i mostly write haiku so here is sum haiku:
life, i try to die
all i ever do is cry
so why do i try?
the way that i feel
talking with him i have zeal
just dont know for real
well what do u think?
2007-08-22 15:22:35 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
you hate it here:
I saw your profile, and for your age it is very good.I want to give you a tip, "try to write when you feel happy" this is kind of sad; keep on writing, you can get a lot better.
Congrats.
2007-08-22 16:19:12 · answer #1 · answered by fide88101 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay...here's the deal. Your "haiku" is beat perfect, but you missed the form...it's more than just 5-7-5. Whether you do formal Japanese haiku (season words, etc.), the first two lines are supposed to set the picture, the last line is a parallel or turn...and in Haiku, the lines do NOT rhyme. Normally I would provide some advice on how to correct your poem, but in this case, I can't...the rhymes prevent me from even making minor changes.
Your concept was okay, but you need to start over. This time don't try to rhyme and keep the first two lines connected, while the last line turns or runs parallel. Like this:
Why must I always
Cry myself to sleep
Dead eyes know no tears
Do you see how the last line (although grim, no grimmer than your original) is not really part of the first two, but runs a parallel thought to them? a conclusion or synopsis to them?
now you try :) keep writing
2007-08-26 09:51:02 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Awesome!
2007-08-24 16:58:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your a awsome poetry writer! Maybe you will make your own poetry book some day!
2007-08-23 11:09:51 · answer #4 · answered by showdown 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think most twelve year old girls could write at least this well.
Then again, you are limited by the topic which is more hormonal than cerebral.
2007-08-22 17:58:33 · answer #5 · answered by margot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Would make good song lyrics. You should start a band.
2007-08-22 15:31:11 · answer #6 · answered by DW2020 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe most children can write at that level.
2007-08-22 15:56:10 · answer #7 · answered by Ronnie 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Good but I think you should try couplets
2007-08-22 15:25:50 · answer #8 · answered by cheergurl5678 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It leaves a lot to be desired
2007-08-22 15:31:01 · answer #9 · answered by § dreamer § 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think it's good, but short.
2007-08-22 15:28:37 · answer #10 · answered by Steve B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋