My fiance and I are both 35.I just got him his first Credit Card and it came 2 days before school started, which was perfect because I had no money to get my kids school stuff (we moved last month and the move-in fees came from my paychk) and I have 2 kids from my previous marriage. But when I called him to ask if I can open it he said no, that he would (since he's never had one before...WTF?) Anyway, he NEVER even offered to help me with the school stuff. He just let it sit there on the nightstand. I am so hurt because I earn most of the money and pay all the big bills, so I am always paying for things when we go out...etc. This really makes me not want to marry him. Why would he do that?
2007-08-22 08:44:29 · 24 answers · asked by mchsm2004 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I do recieve child support from my ex, but it is very small because when we went to court, my income was more than his.
2007-08-22 08:52:06 · update #1
well this clearly needs to be worked out before you marry him. Why do you pay most of the bills? He should be paying his fair share. You need to have a big long talk about money before this relationship goes any further.
2007-08-22 08:50:46 · answer #1 · answered by LB 6 · 6⤊ 1⤋
Have you discussed your financial arrangements with him? This isn't something that's going to resolve itself; you have to talk about it and decide how to handle your finances. Don't fume at him, he probably doesn't even realize you expect him to help with YOUR kids. Talk to him, and work out an arrangement that is satisfactory to both of you. If you earn most of the money, you're going to be paying most of the bills - you have to be very realistic about this. It isn't gonna change after marriage. If you can't deal with it, then find a guy who makes at least as much, or more, than you do. But if you want to be with this person, there are certain things you need to accept and work with.
You can always set up a joint account where both of you contribute a percentage of their salary, and pay the bills from there. But you can't just choose to pay the bills, and then be mad at him for "not helping" because he couldn't read your mind. Make your expectations known. Good luck.
2007-08-22 15:54:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
He's wary of your handling of money and he should be! Why in the world would YOU get him a credit card?
I'm guessing it's because you have credit cards charged to the max or have credit problems or can't afford more credit and want to use his credit card for your needs. NO, no, no, nope.
He shouldn't be helping you with school stuff - you should be living within your means.
That means not using someone else's credit. His name is attached to that card. I don't care if you put on a mustache and pretended you were him in order to get it FOR him. He is still the owner of that card.
This attitude is going to bite you in the butt and you know it. I'd hold off on marrying this guy. He's not going to play financial games with you and you are bad news for him if he does play those games.
Learn to budget. You think you know already but you don't, believe me. No one uses another's credit card because it's a way of circumventing a financial problem.
2007-08-26 13:53:30 · answer #3 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO...it's his credit card, not yours. He's responsible for paying it back and until you all are married, his debts are his and your are yours.
If you earn most of the money, that's probably why you are paying for everything. If he doesn't make a lot of money, how is he going to pay the money back he puts on the card?
You guys should probably work out a budget and divide up expenses.
What about child support from your ex?
2007-08-22 17:27:58 · answer #4 · answered by Wayne B 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why did you get him a card? He's an adult, let him get his own card. I'm surprised it took you so long(being you are engaged), to figure out the guy is a loser. Now as far as him not paying for your kids' school things, he's not responsible for them. You and your ex are. Yes, he needs to pay his share of the rest of the bills. My best advice is no more dating, since maybe your choices in men aren't the greatest, and your kids don't need the drama of men in and out of your life until they are adults. I also endorse getting married before living together. A man who loves his woman marries her before having sex with her. Good luck.
2007-08-22 16:03:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
OMG!!! DON'T MARRY HIM!!! I was in a similar relationship with my ex. when I met him he didn't have a job. So i payed for everything and got in debt so badly. As soon as he got a job I thought he would help me! He became the most selfish person ever. He "loan" me money when I needed it and then threw it in my face half the time.
If he loved you, he would want you to be happy, stress free, but then again, a lot of men don't think of shitt like that.
My advice is sit and talk to him and let him know what is bothering you. He knew that commiting to you would be commiting to your children also!
I honestly would RUN if he is already showing traits of selfishness! You don't need that!
2007-08-22 15:56:17 · answer #6 · answered by Yellow 1 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Well he doesn't show to care very much for you does he?
You are saying "This really makes me not want to marry him", but it seems to me that you are already in truble lady. Because you are talking about paying bills and stuff, that means that your living with him already. You have already the problem there, he is using you already. If you are his fiance or whatever you have for relation to him and you stand for yourself economic and he see that you need help with the school stuff with the kids, the normal thing to do is that he helped youa little. I don't think he is selfish, Im SURE he is. Get rid of him before you end paying his cigarrettes, wiskey and fishingstuff!
2007-08-22 15:56:19 · answer #7 · answered by M. V 2 · 3⤊ 2⤋
There are so many things wrong here that I don't even know where to start... He's 35 and has never had a credit card, and YOU had to get it for him?? You pay most of the bills?? You already have one failed marriage and are living with a guy who is clearly irresponsible??
You need to re-assess your life and your choice in men.
2007-08-22 15:51:09 · answer #8 · answered by greeneyes_bjb 6 · 6⤊ 2⤋
Why don't you ask *HIM*?
Listen, a bunch of strangers from the internet aren't going to be able to counsel you on the best course of action from one side of the story... Especially over something like money in a relationship.
This is something you need to discuss with him directly instead of airing it all over the net. If he isn't earning enough you need to ask yourself if that's something you can deal with.
Finally... Stop going out... Stop paying for everything... Have a backbone... You don't have to shoulder everything!
2007-08-22 16:13:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
money is a leading cause for fighting in a marriage and divorce, so you'd better get the communication lines open before you make any mistakes. don't expect a man to read your mind about anything, especially money! tell him you need to use the card. whose name is it in and who pays the bill on it? if it is a joint account you should have two cards.
good luck!
2007-08-22 15:55:58 · answer #10 · answered by just me 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋