Are you selfish because your formula feed?

Question

I asking this to really find out the truth behind the reason that some Moms choose to formula feed.. The standard answer is it is a personal choice.. well sure it is but why did you choose not to breast feed?

I want to add that I am not trying to be hateful, I am just curious to know what motivates people into formula feeding. It seems allot of Moms don't have the correct information, they don't have allot support etc.. I really want to help not judge.

I am planning to become a laction consultant in the near future. I appoligize if the question came out the wrong way. I am intrested in hearing your stories and I really appreicate your answers so far. I was a little peeved when I asked this because I had just read where a woman choose to formula feed so she could smoke and drink.. I know most of you don't feel the same way.

also I did work full time and still nurse my first two children. I pumped while at work.

Answer 1

I think everyone has different reasons for not breastfeeding.

Some women (very few though) really cannot, due to illness or surgery, or other serious health problems.

Others, are unaware of the benefits of breastmilk. Like the lady who couln't nurse her first baby because her milk dried up, and decided not to nurse her second either, so that her husband could feed as well. If she only knew the benefits of breastfeeding, she would know that they outweigh her husband wanting to feed as well. After all, nature intended for wonen to feed her young ones.
And then there are women like my best friend, whom I love dearly, but she simply chose not to breastfeed because she wanted to be able to go out more, and sleep at night, while her hubby fed the baby.
Some women are unable to do it because of misinformation. I have to admit, if it wasn't for the lactation consultants at the hospital, and LLL, I might have given up. My mom kept saying I didn't have enough milk, and I thought I had no choice but to stop.

Some of us weren't breastfed, and we think, well, I wasn't breastfed, and I turned out just fine. Yes, we can survive on formula too. But is that all we want for our kids? To just make it? What about giving them the absolute best for them?
I'm not here to judge anyone. I really feel for the women that didn't have the right support and information, when they wanted to breastfeed. And I feel for the women that couldn't do it due to health issues. I just don't understand the women that chose not to, so they can smoke, or go out more, or because they don't bother to do the research.

Edit: I can't believe anyone would give blooming chamomile thumbs down. It's so sad that you went through what you did. Women cannot usually let down to a pump, especially after not nursing for 2 whole days. No wonder you were unable to breastfeed. You shouldn't feel bad for one second. Your story is a good example of how important it is to have support in order to breastfeed. I have nothing good to say about the hospital where you gave birth. It's a disgrace.

Answer 2

Every mom has to do what she thinks is best for herself and her child. I think it is wrong for any mom to judge another mom. Being a mom is hard enough without people calling you selfish.

That being said, I breastfed. I bf my daughter 14 mos., and my son for 10. With my son, I was sick almost the whole first year of his life. Really sick. I had to finally be put on meds that he could not have, and so I tried to pump and dump. But, at the end of 3 weeks, my son would not nurse anymore.

I think in this day and age, there is a lot of breastfeeding support and information, classes, etc and I can only think of one mom I know that formula fed. I think at the hospital where I had my kids, about 80% percent of moms leave the hospital breastfeeding. I loved nursing so much I have considered becoming a lactation consultant.

If you are trying to help people and not judge, why not title your question -- how can I help more moms to breastfeed, or something like that. Your tone is accusatory.

All moms should remember that everyone's kids at sometime has a fit in the grocery store, or wears their pajamas and crown and elmo slippers to target. If women would lift each other up and support one another, what a better world it would be.

Answer 3

I am a total proponent of breastfeeding, I am active in La Leche League and do my best to help out with new moms when they're having trouble making bf'ing work. I really have strong opinions about formula feeding and the need to make bf'ing the norm.

HOWEVER, I think that asking if a ff'ing mom is selfish and the wording you've chosen here is counterproductive and will alienate the very people you say you'd like to help. The single most important thing you can offer someone is compassion. This is compounded exponentially when dealing with a hot button issue like breastfeeding.

I don't *agree* with the *choice* to formula feed, but I don't have an issue with the moms who do, kwim? It is important to be able to speak openly, frankly and kindly to each other on this subject. There are a lot of feelings of guilt (implied or real) and defensiveness surrounding bf'ing.

If you are planning to become a lactation consultant, I would suggest working with the International Board of Lactation Consultant Examiners and working on your communication skills and bedside manner. They are JUST as important as your knowledge of bf'ing.

Best of luck!

Answer 4

I don't think people are so much selfish(though I believe some are); it is more uneducated on the subject. I know I was the latter when I had my first son. I didn't realize that it would take a couple days of constant nursing before I would have a good supply; I truly didn't understand the supply/demand aspect of breastfeeding. In my desperation that 5th night I made him a bottle using one of those handy little samples(i am now SO against the formula bags), and that was the beginning of the end. Because I wasn't producing enough, I gave him more formula, which led to even more of a drop in supply, and the vicious cycle started. By the time my son was 8 weeks old he was stricly formula fed.

My youngest is now 8 months old and still exclusively breastfed. He was jaundiced, so we had to stay in the hospital a few extra days. While there I filed a complaint against one of the nurses for constantly pushing formula on me, telling me that the reason he was jaundiced(even though it was improving) was because he NEEDED formula. But, I am rH-, he wasrH+ and it was determined that was responsible; yet she wouldn't leave me alone. Every hour she was in my room asking me what kind of formula I wanted for him. After about 5 hours I told the doc in charge that she was no longer allowed in my room.

By that time I KNEW BETTER! I made it a point to educate myself throughout my pregnancy, so that I would have a successful breastfeeding relationship this time around. I made sure that there were no bottles in the house, I even REFUSED the formula bags. I knew I didn't want the temptation. Those first few weeks SUCKED. I was taking care of a 22 month old and a newborn, I was exhausted. Yet I stuck it out.

I firmly believe that all women need to be fully educated on the benefits, as well as the process of breastfeeding. I know that with my first I never expected something so "natural" to be so hard, and i have a feeling that is why so many women give up and turn to formula.

Answer 5

I have a 6 month old and I still breast feed him but I also formula feed him. Sometimes i'm just too tired and formula helps for someone else to feed him or when we're out in public, i give him formula. I do pump, but not a lot. I don't think it's selfish. Obviously, ever mother wants what's best for their babies and they take care of them in their own way.

Answer 6

I think it's selfish when parents buy drugs in lieu of feeding their children. I think it's selfish when they physically injure their children who are helpless to defend themselves. I don't think it's selfish to feed your baby formula, whatever your reasons. Some folks have "better" reasons than others, but unless you're in their shoes, it's difficult to really judge the validity of their choice.

For me personally, I nursed my first for ten months, supplementing with formula from six months on because he wasn't gaining weight from 4-6 months. He has never had an ear infection, he is normal weighted (if not a bit skinny) and he's three grades ahead in reading - the formula hasn't stunted him a bit.

My second I nursed for six months, supplementing the last two because I had to wean him to formula so I could take medication incompatible with breastfeeding. Was I selfish to put my own health ahead of my son's? Not even a little, since my whole family benefits from my well-being.

Fortunately (though surprisingly), weaning him led to the pregnancy I have now (I'm due in two weeks) and I plan to breastfeed this baby as long as I can manage without my medication. I hope to go for at least six months, but I will not feel guilty when and if the time comes to switch to formula.

I think the problem in this much-rehashed topic is that the majority of folks (breastfeeders and formula feeders alike) know that breastmilk is the ideal food for babies. Formula, however, is an option for a lot of moms for SUCH a wide span of reasons (many given by previous answerers of this question) that judging anyone for not breastfeeding, without having their whole story and being able to empathize with their reasons, is irresponsible. A bottle in the hand does not equal "lazy mother with no care for her child's well-being". Just as a breastfeeding mother is not guaranteed to be June Cleaveresque in her parenting skills.

Answer 7

well for me it wasn't a choice of mine. while my kids were in the NICU I wasn't as stressed and I actually got sleep so I was able to give them breast milk, but after they came home it was very overwhelming and I was up at all times, I am not a napping type of person so it was very hard for me to take naps, some days I would even forget to eat ( because I was very busy with them). I did everything I could drank alot of water the whole 9 yards. I just slowly stopped producing it!
so when I was pumping and pumping and only got 1-2 ounces at a time I had to just start them on formula!

So not every person has the choice to breastfeed.

Answer 8

I don't think it's selfish to use formula at all. When I had my son I tired so hard to get him to nurse and at first he did great, then he tapered off and we had to supplement him with formula then he took off and nursing again. It go to be like a yoyo effect wuith him >When he finally decided her wnated to nurse he did it with such ferocity and frequency that to keep up with his demands I had no choice but to give him formula too when I was too drained to provide him with anything. He was and still is a HUGE eater. After baout 4 months of nursing and formula alternations I just switched to formula soley. I never had to worry about running out. lol and he did quite well on it. I kid you not this baby would eat an 8 oz bottle at 5 weeks!!! so you can see how this could affect me trying to nurse him. I agree that a lot of moms are not supported in the breast feeding area. I think it is a wonderful thing and a great bonding experiece the problem lies within today's society. used to you could nurse you child in public (with a cover of course) and not be criticized for it, now you can't even pop a child on the hand for reaching for somethign they know not to touch with out having the police or child services called on you so can you imagine the things people think if the see a mom with her child under a lil blanket nrusing it in the park??? Work schedules also seem to play a part in it so many moms are setting on go even just a few days after birth that they fele they don't have the time to nurse or even to pump breastmilk out and store it. this whole issues confuses me and I find myself ranting (not angrily but crazyly) b/c i can honestly say I have been on both sides:)

Answer 9

Little miss is now 9 months old, I was breastfeeding her from the day she was born up until 6 months. I just couldn't feed her anymore as I lost the bulk of my supply and in the end I wasn't supplying enough. I couldn't express any, I tried and the most I ever got was 20mls. I work full time from Monday to Friday 7am to 4pm and I couldn't express anything so I had to opt for formula. Sometimes I feel bad for it but Ithere wasn't anything I could do, I lost my milk but I'm still happy I got to breastfeed for 6months.
My husbands friend they just had a baby not too long ago but she couldn't breastfeed as bub wasn't taking to the sucking and he wasn't feeding properly, so she had to go for formula too.

Answer 10

It does help tremendously to have people around you who support it.

Its interesting, there are billboards in my town that say that too, to support breastfeeding moms. So I agree with you on the education, and a lot of times, that just comes from friends and family, who may have never breastfeed. At one time, formula was pushed to be what was best for the baby.