I am still married but hanging by a thread...actually to me (and her more than likely) it is only a matter of time...we have only been married since the end of may...i know that sounds bad...but let me explain....wwe started seeing eachother last year around may and fell deeply in love...she then got pregnant in july and we both made the commitment there and then to stay together....sounds naive i know but if u new the circumstabces you would understand...we had our beautiful baby boy last st pattys day and then had the wedding...and up till then things had been wonderful...but since the wedding things have gone quickly down hill...she fights with me constantly and i know she is miserable...i love her more than any words could prove or say...but to no avail...how can i cope when the one person i live my life for chooses to leave? what can i expect afterward? please help me...im so lost and distressed
2007-08-22 20:39:10 · 6 answers · asked by dislocated_82 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't talk divorce. Talk "making it work". She is a new mother (probably young) and this being married and having a family is a big task - it takes a lot of getting used to. You will have to do a lot of helping around the house - don't expect a sex machine - she probably gained weight etc. and doesn't feel good about herself yet. You need to have some joint professional counseling - marriage takes each partner to give 75%. Don't give up easily - he is your boy too and needs to grow up in a house with two parents. You don't want some other guy to raise your boy.
2007-08-22 20:58:38 · answer #1 · answered by sweetpicker 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hang on in there.
Wow - you do like living in the fast lane don't you?
So - perhaps now that REAL LIFE has kicked in ie. babies, crying, disturbed nights, dirty nappies, rows and arguments, POST NATAL DEPRESSION - it isn't quite so much fun eh?
Before this goes any further - leave this and go and talk to her.
Tell her that you think you have both lost your way - but more than anything you want to find your way back to the best times of your life. Find out what she thinks it will take. I hate to roll out the old 'get counselling' bit - but you both need help - and as yet it doesn't come in a bottle (that would only make things worse!).
Examine yourself to see if you are doing as much as you could be doing to help her with the baby and around the house - I cannot tell you how immense the little things seem to a new Mum - stuff that you will not believe anyone could be serious about will be the MOST IMPORTANT thing in the world to your wife - yes, it is a sort of crazy - but she has been through more than you will ever know.
More than anything - TELL HER YOU WANT IT TO BE GOOD AGAIN and that you just need to be told what she is thinking and what she wants from you.
Cut her some slack - if you show her now that you want to fight for this it will mean everything to her. TELL HER YOU LOVE HER AND ALWAYS WILL.
This is so worth fighting for.
Try not to take it personally - I hate to say this because it is so mis-used - but truly, her hormones are up the creek at the moment- and despite all the rubbish that is talked - not every woman is a natural mother and takes to it like a duck to water.
She might be struggling with a lot of stuff - but perhaps - having gone from the single young thing having so much fun to being (probably) overweight, over tired and hormonal - it is a big shock to the system.
Work it out between you - get strength from each other - work it out together and I promise you - get through this and you will get through anything.
TALK TO EACH OTHER!
Best of luck Sweetheart - go fight the fight of your life!
And congratulations on the birth of your son - make him proud of his Dad that his is going to grow up around!
2007-08-23 03:56:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is hard period!!!
Maybe you both should consider talking w/a professional ~ if not the both of you then YOU!!! Being a new mother, wife and if she has a career this all could be so overwhelming to her and she may not even realize what is happening. It sounds like you truely love her ~ if that be the case then you need to do whatever it takes to find out why she is "miserable" and try to resolve it.
As long as you are making an honest effort ~ if it fails in the end ~ at least you will have peace of mind that you tried...
2007-08-23 03:48:59 · answer #3 · answered by Pomi Momi♥ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
HANG in there! HOLD ON!!! For dear life, hold on!!! My 1st year of marriage I was torn between wanting to
1. Divorce
2. Physically harm, possibly lethally
my husband.
My 2nd year of marriage,
things got better but I was still having homicidal thoughts (I'm kidding of course, I never want to see a jail cell or hell...) and thinking of divorce. We saw a counsellor but it only helped a tiny bit.
Now I am entering year 3. We have mostly good days but some bad ones where I want to do bad things to the man I love. We have a 10 month old daughter and a 14 year old daughter (his step, my biological) and I do not say lightly that if WE can make it, you can make it. Don't leave. Don't quit. Don't give up. Be one of the ones who are on the GOOD side of the statistic, if only for your sweet innocent baby. Babies need 2 parents in the house. If she leaves, ask her what she expects from you, then compromise. My old pastor used to say, Marriage is Suffering. He was right. Its not all fun and games, but if you make it through the suffering, the sunshine comes and so does peace.
peace.
2007-08-23 06:51:17 · answer #4 · answered by Sleek 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know I'm going to sound like a sexist pig for saying this, but I come from experience. Your statement lends me to believe that the fighting started after giving birth to your child. So my first suggestion (as I begin to duck under the table) is to have her see a doctor and have a blood test to see if her hormone levels are O.K. Sometimes the estrogen goes "out of wack" and it affects the moods. Secondly, sit down with her and talk about getting counseling. Sometimes a good marriage counselor is the best thing to get the problems out in the open and deal with them. The other suggestion is to tell her how you feel about her. Make her feel appreciated. I can tell you that divorce is not fun. Especially if children are involved. You both owe is to your new son to try to work things out.
2007-08-23 04:38:06 · answer #5 · answered by Gary M 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
there is life 7 love after divorce, you will prolly hav to pay cs till the kids reaches 18 but you can & will live.... most do happily.
2007-08-23 04:30:55 · answer #6 · answered by hjkrol59 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋