You fail the greatest test
life
you no longer fear the dark or the monsters
you once did as a child, poor, innocent.
reality hits hard, the day you realize the terror you feared
as a kid, is within you.
it will not falter, and it
shows no sign of weakness.
the days of yesterday:
a blessing to know youve begun to climb and reach the summit of it all
your thoughts begin to crumble and as you loose grip you see
reality, the top of your journey and joy were nonexistant.
you never laughed,
burning truth pours in and the destruction is physically inside.
a virus
you lay to ease the pain.
it builds
a flash of bright light.
quiet darkness
2007-08-22 18:47:42 · 3 answers · asked by i got more beef than cattle 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
It sounds good but I think using more elegant words could make it take a little more effect. Try not to repeat the same idea in a different word such as :as a child and as a kid. make them the same last word or change on to something else completely.
2007-08-22 18:57:46 · answer #1 · answered by I'm_not_dead_yet. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your line breaks need lots of work. You should also consider proper punctuation, like capitalization. You have a few lines with good images, but most of it is prosy. "loose grip"? did you mean "lose your grip" or "loose your grip"? "loose" is the opposite of tight, "lose" is to suddenly be without.
keep writing
2007-08-26 17:19:57 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow..... it describes so much in peoples hearts
2007-08-23 02:02:22 · answer #3 · answered by what do i know im only 12 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋