Been married for 15 years...Husaband has always checked out other women. We have had many fights and even a separation due to this. Well, he now saids that I do the same thing...check out men. I'm so outraged that I can't think straight...he has accused me of checking out my kids school teacher. I'm so mad because it seems like he can't or won't take ownership of his own mess without trying to make it a joint problem. My question is twofold... do most men check out women? Therefore it shouldn't be a big deal. Secondly, if this matter to me should he at least attempt not to undress these women with his eyes in front of me. Should he have some self control?
2007-08-22 15:05:18 · 17 answers · asked by twin2 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Do you ever look at a pretty dress or purse you cannot buy? That's Roaming eye. You may not do it sexually, but I guarantee you lust after your own objects of desire. What you do with that impulse, is what matters. I love my wife and she is the most beautiful woman in the world to me, but I still find other women attractive. I'm human. I do occasionally have the wandering eye but so does she and it does not bother either of us. It can even lead to funny conversations. Me: can you believe she is wearing that little? Her: she and that sleazy guy over there should get together.
You both need couples therapy. It is a joint problem because all relationship problems are joint problems. You both need a third party to mediate this issue for the two of you.
He needs to try his hardest to not undress women, and you need to try your hardest not to be bothered by it. And you both need to be doing this no matter what the other person is doing because that's what marriage is all about. It sounds like you both need to be reminded of that.
2007-08-22 17:52:53 · answer #1 · answered by Gavin A 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't know how serious it is, but I've never really been the jealous type. My husband can look at another woman and I don't care much, I'll just make a comment like, "tuck in your tongue, baby". I can check out another man, and he makes a sarcastic comment such as "mmmmm hmmm, I saw that". I do know that while he may think other women are beautiful, he loves me and he's coming home to me. I also know he's faithful and would never stray. In my opinion, admiring beautiful women is something all men do. However, if you are speaking to him about it and it really does bother you, then he should stop and it's not appropriate.
2007-08-22 22:14:58 · answer #2 · answered by KaitsMommy2006 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To start blaming our shortcomings on someone else is pretty common, I think. It's goes like this - "You didn't do the laundry"; "well, that's because you didn't wash the car". What does one have to do with each other? You can address the laundry issue first, and then the car issue separately. But people want to justufy themselves, and often they do it by pointing out other person's faults (real or imaginary).
Do men check out other women? Sure. Should he have self-control? Ya betcha. I'm pretty sure my husband notices good-looking women, but he doesn't disrespect me by drooling over them; he is very discreet. The truth is, I won't deny checking out guys either, and he's ok with that. You have to kind of find a middle ground. Is your evaluation of his "checking out" objective? Did you have other people confirm it? Or is it just a figment of your imagination - as you checking out the math teacher is a figment of his? Usually this kind of behavior is pretty evident to outside observers; ask if people you trust find your husband being overly attentive to the opposite sex. It's hard to say - there are two sides to every story, and if you stubbornly stick to yours, and he stubbornly sticks to his, you will never find a solution. Try to evaluate the situatiuon objectively.
2007-08-22 22:22:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do believe men have enjoyed looking at beautiful women from the beginning of time and I don't think it's about to change. I personally believe that your husband would be less likely to cheat or act upon his admiration. I believe it's always the sneaky ones claiming they don't see anyone else but you.
I'm glad that you have at least addressed this with him and maybe he will glance from now on instead of the obvious stare. If you're not glancing at good looking men you should and maybe you won't feel so jilted. There are some nice scenery's out there. God gave us to eyes to enjoy our surroundings.....smile......I think it's normal and nothing to feel insecure about.
2007-08-22 22:26:02 · answer #4 · answered by Kimberly Sue 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is what your husband should do when he see a good looking girl coming his way. Look at her only because she is in his path so it can't be helped but he is not to turn or half turn to look at her again if he does this he should be slapped up side the head or kicked in his balls. Does this sound good to you,and don't you wish you could do that to him. lol
My husband makes it a point not to look at women when we are together because he knows it's not right when your with your wife/girlfriend. I'm the one who says look at her she is really pretty then and only then he will look at her then he says shes ok. Your husband is so wrong in what he is doing to you and to turn it around on you,your husband is 100 % at fought here don't take his crap tell him if he doesn't stop you will start to really look and maybe find someone who will respect your feelings like a husband should.
2007-08-22 22:29:47 · answer #5 · answered by Teenie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's an old golden rule and it goes like this......"You can look but not touch". Use this as a guide and learn to let the looking side of things slip by. Really after all what harm is it doing? and besides you can look also. So relax and start looking at some gorgeous hunks that go by. Yes most males do this activity.
2007-08-22 22:15:14 · answer #6 · answered by Live_For_Today 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's sad to say.... but men do check out women even when they are in a loving realtionship. men are very visual and the tendency is to look. with that said.... men should have enough character to resist looking and lusting. i can understand how you would be hurt when your husband looks at other women and shows little respect to you in doing so. he should have some self-control over his fleshly desires especially when he knows that it hurts you. a man that loves his wife will respect her and love her no matter what other woman may be around.
2007-08-22 22:17:34 · answer #7 · answered by Elmer 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men are men, even if you think theyre not eye balling do you know? Now if he stares repeatly then thats disrespecting you tortally, we women do it too, but we're not as bad.
Like my mom use to tell back in the days even if a man is blind he still can sniff a womans scent from from miles away.LOL@ Just try dressing more sexier and pay more attention on him.And he does needs some telling off girl!!
2007-08-22 22:16:22 · answer #8 · answered by Gen 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Every person on the planet, whether they admit to it or not, check other people out.
A roaming eye is nothing ot be concerned about, sleeping around is!
If he has been faithful, then what are you concerned about?
If some chick walks by the table with her **** hanging half out of her shirt, and a mini skirt up her cootie coo, guess what, i can tell you my husband is not the only one looking...
2007-08-22 22:11:23 · answer #9 · answered by Kaja 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It been 15 years that hes doing this, if you didn't stop him by now you'll never stop him.
most to all men check out women it natural but only the pigs or horn-dogs undress them with there eyes.
so in other words you always have had and always will have a pig for a husband.
2007-08-22 22:15:37 · answer #10 · answered by ♥♥♥♥ 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋