I dont get it?

Question

My husband and I planned a baby together. We got pregnant. I am 31 weeks along now. And now he doesnt want it. I dont understand. He doesnt even want to get anything for the baby.

Answer 1

perhaps the reality of the impending birth is a little overwhelming for him. consider getting a little couples counseling before the baby comes. this will help ease the transition. if he won't agree to this, try to talk about what is worrying him so much. is it the money aspect of a new family member, concerns about his ability to be a good dad, concern that your sex lives will suffer, etc? you can't resolve this issue until you figure out what it is. listen to him. just listen.

if he is worried about the money, you two should sit down and map out what your expected expenses are and how they will likely change. having some concrete info on paper could help ease his anxiety.

if it is about his fitness as a father, try to enroll in a red cross class on child cpr, diapering, feeding, etc. also, try to watch a young child for one day. encourage him and let him know how well he is doing.

if it is about your sex life, don't just reassure him with words. agree now, that once the baby is 12 wks, you will both set aside one night a week to spend alone. if both of your parents live in nearby, you can alternate weeks btwn them so the grandparents will feel included, but not burdened to watch your child every time. one those days (maybe every saturday) plan fun events like museum trips, dinner dates, indoor rock climbing, etc.

new babies are very intimidating and stressful for men. you have already gotten a chance to know your baby and his habits. you have had nine months to connect with your baby. for your husband, the baby is still largely an idea, a mysterious entity that is changing your lives. be patient. be considerate, be compassionate.

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Answer 2

He's scared. He doesn't feel like he wants the baby because he realizes it's REAL and he will have to SHARE you soon. These are immature feelings, and he should soon realize this and do better (once the baby comes). Since he is this type of man, though, you should be sure to make a special time of day for your husband once the baby gets here (and get your mother or sister to babysit so you can go out once a week alone with your man). That will help your husband get over his feelings of being "replaced" in your arms.

Answer 3

As the arrival of the baby approaches, he may be second guessing his decision to be a father. He may be dealing with some serious doubts and this is how he is dealing with it. Try talking to him and asking what his concerns are. Perhaps just some reassurance from you that he will be a good father is all he needs. Just don't jump to conclusions. The only person who knows what he is thinking is him, so you are going to have to go straight to the source.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

It's a fear-based reaction as the enormity of the situation is dawning on him full force. It will pass over time...but things still have to get done in the meantime. Talk to him gently as you are able to see if you can elevate his consciousness a bit (but if it devolves into a struggle, leave it alone). The reality of this situation will come to fruition whether he gets it or not...ultimately he is aware of this fact. Congratulations, too!

Shauna has some amazingly insightful information to share...

Answer 5

He is acting like an ***. Remind him he wanted this baby and it is time he step up to his responsibility. If he refuses then to hell with him. He obviously is just scared of the responsibility that comes with having a child.

Answer 6

What? It's a little to late for that now.....

Answer 7

How long did you know this loser before you married him?**