer 8

while watering down the experience now might be the easiest thing to do, it would be best for everybody to just tell them the whole truth.
Explain to them that everything dies at some point in time, and that even people will die when they get too old. Sympathize with them as much as possible, but don't overdo it. It is a matter-of-fact sort of thing, so while it is tragic, it is also very typical. They will be sad about it for a while, and may take a while to get over it, depending on their age. If you do get another pet, make sure to wait at least a month before you start looking for one. "out of respect for the dead" This will give the kids enough time to accept the death of their friend, and will have begun to move on with life by the time a new pet arrives.

Answer 9

Here is a very good article on getting over the loss of a family pet

Coping With the Loss of a Pet

Grieving

Five Stages of Mourning

Explaining Pet Loss to Your Child

Reasons for Euthanasia

http://www.homevet.com/bonding/loss.html

Hope this helps



Pat

Answer 10

I think the worst thing they can do is to hide the fact that the animal has died or to get another pet that looks the same and pretend its the same one. This way children never learn to understand the meaning of death.
Parents need to let the child see the body of the animal (providing it is in a full state, ie not been run over or in bits) so they understand it's not just going to wake up. Let them help bury the animal wherever they would like (again, within reason) and let them experience mourning. Let them know it's ok to be sad and encourage them to think about the good memories. let them know that the animal had a good life, eg " you looked after him well, he had a good life, he was a happy cat, dog, tortoise, whaterver". All of this will help the child in later life for when it hapens again, not just with an animal but also anything happens to relatives or friends.