Is it unfair for a wife to not give oral sex?

Question

I have been married for 16 years (now separated) to a woman who, although is okay with receiving oral sex, refuses to perform it. She's an extremely squeamish person and just finds the act to be disgusting. My problem now is that I'm 49 and I don't get hard just by looking at her like I used to. I need a little foreplay. Oh yes, she doesn't like touching me "there" with her hand either. Her attitude about these things isn't because of any abuse or trauma in her life. Just prudishness.

Answer 1

Her reasoning is just plain bull****. How can she contradict herself and say that she doesn't like to touch it or put her mouth on it.. but will allow it to go inside her? I'm a firm believer in "do me.. I'll do you" lol.. She is being selfish by receiving but not giving in return. She's not a prude.. she's just flat out lazy, selfish and out of tune with her man's needs. As your lover she should be willing to at least try to do what makes you happy and satisfied. (since you are obviously doing the same for her). I say chalk this one up to the game and move on. With all the unhappiness in this world.. the last place you should be made unhappy is your marital bed.

Answer 2

There are alot of other things that can be done in foreplay besides bj. If you knew this before you were married, it's not fair for you to decide now that it's an issue. Many people in marriage try to change each other. If she got off by doing something you were uncomfortable with, it wouldn't be fair to you.

Have you really talked about how to spice up your love life? Asked her what really turns her on?

Any sexual act should be acceptable to both partners. I'm sure there are things you wouldn't be comfortable doing either.

Usually alot of "prudishness" is overcame by trusting your partner and knowing you are pleasing them. Does she do anything that does turn you on? Kiss you in other areas? Be vocal about what she does that does turn you on. Sounds like she is just really unsure of herself in the act of making love.

Is this a religous objection? If so, there is a scripture that says the marriage bed is undefiled which means that whatever the two of you do together is not objectionable in the sight of God.

But you shouldn't change the rules after 16 years. I'm sure there are things about you that she would like to change if she could.

Answer 3

Who is to say what girls like or dislike for what reasons. But I have to say that this may be something your going to have to work out on you own. You have known how she feels about oral sex or even holding your penis in her hand for a number of years. Because you are no longer able to become aroused as you once were able to is no reason you should be able to expect her to change her views or likes and dislikes. Try getting a hard-on the old fashion way when you were not getting laid. Close your eyes and use your imagination. Hope this helps. Good luck.

Answer 4

OK, and you didn't find this out before marriage why? And you've been married for 16 years and are just complaining about this now because? Look, either get out of the marriage or quit complaining about it. You got into it evidently without any problems. Do something about it or get over it. After 16 years it is unlikely she is going to change. BTW, I met a guy who was just like this. Didn't mind receiving but wouldn't give. He wasn't a prude though he claimed to be. If he was he wouldn't have let someone be on the giving side of things to him. Believe me, he never received from me. One date and one conversation and he was history. You should have done the same.

Answer 5

Sounds like your wife needs to get with the times. It's not like your asking for some unreasonable act. I'm surprised that after 16 years of marriage she freaks out over putting a hand on it.

If she can put a hotdog, or popsicle in her mouth it's a similar concept.

I'd mention that IF she ever asked you for oral, why she didn't think returning the favor was fair?

I'm a firm believer in don't ask others for what you won't you won't return.

Answer 6

JC - this is a problem that you should have dealt with 16 years ago - when you married her and you knew then what she would and wouldn't do.

You have absolutely no grounds to start complaining now when you were perfectly fine with how she was for 16 years.

She is set in her ways, and you need to respect how she feels, just like you have for the past 16 years.

Answer 7

Unless she has a desire to change, she won't. You're stuck, I'm afraid. Is the rest of the marriage good? If not, think seriously about how you want to live the rest of your life. I'm sorry you're missing out on something you desire. Sometimes we all have to deal with that in life, but sometimes it's just one of the many things we're unhappy with, and maybe it's time to move on. Only you can answer that.

Answer 8

You have obviously known of this for the past 16 years and I would think the 2 of you would have worked it out by now. Seek counseling with her if it's important to the relationship.

Answer 9

Sorry, they didn't invent that pill that changes a person's feelings about things, and whether or not they like it.

What do you want us to tell you? Do you want us to tell you some voodoo way to get your wife to like touching you or giving you oral? If your wife is too prude to do these things, you have to accept it. If she ends up doing it for you, we can all expect that you are forcing her to, or pushing her farther than she wants to go. And let's say we tell you it's "unfair." Then what? What does that do for you? "Honey, come here! These Yahoo users over here told me that it's unfair! You listen to them, ya hear?"

Answer 10

I don't give my woman oral pleasure but she does it for me. I guess our situations are reversed and I can sympathize with your wife. Its unfair for you to demand something of her that is outside of her comfort level. They have ED pills that will help you out in the performance department. You won't need any foreplay after popping one of those.