What to do about marriage?

Question

What does a person do when their BF doesn't want to get married and the other does? This is what is happening with me and well, I have no idea what to do really. Someone help me out?

Answer 1

I hear ya, Sister Friend, LOL. My BF of 5 (yes, 5) years still shows no interest in getting married in the near future, even though he says he definitely wants to get married to me someday. The problem I have is, for me, "someday" can't be too far off if we want to have kids, because I'm 27 now, and I really have no interest in being an "old mom" and having to struggle with infertility treatments and other medical problems that affect women who try to get pregnant after about age 35 or so. So for me, if he truly wants to be a married guy with a family someday, he should probably get crackin' on that within the next year or two so we can start a family at a reasonably young age.
On the other hand, he is nearly 2 years younger than I am, and if he truly doesn't feel ready for such a huge life step, I'm not going to pressure him into it. I am 100% against double standards in relationships- if the tables were turned and I was the younger one and he was pressuring me into marriage, I can tell you I would not like that at all. So for that reason, I try to respect his feelings and not bulldoze him into marriage. When the day comes that he finally asks me, and I know it will, I want to know in my heart that he wants it just as much as I do, and not that he's just doing it to get me off his back, or to keep me from leavng him. I just don't see how a strong marriage can be built from such begrudging beginnings. In the meantime, I just enjoy the two of us being together in what will someday be "the good old days." Sometimes when I start getting panicky about it, I just list in my mind all the things I'm NOT looking forward to regarding getting married (example: his mom probably forcing me to have a huge church wedding and invite like 300 people, when all I really want is a simple ceremony with only the people closest to us in attendance.) Just talk to your boyfriend about his ideas about marriage in general, and if he sounds like he wants to someday, just not right now, keep him around...

Answer 2

People are going to have different views to you. Whilst you are evidently strongly for marriage - which indicates you're religious, it appears that your boyfriend is not.

Perhaps you need to think yourself about how important marriage is for you, and just why you want to get married. A lot of marriages just get shot down in unhappy flames...