Before You Got Married Did You Do Any Talking About Important?

Question

issues such as finances, child-rearing, chores, etc.? Or did you just talk about the wedding colors?

I've been married happily for a long time...I think people who get divorced don't talk about the important stuff or they only talk about the wedding.

Answer 1

Once we were pretty much sure we were going to be together forever, even before we made the engagement official, pretty much every date, or get together had at least some time spent talking about our futures. Sometimes we'd get home from a movie, and spend hours on the front porch talking about kids, how we were going to raise them, our lives together, where we were going to live, and on and on and on. We drove her mother nuts, because sometimes we were at it until 2 or 3 in the morning!
Our wedding was about as low budget as it could be, so it probably took about two phone calls, and a Saturday shopping, and it was a done deal.
It's been working for 30 years now so we did something right!

Answer 2

You definitely need to talk about the important issues like finances, child-rearing, helping out around the house. This are not small things and in case you haven't noticed, there are LOTS of questions on this subject here, probably because they didn't talk about and now their philosophies are not matching. What if your future husband didn't want kids and you did? That's a very important topic. Also, the finances thing is important. Not only about spending habits and plans for saving for the future, but also how you share the expenses, who pays for what, or whether you pool your money. Lots of guys think that women should stay home and take care of kids and house and they shouldn't have to help out. Well, this kind of thing can cause lots of stress on a marriage. Definitely talk about ALL the important things, no matter how trivial they sound.

Answer 3

well my fiance and i live together, so that makes things a lot easier for when we get married. we know how the other is as far as chores go (we never really have to ask the other to do anything, cuz we each do whatever we see needs to be done). he has two kids already, so i know how he acts as a father, and he knows how i act as a mother, because i coudln't love them more if i had given birth to them myself. there are some things he does with his kids that i don't agree with, but i don't feel that i have a right to say anything, because they're not my kids. it's nothing big though. and as far as finances go, we're both very responsible, and we split the bills according to who can afford what, etc.

if you're not going to live together before getting married though, those are DEFINATELY things that need to be discussed.

Answer 4

We talked about a full range of subjects, really because it was part of the preparation steps from the church leading towards the wedding. We also went to a weekend retreat as part of that program. I'm realizing it's as important for both to continue the discussion afterwards...

Answer 5

Yes. My wife took a class in college about life management and marriage, and I read the book as well. It was actually very beneficial, and it felt good to know we were of the same mind on the big issues.

As for wedding colors, I had no opinion. Who gives a damn about colors?

Answer 6

Oh yeah, we talked about it all. We lived together for over a year before we got married, so we had ample time to address all the issues.

Answer 7

We talked about it all before we got married. We have been married for 11 years. The talking before really helped but it is still hard because you change and he changes and you have to work through it, but it is well worth it.

Answer 8

I'm set to get married in May, and we've been discussing all those factors, you need to be prepared to face the worst as well as the best.

rushing into it, or ignoring the big issues probably won't help in the long run

Answer 9

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Answer 10

We didn't talk about any of that. My husband turned it all over to me cause I love coming up with ideas and making things pretty. I picked October 1st cause it's on my sister's Birthday and the leaves are a pretty color because of autumn. I wore a white wedding dress but our wedding and reception decorations were baby blue. He was just happy to be getting married to me and the feeling's mutual. As for finances, child rearing and chores. Don't bother with it. It will all fall in to place. It did for us and now we have a one year old daughter together. Don't stress over the small details.