She is a stay at home Mom, but she works part time. She struggles with depression from time to time. I just think it's a matter of thinking positive, but she says it's not so simple. She wants to leave me because she feels like she isn't good enough. She won't go to counselling because she says we don't have the money to spend on it. How should I handle this. Is there anything I can say or do to make her feel better?
2007-08-22 10:50:59 · 18 answers · asked by robinslooking 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Depression such as hers is a MEDICAL problem. Insist that she see your family physician and tell him/her that she is very depressed and having thoughts of not being good enough, etc. There are many medications out there that can turn her life (and yours) around. Get going, and good luck.
2007-08-22 10:59:04 · answer #1 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have been through the same thing. Let me tell you right now, do not tell her it's a matter of thinking positive. That is just going to upset her. Validate her feelings.
Do some research on Depression, pick up books, go to VALID internet sites, videos, etc, to learn exactly what it is. Until she feels that you have a firm understanding on what depression is, there is nothing that you can do or say that is going to make her feel better.
End result is Counseling (and maybe medication, thats up to the Dr.). If money is the problem, talk with your work, a lot of jobs today actually covers counseling today.
Good luck with this, there is no "quick fix" for this type of situation. Just be understanding and support your wife. I hope everything works out great.
2007-08-22 11:07:28 · answer #2 · answered by shaggymaster 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
her hormones are messed up. Post partum depression is a real issue and should be adressed by a dr. They may prescribe a mild anitidepressant or they may just reassure her that she is ok. being a new mom is hard, being a new mom with raging hormones and a screaming newborn and 3 other children is even harder. She probably feels like she has been sucked into the miassive hold and feels like she cannot climb out. Until you can get her to a dr is there anyone who can come and sit for a few hrs? you can take her out for dinner and just give her some downtime. If not than reassure her that she IS ok, she is a great mom, and that you love her. PPD can have some drastic effects if its ignored or not taken seriously. PLEASE make sure her dr listens to her if he/she will not help and shoves it under the rug please find another dr. Most women get through thsi on their own but there are also a large number of women that needs medication to help through it. Its not forever, its just for a while. if she is nursing do not let the dr say there is nothing that is safe while nursing, there are plenty a/d that can be used safely during breastfeeding.
2016-05-20 02:12:08 · answer #3 · answered by elly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depression is a real condition and no matter how positive or encouraging you are, it will not help. She needs to see her primary care physician. It will be well worth the money spent. Depression is not something that just goes away on its own, it takes time and commitment. There are many sites online that give suggestions, but she should really visit her doctor.
2007-08-22 11:09:34 · answer #4 · answered by Lin W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really there is nothing you can do. She has to want to get better. I am also a depressive wife at times. I talk to my husband about it, and somethings feel not good enough for him too. But I never want him to leave, or for me to leave. Your wife really needs to see someone. There are so many types of medication out there, and I believe in it, not forever but to help get over the rough spots. By talking women release their fears, disappointments, sadness, and really feel better afterward. I would urge her get help. There are places for every budget. This is often a chemical in the brain that is off just a little, it is a illness, and treatable.
2007-08-22 11:05:47 · answer #5 · answered by Seasidelover23 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do some special things for her that you used to do before you had kids. Plan a special evening out and shower her with genuine compliments. Make sure she knows you appreciate her and the things she does with the kids. Try giving her a day of pampering for herself...let her kick back and relax without having to worry about the kids. Simply say "thank you" after dinner or something. Hug and kiss her from behind and tell her you love her.
Remember that women are VERY complex...when she says it's not so simple, she's right. We don't like hearing "just think positive" or "snap out of it". Ask her to talk to you and let her know you are there for her. Listen to what she says and try to help by offering solutions for her concerns (help with housework if she is overwhelmed, for example).
Good luck! I hope I helped...
2007-08-22 11:01:50 · answer #6 · answered by TheMrs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I admire your concern. There are too few men out there that would be as caring as to ensure her emotional well being. If you do not have money for counseling there are many programs that provide a sliding scale payment plan or some that are even free. It sounds like she has a problem with self esteem. You may want to compliment her more and spend more time out on "dates". She could be helped my medication. Insist that you work together to find a way for her to go to counseling.
2007-08-22 10:59:11 · answer #7 · answered by theartisttwin 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to encourage her.
Make her feel loved.
Try to get her to work full time if possible.
She will feel more useful for bringing in more money, and she will not be home as much to be as sad.
If all else fails, just be there for her when you can. I have depression problems and I think it would help A LOT if my hubby showed me compassion and caring.
Also, please, try to understand that whatever the reason for her depression, she may not be able to think positively.
If you think shed go to counseling if you could afford it then look in your local phone book, or on line for the nearest mental health clinic, they give free, and low cost care to the community.
But PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, be patient with her, and make sure she knows how much you love her and for all the reasons. Smother her daily with the things you love about her. This way she will begin to feel more like she is worthy of you, and she may even begin to feel better in general. Remember, its not fun to be depressed and not everyone can control it as well as others. Everyone gets depressed for different reasons.
Ill be thinking of her, hoping she gets better soon.
2007-08-22 12:28:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The thing is, depression CAN'T be cured by just thinking positively. It's often caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. If you can't afford a counselor and medication, try a natural alternative such as St John's wort.
2007-08-22 11:07:08 · answer #9 · answered by pisceswoman87 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's easy to say to "think positive" when you've never been so overpowered you can't even think straight. (I don't mean overpowered by some external event - many people had to deal with trauma, and emerged stronger than before; but overpowered by "nothing"; something you can't see, you can't fight, you can't confront; it's hard.)
I've been on antidepressants for several years, and it's made a difference in the way I feel. I have health insurance, and mental health is covered under it - but even when I wasn't working and didn't have insurance for a while, I still paid to get this prescription. To me, it was worth it.
2007-08-22 11:00:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋