Did I make a mistake?

Question

I started dating my ex-gf again about 2 weeks ago. While I was so in love with her, she said she was just "testing her feelings for me again." I've changed my life significantly and have done everything I possibly could do to show her how much I love her, but she's just not into me like she used be in the past. She says she needs to take it slow, but she's had nearly 6 months after we first broke up to think about our relationship. Obviously we don't have sex, but she can't even hold my hand without being uncomfortable. I tried so hard but I could not take it anymore. She says she cares about me, and wants to love me but says she has to continue to build her feelings for me again. Yesterday, I broke up with her. It's so painful to love someone so much and not be loved back. Some people say true love is worth waiting for, but I'll never know if she would ever fall in love with me again...Should I have just kept on dating her like this forever? Was my decision rash?

Answer 1

Only you know exactly how it is between the 2 of you, but from what you've said it sounds as if you're not feeling like she's attracted enough to you. It also sounds like she's not at all demonstrative of any affection and has totally backed off compared to how she was last time in the relationship.Obviously it had stopped working. I DEFINITELY would have broken up as well.Now she has the choice to step up and change her behavior or not.Hopefully it will also help her figure out how she feels about you (if she's relieved or upset about the break up- It sounds like she was very unclear herself).You HAD to do it. That was not a relationship. You deserve better which means you may get better from her if she comes around. Make her take the action though. You should totally let it go.You're not the 1 who pulled away to begin with.If you don't get it back with her you'll have it with someone better so no worries! After a break-up there's always some residual, "Should-I -have-done-that?" sort of uncertainty.Every day it will get much easier.You'll be fine.

Answer 2

Wow! That is wild! I felt like I was that girl some time ago and it was my ex writing this. I have married now. To tell you the truth, I think you should move on.. There will be other people who will appreciate you more. Ex's are ex's for a reason. I see the difference between my ex and my hubby- not to compare but- he is my hubby becasue I never broke up with him. We never fought becasue we always talked things out calmly and never raised our voices loudly or lashed out.. OUr lines of communication kept us strong and still is. He is my everything- best friend and fairy tale romance.. we both try to add romantic surprises from time to time. (moreso when we were freshly dating- but we still do it a couple times a year now- birthdays!! and sometimes for no reason)
My point is that I hung onto my ex becasue I thought I should stay with my buddy.. we went to highschool together and stuff.. But- no.. fairy tales can come true if you work at it (and if you wait for Ms. Right).. and believe in it. It's all in the mind. What you make happen is what you get- plain and simple. :)

Answer 3

I'd say it was a good decision. She doesn't know what she wants in a relationship and apparently you do. Unrequited love is painful and if you managed to make the break a second time, you shouldn't look back at all. Just let your heart heal and move on. You probably bent so far you broke. You need to be yourself because you can't be what someone else wants to make them want you forever. You can make small changes but really big changes will never stick.

Answer 4

It sounds like you did the right thing as long as you didn't break up with her just to force her hand or "punish" her for not responding to you the way you'd like. While I can appreciate her wanting to take it slow, I think you're right. If she is uncomfortable holding your hand after everything you've been through, I doubt her feelings will "grow" enough for a significant relationship.

You didn't indicate why you broke up the first time so my answer is assuming you didn't do something dumb and she's not having trust issues.

Answer 5

what u do is something honest and comes from ur heart. don't blame your self for what you feel. there are some posibilities..she may seriously need some time before start a new relationship again with you, or she may just f****ing around with your feeling. either way, just don't put 100% on each of it yet, or u might get hurt...again. if she's really is your true love, she'll be back to your arms again...trust on this. i have separated from my true love for eight years for a reason that completely unimagine to be able to solved, but a year a go we got married. so, the point is don't ever feel regret to do what your heart willing to do. if keep dating/seeing her is still comfortable for you to do...then just do it. it might also help her to build up her feeling for you and also help her to see that you are serious with your feeling. who knows...maybe both of you will end up like me too? ;)

Answer 6

I think that u did a right thing. First of all you cannot force anyone to love you, no matter how much u love that person. Secondly life is very short,so dont waste it behind someone who is so very confused in life and cannot take any decision.

Answer 7

I'm glad you decided to change yourself, but you have to respect her actions to go slow. She probably did/should have appreciated the way you changed yourself and decided to show how much you love her. But she also told you she cares about you and was willing to try to gain everything back. She needs time, and if you really do love her that much, you would let the relationship build again, no matter how long it takes.

Answer 8

I don't think so. I think that she has said the words and shown you her choice. She said that she has to continue to build her feeling for you. You don't do that if you love them. You are already seeing that she is uncomfortable holding and loving you. Don't force her into it, and you don't have to wait. She would have said that she had made a mistake and taken you back or would have asked for you before that six months.

Answer 9

dude ,you should read women and change your technics,. the point is, you are showing toomuch feelings for her, be a challange, dont be too available and most important dont wimp and dont try too much to please her. be a little more independent and give her the space. let her come after you for once. stop courting her and start attracting. its not her fault that shes feeling that way, its your fault, you are showing that you need her too much, buck up and stop showing your feelings and she will be attracted to you ..again stop showing too much feelings you are a man..if you dont do what i have told you , she will say ,can we just be friends, and that will be the end. am talking from lots of experience.

Answer 10

How long did you date before? I would say you made the right choice if she really said "testing her feelings for me again" That just seems a cruel and unfair to you.