Freaking out!?

Question

Okay I am 16 years old and I have been with my boyfriend a little over a year. He first got with me when my father passed away because he felt that I needed the support and that's when we got incredibly close. Like I said, it's been a year now and he wants to break up with me because he says he doesn't want a girlfriend anymore. He says he wants more time to himself and like he doesn't get to do the things he wants to do because of having a girlfriend. I hate myself for making him feel this way because lately I've been going through a really hard time and I've needed him a whole lot, and more than ever. I just panic every time he tries to break up with me because I am going through such a hard time right now that I need to be as close to him as I possibly can be. I tell him to think of all of the fun that we have and blablabla but he just says "But we can still have fun and just be friends" He doesn't understand that I need him more than ever right now ( details added due no room)

Soi have been trying to need him less and less so he won’t feel so kept up and just all about meI don’t know what else to do.I really don’t have any friends at all and well he is the only person who understands everything I am going through because he has been right by my side through all of it. I am just losing it.It hurts too that he now considers me just “anybody”when he says“I don’t want to bewith anybody right now.” How can I convince him that we can make things better and being with me doesn’t have to be all about committing to me so much that he has no time to himself? How can I convince him that we can have fun and be together and I just don’t know what else to say to make him realize how much I need him right now in this part of my life. It’s really hard.Help please!Its not that I expect him to fix everything for me. I have nobody to talk to it about because like I said, I don't have any friends and I have become somewhat antisocial and i pushed everybody away except him.

I just need him to be as close to me as he can possibly be right now ... and so does my family

Answer 1

Everything you said right there....tell him. He will realize that he is with someone so caring and concerned about him. May turn out that he needs you just as much as you need him. Sometimes people push the people they love most away because they don't know what else to do. Keep your hopes up and tell him everything in that gigantic paragraph! = ]

Answer 2

I know that you know, what you must do.
Get a grip. You are all of 16 years old and this is just not the end. Stop freaking out and move on.
He is more than likely feeling smothered.He needs his freedom and you need to give it up. He may not love you anymore and is a gutless wonder when it comes to saying so. Relish what the two of you have had together and go get your old friends back. Or go make some new friends.
I am so sorry for the loss you have gone through but this guy can't fill that void. Talk to your Mother or the person that has been with you all of your life. They have also had the same loss you have experienced. You will be shocked to find out that they too are hurting. Talk to anyone that will listen to you. Go to the priest or preacher. You can also do some volunteer work. What I am saying is, get busy and stop freaking out.
Good Luck

Answer 3

Sounds like a pretty rough situation. I personally suggest that you step back and look at the whole perspective. Being a guy I will tell you what I think. If he has told you that he doesn't want to be with anyone right now, then it is pretty much over. He has made up his mind and it wouldn't be worth your time to fight for something that can end so badly. I know its not what you want to hear, but it is the truth. I suggest that you break up on good terms and use his friendship as the support that you need, you should have other friends to support you as well. That is all you need, the title of Boyfriend Girlfriend doesn't do anything more for your support. Its comforting having someone to love, however if its based on the fact that you need him and he is considering leaving, that is unhealthy. Use your own judgement, and If he cant support you the way you need support as a friend, then you need to question whether he is a good friend to begin with. What ever bad times you may have your real friends are always there, you just need to ask. ...

Answer 4

It sounds to me like you're smothering him - or at least that's how he feels. If he wants to break it off, your begging him or trying to convince him to stay will only make it harder in the end. If you really want to keep him, maybe what you need to do is just take a break. Give him a week or two and see what happens. It may be that once he's not with you constantly he'll start to miss you and come back. On the other hand, once he's not there to constantly lean on, maybe you'll be able to find the strength to support yourself.

I know losing him will be difficult for you. Not just because you love him and depend of him for support, but because it seems like you have your whole existence wrapped up in him.

When I was married I went through a similar thing. My ex-wife was a very emotionally needy person; everything in my life before her had taught me to be a very independent person. In the end, I just didn't have it in me to give her the emotional support she needed. We had other issues as well, but this one wound up creating some resentment in me because she always needed so much even when I didn't have it to give.

Answer 5

I think the reason you feel like you need him so much is cos you don't have any friends and I kinda know what your going through. A few years back I felt the same about an ex I always relied on him to make life happy for me and needed him in my life. But now that we arn't together I have a better friendship/relationship with him than ever before and that is because I stoped being so needy, I feel perhaps your chocking him with too much of yourself like you need to give him space and not be reliant on him, I know you say you want someone to talk to perhaps your insecurity is turning him away from you. You need to love herself before any boy/man can love you, give him space and try and work out your problems on your own and maybe ask your mom for advice. If all fails and you need advice I'll be more than happy to help you. You can email me if you wish. I'm 26 and a little older than you but I've been there and know what it's like.

Answer 6

Honestly I just went through the same exact thing.
I have no friends and I was also going through a hard time. My ex finace said the very same thing to me. I tried desperatley to keep him saying we can make this work. I called off the wedding gave him more time to do things he wanted to do without me. Everything!

to answer your question....I hate to say this blunt but it won't matter. He probaly doesn't want to just be away from a girl. he wants to play the field. Me and my boy went out for 2 years. Once they make the first decsion to break up they won't change there mind. They'll drag it out because they don't want to hurt you. Sometimes no matter how hard you try some things just won't work out. And its not becasue of you at all. You tried everything you could to make it work but thats not what he wants. He wants to break up especially if he's mentioned a break up more than once.
You might benefit more from the break up that staying too. I sure did!! Its hurts at first for awhile but you grow as a person. You're only 16 you have all the time in the world to meet people.You still have a ways to go before you learn life lessons.by the time your 20 you will meet people who just love being around you and desrve your affection.

Always try everything you can before you or he ends the relationship. this way there are no regrets.

things could still work out but its really unlikely. Just remember you're young and there's plenty of fish in the sea. Trust me there are a lot of fish!

Stay strong!

Answer 7

It is not uncommon to become very vulnerable when we lose someone that we love. You need to realize that he is probably been feeling a lot of pressure to keep you happy this last year. He may just need some breathing space. Stay friends and let him have some time. If he truly loves you, he will come back when he is not feeling so stressed out. In the meantime, you need to talk to someone in your family that can help you through your grieving. Maybe your mom or your dad's family would be a good idea. Also you need to start socializing again and making friends.

Answer 8

this is the love doctor and i keep it 100, Bluke the best way to let him know that u care and love him is to let him go. just tell him that you have his best interest in mind all the time and that you would do anything to make him happy. and if this makes you happy then so be it. but u have to understand this lilmama, if you just stay under him how do you expect to meet any new people in your live besides the people that he knows. i guess what i am trying to tell you is venture out he is not the only boy in this great big world, and to make new friends you have to show yourself to be friendly. so keeping it 100 let him go and i promise if you get out there and make some friends he will see what he is loosing because all he see's now is you being dependent on him a man loves a strong independent woman, even though times are tough in your live now you have to be strong and not let him have and i can't say let him have because you are giving it to him, and that is power over you, because of the emotional state that you are in. let him go and then you need to move around and make some friends. always keeping it 100.

p.s. sorry to hear about your dad i'm sure he would says there are other fish in the sea he's not the only boy you will love in this life. stay strong lilmama.:)

Answer 9

Ok you have been way too clingy for this poor guy. He is honest when he needs a breather. Find a counselor to talk to so you ca work through this time. That poor guy can only shoulder so much of your burdens and your families- plus his own.
Do you even know if hes having problems at home?
Your being selfish. Yes your having a bad time right now and need help...but hes tapped out hun. Be thankful he still wants to be a friend and hasn't completely ran away.

Answer 10

You both need a break. Don't break up with him completely, just take some time off from the relationship. In the meantime, you really need a friend. A true friend. They will help you go through this hard time much better than your boyfriend. And, if he still wants to break up with you, tell him how much you need him still. Still, he can help you through this rough patch by being friends. Don't stay with him just for support, stay with him if you truely have feelings for him.