Bi-wife wanting to find a female "spouse" for both of us - any thoughts based on experience?

Question

My wife is bi. We both like the idea of being with another woman, but don't like the idea of a fling. Also, we are looking for an emotional bond. So, we discussed finding a "girlfriend". However, that has the problem of being temporal & the girlfriend would not be on equal footing as my wife and I. My wife suggested that we find someone who could be OUR "wife" and we would be on equal footing. Has anybody had any experience with this? These are my concerns:

How could this impact the relationships of any potential children with their half-siblings or their parents?

How does one allow their extended families become aware of the situation? Would you want to hide the fact? Would it even be possible?

How does this affect one on one intimacy with your wives?

Has anyone had any children that were raised in this environment? How did it affect their view of women & marriage?

Having lived in this situation, do you look back and say it was well worth it?

What advice can you give?

Answer 1

I would like to answer that- but not on a public place. So unless you want to email, I will just say this: You need to be very very careful with these choices you are thinking about making. It takes either 2 very special people to incoorperate a 3rd person into a relationship, or 2 very liberal people who are willing to jeoaperdize their relationship for an experiance that could change their lives forever and not always in a good way! Because of the wayI was raised, I would NEVER want my extended family to know. I dont even want to think about what it could do to kids other than make them very confused. And depending on who finds out, they might want to react legally in regards to the children! And certainly I think the "wives" would have to live as equals!

Answer 2

Trois ... watch that movie. Inviting someone else into the bedroom is asking for problems. What if one you begins to want the new girlfriend more? The other would be jealous. What if your girlfriend got pregnant? Would you really want her to have your children? But, would you want to kill your seed? This is the type of situation that has children f--ed up in the head.

I say don't do it on an emotional basis. An once in awhile flings seems like it could add a little spice to your sex life. However, I don't recommend adding a third wheel. Marriage is for a man and woman. Two not three equals marriage.

If you do decide to do it, be up front and honest with your wife and potential mate before getting busy. Be safe and good luck.

Answer 3

This is a recipe for pain and disaster. There is no way you're going to be able to prevent something like this from turning into a competition and a source of hurt. Even just a fling can put huge pressures on a relationship when the comparisons and the accusations start. And they will start. Maybe it'll take a while, but it'll just take once that one of you gets turned down in favour of the other one. Or something will make sex better with one, and will detract from the relationship with the other.

As for kids, can you imagine how messed up they'd be growing up in a household with two wives and open sexual swapping?

There's really no way you can make this work. It's just too much potential conflict and drama. If you and your wife really must have a regular third, then make it a girl that does NOT live with you and is free to pursue another relationship if she chooses. Then you can have your fun, but still be at least somewhat committed to each other.

Answer 4

We have not had a girlfriend although we have talked about it and have decided that we want to have a serious relationship and not just a bed buddy. But I would be the wife and she the girlfriend, so I would have all the privileges as far as deciding what goes on in the household and I'd be the only one that can bear my husband's children. We have had sex with a girl, but she's not our girlfriend. We've decided that we don't want our families to know. And it would be on a need to know basis like if we have children, but no we woldn't be equals. We'd be husband and wife with a serious girlfriend. It doesn't affect our intimacy, it actually has made it better because when we are alone we enjoy each other much much more. If this is what you are seriously considering, lay all the cards on the table from the get go.

Answer 5

What are you thinking about. To even give this serious thought is crazy. You re proably looking at ,WOW, I will have two women.This whole idea is gonna blow up in your face.Marriage is sacred and why would you share your wife with a man or a woman.I'm just a old fool from the old school,and we don't play that.

Answer 6

The only advise that I can give is....DON'T DO IT! My first husband and I started swinging.....didn't think anything could break our marriage up....but we were dead wrong! It will affect your marriage on every level....do you really believe that the intimacy between your wife and yourself will remain the same when you add another to your relationship??? Was it worth it for me and my first husband? I would say no! Being that we are divorced now.

Answer 7

it's called a polyamourous relationship and mine isn't working. two gf and a guy. but BUT I WILL TELL YOU THIS. IT IS COMMUNICATION THAT IS THE KEY AND THEIR CAN BE NO JEALOUSIES AND BOUNDARIES AND LOVE AND RESPECT. THIS IS POSSIBLE BUT IT TAKES ADJUSTING AND A LOT OF WORK. CHILDREN ARE QUITE UNDERSTANDING BUT IT IS AWKWARD. THE ONLY REASON IT DIDN'T WORK WITH MY GF OF 10 YRS WAS THE MAN TURNED OUT TO BE A MAMA'S BOY AND GOT HIS JEALOUSY FITS. THAT'S WHY I ASKED HIM TO MOVE OUT. YOU ALL NEED TO BE OPEN AND COMMUNICATIVE IF IT IS TO WORK.

Answer 8

You should research polyamory. Not many people have ever been in relationships like these.

Answer 9

Leave her now!