I have 3 kids from this guy that i was with for 16yrs we never got married. so i put him in prison for hitting me & doing drugs and soon he'll be out. I finally moved on with my life found a very very good man I also moved in with him he's the best!!! but the problem is that what about visit's for the father? i really do want my kids to see their dad for weekends I'm cool with that but i dont want to see or speak to their dad at all so whats the best thing that i can do to avoid seeing or speaking to him? I know that i can be cool with him but now since i have a new bf and i also moved in with him and 2 of my kids i'm scared that my ex will put me down in front of my childern when i leave them with him. but then on the other hand my kids do need their dad. they love my new bf to death and are very happy for me alot but thats not their dad, they already have one, is their anyone that could tell me what's the best thing to do? because i know we both need to be friends for our 3 kids.
2007-08-22 12:41:40 · 13 answers · asked by valrietorres 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
thats kind of sad because that reminds me of my father. My mom was going through hell with her three kids me my little sis and my older brother. My dad wouldnt only beat my mom but he would do the same to his kids too. He didnt have respect for any of his family. He did drugs and was in and out of prison several times and never paid child support my dad even molested me and my lil sis when I was 4 and she was 3 yrs old. Then my mom and dad had a divorce and my mom was engaged again and then they broke up cause he cheated on her and hit her and I know the hell you are going through. It never happened to be with a husband but it did with my mom. Me and my husband are happy and have a baby on the way. The best advice I can give you is toFind a man to treat you with respect and ask him if he will help you take care of your three kids cause you cant do it alone and explain your situation to that person. Tell him you want a man for a friend to help you with your kids or someone who will take care of all four of you and not hit you.
2007-08-29 17:10:38 · answer #1 · answered by Southern Cowgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You made three kids with this man, let him see them, so what if he says bad things about you your kids know whats up. It just makes him look bad, as long as you don't say bad things about him to them. Be an adult and do not send the new BF to pick up or drop off the kids. It's not his fault you have 3 kids with this man, don't put him in the middle, buck up and be a woman and a mother handle this on your own. You were strong enough to have him put in jail, now stand up to him without the bars on. If you think there will be a problem have the police there at the exchange.
2007-08-22 19:55:54 · answer #2 · answered by Glinda W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless your ex has brought harm to the children, there is no reason you should be worrying. You have to consider whether or not your children want to see their dad. It's not always about what you want. They have as much right to see him as he does them. As far as him putting you and your new boyfriend down, well that's just a chance you'll have to take. Kids are alot smarter than we sometimes give them credit. They will figure things out. You'll just have to be strong and be the better of the two parents. Always be positive. Who knows maybe it's just the fight he's looking for and when he doesn't get it he may just walk away and never return.
2007-08-28 14:26:26 · answer #3 · answered by Funeeegurl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The mediator idea is a good one. The best solution is to have SUPERVISED visits with the children - either a family member or a court appointed person. Your kids know he's been in prison, right? So even if he does say something negative, who has the better credibility? As long as you are doing right for your children, they will know it. If your ex won't do supervised visits, don't agree to let the kids visit with him. With his background, any court will back you on this, guaranteed. BTW - my ex was in prison and I had supervised visitation stipulated. I know from which I speak!
2007-08-22 19:57:12 · answer #4 · answered by the_dragyness 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may want to seek the help of a mediator in family law.
This person can help with the visitation thing. They can also be there at first visits or when there is a drop off or pick up. It is almost like supervised visitations. I hope he was never abusive to the kids or you may even ask about supervised visitation. But check with family court about this. You can get help also through Safe Horizon with legal help and fees if you need it if you are in NYC or NJ area, but I am sure your community has some sort of program like it in place
2007-08-22 19:51:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Usually prison doesn't change people. They only change if they want to. If your ex was abusive towards u and was abusing drugs, why would u want him to see your children? What if he abuses them? It's difficult to break the habit for a person like that. You should first see if he's changed. If he's worthy enough to see his children. If he's still violent then he has no need to be in their lives. He'll just pass it along to his kids and continue that cycle. You don't want that for your kids.
2007-08-30 11:26:44 · answer #6 · answered by jmiller 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Arrange to drop the children off with a relative and have him come pick them up after you've gone. If you don't have relatives nearby, DPS will help. I think the deecision not to see your ex under the circumstances is very wise.
2007-08-29 12:28:05 · answer #7 · answered by lfh1213 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to become friends with him. If that doesn't work have your new bf drop off/pick up the kids from there dads, but have the dad drop them off and pick them up. Good luck.
2007-08-22 19:45:51 · answer #8 · answered by Narb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, he will put you down in front of your children. Just like my ex wife put me down in front of my children. It happens all the time. Let your children find out for their own selves who is BSing whom. It all works out in the long run. Children are not dumb. Or are you afraid that they may find out something you don't want them to know?
2007-08-29 03:45:36 · answer #9 · answered by Skysoldier 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
live life over again, i think it is ok for the kids to have the new dad, which i think the kids will be happier since they loved him
2007-08-27 00:56:02 · answer #10 · answered by chocolate929 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋