My husband expects me to sleep with him after fights like if nothing happened?

Question

I really am not in the mood to get in bed with him. I think it's because of his attitude. I tell him how can he expect me to sleep with him when we just had a fight.

He gets upset and minor stuff and then minutes later acts like if nothing even happened. Then he want to sleep with me like if we never even fought at all.

What should I do? How can I get him to understand for a woman it's not just jumping in the bed - I feel i have to want to do it too and I am not going to want to if we just had a fight.

Answer 1

I can do it anytime and I'm a woman!!

Answer 2

The vows you made to each other are more important than the silly, petty arguments. Love should be a constant, not something you turn on and off. Depriving each other of emotional and/or physical intimacy, only creates deeper, longer lasting wounds. Sounds to me like you are using sex as a tool to control your husband, punish him like a child if he doesn't act the way you think he should act. Love should be based on 'Deep' emotions, not just 'Surface' emotions, like after an argument. When you open up to your husband in this way, after an argument, he will start to reciprocate this same love back towards you. Someone has to end the vicious circle you both find yourselves in. You say you withhold sex because he argues and I'm sure he says he argues because he is frustrated with not having sex. Marriage works best when two people strive to 'outgive' the other, rather than two people trying to 'withhold' from the other. Serve one another and always put the other persons needs before your own.
Two people who think and act like this will enjoy an extremely happy life together. Best of luck to you both.

Answer 3

well.first off please remember he is a man.we have a tendency to see everything thru closed eyes.we mature a lot slower than you girls.woman.anyway try to be honest with him explaining how you feel about the argument first let him see your point of view.he probably only sees things his way.tell him where you were wrong and where he might have done different thus avoiding the whole issue.but you need to be honest with yourself to.there is all ways your side his side and what really happened.be truthful your feelings ask him what you can do to alleviate the problem but also tell him what you think he can change.what this will do is make him feel more part of instead apart from.it ll help his selfessteem because you are showing love for asking him.but tell him woman have sensitive emotions that you are unable to turn it off and on like a faucet. good luck.Ive been married 17years.

Answer 4

My wife is the same way I don't understand it, with the exception of her picking the fights! My feeling is this no matter when, where or what we fight about i love my wife and would sleep with her, next to her or have sex with her why..... because we are not in high school or just dating! We are married and that means at the end of the day you should reconcile because tomorrow is a new day with new fights!! Also the sex is great when your hot for each other!!

Answer 5

It's hard when emotions get in the way of sex. If he flies off the handle one minute and then the next acts as if nothing is wrong, then maybe that's just the way he expresses himself. He lets it out and then it's non-existant for him. But that's not the way you work. Do you fight back with him or do you just keep your mouth shut? If you currently keep your mouth shut, then I might practice tallking things out while they happen with the hopes that your anger will disappear as his seems to.

If that doesn't work for you, then I would tell him that he needs to watch how he approaches you when he's upset because you're not getting what you need in order to give to him better in the bedroom. That way, despite his normal fighting ways, he'll probably want to change his habits to accommodate time in the bedroom with you! ;-)

Answer 6

I would suggest a pro-marriage marriage counelor, one that is not justin disguise as a divorce mediator. Everyone is jumping to divorce, but they don't know you and they already forgot the part where you said 10 years. I would have a nice talk with him. My husband sees me on fertility sites, but he knows I would never trick him. I like to know stuff about my own body is all. Just reiterate you did NOT trick him. This is the problem with artificial birth control, it puts emnity and blame between husband and wife. When their should be love. It becomes the womans "fault" instead of careful planning or at least "whoops WE got a little passionate and did it on the wrong day" at least in that case its a mutual thing. If you divorce over this, than the hormonal birth control has won.

Answer 7

Hi there, good question and I know just where you are coming from. But i have to ask if you dont want to get in the bed with him who goes to the couch?? I understand your side of being mad and sleeping in the same bed, but his request for you to still come to bed, for a man it shows he still cares and the issue is not about the bedroom so someone leaving that room still wont fix the problem. I would go to bed with him but assure him " goodnite I love you, but we will pick this issue up[ again in the morning". That way you are not going to bed mad but still want to pursue the subject, it is not going away just because you are going to sleep. Men take it as an insult if you refuse to sleep in the same bed even when you are arguing, so then you have more issues the one you are mad about and then he is mad because you wont come to bed then you have 2 issues its like opening a can of worms. Hope this helps and you understand what I am trying to get across.

Answer 8

If he makes you when you don't want to it is rape even if you are married. It is a power trip to demand intimacy after verbal abuse, but maybe it was just a mutual disagreement in which case maybe he is seeking reassurance that you still love him and the intimacy is his way of saying sorry....only you know if itis abuse or a desire to get close/make up. If it is especially rough sex in these instances I would bet on it being abuse. Just say no and make him wait until you are ready...
like whiteboy1691 says the make-up has to happen before the make-up sex.
excuse me but that is just so much cr#p about being a woman and especially the just get over it stuff...you deserve to be treated with respect and gentleness if this is a new relationship heads up this is a red flag! Anger over little things on a frequent basis is not any way to live , from experience, and with love woman to woman.
Constant appeasement from one partner is not a recipe for a good or happy life....thank God some things have changed.

Answer 9

Get over it and sleep with your husband. Didndt your gramma or mom ever tell you not to go to bed angry with your husband. And whatever you do, do not withhold sex from him as a form of punishment. I am a woman, and I personally think YOU are wrong in this situation. Not to mention childish. What? If your child upset you or misbehaved, would you withhold tucking your child in at night and kissing him or her on the cheek cuz you were mad? Ofcourse not, and hate to tell ya this, but men are often like children when it comes to affection and certain things. And besides the best thing about fighting is the make up sex. You need to stop thinking about yourself and your self pride. Just because you are mad or hurt shouldnt mean you love him any less.

Answer 10

Guys think differently from girls. with guys, everything is compartmentized, and has nothing to do with anything else--- when something is over,its over......fights,work,fishing,sex, all seperate--

With women everthing is part of everything, so that a fight in the morning effects work, what you have for lunch and dinner, where you go on Saturday, and what you say to the mailman in the elevator downtown , two months later..

Answer 11

I think my husband and I have an understanding. We can fight all we want and be angry with each other but when it comes to sex NOTHING comes in our way. We can just have had "major battle" with each other, go to bed and have great sex then be mad with each other again. I think that has caused us to have greater respect for each other. I'm not going to let anything get in the way of me having sex.