How should we tell my parents that we are engaged?

Question

My parents are very traditional, and always wanted me to finish my graduate degree before I got married. My fiance and I are both 20 years old, in our third year of college. We've already been together 3 years. We plan to marry after we graduate from college in 1 year. How should I tell my parents? His parents approve and are very happy for us, but up to now my parents have refused to even MEET my boyfriend because they know that if they meet him they'll have to discuss marriage... and they just don't think I'm old enough to do that yet. How should I tell them that he is now my fiance, and that he wants to meet them to tell them our plans for marriage?

I just know that my dad will get really mad and refuse to speak to me or something... I know they can't PREVENT us from getting married, but I'd like to have their blessing! My parents live a 4 hour plane ride from us, so we can't really get to them easily or just invite them out to ea

Answer 1

Tell them in a letter or over the phone.. Let them blow a gasket on their own time.. not yours.
Sounds like your father is a control freak.

Answer 2

very interesting considering my husband and i were nearly in the same situation, except that both sets of parents knew and liked us together. but, i was 21 my fiance was 20 and we were planning to get married after graduation. i'm a sarcastic person by nature and i knew it would be an awkward conversation. so, i talked to my mom first. we were in the kitchen talking and i said, "mom, (long pause for effect) i'm pregnant." she looked upset/disappointed, and then i said, "just kidding, but i am engaged." see, if you present them with the worst case scenario (unmarried pregnancy) anything in comparison seems like a relief. ok, ok so this might not work for you, but if you are adult enough to be married then you are adult enough to "break" the news. my approach might not fit your situation, but try to come up with some other creative way to tell them. consider telling the more supportive/easy-going parent first. in this case, your mother. this will give her a chance to ask you questions and see your point of view. then she can be on your side and provide support once you tell your dad. to avoid my parents feeling like they had to have a censored response, i told them on my own, without my fiance being there. otherwise they probably would have felt ambushed or caught off gaurd. stress to your parents, that you both fully intend to finish school. also, come prepared with a plan for how you two plan to make a living, afford your bills, and where you plan to live. THEY WILL ASK! the more it seems that you have given this serious thought (don't just say, we love each other. it will work), the more inclined they will be to get on board. if possible work up a rough budget detailing how much you two currently make per month, what you expect rent, groceries, entertainment, bills, etc to cost per month. take a deep breath, it will be ok.

oh, btw, i'm 26 he's 25 and we've been married 4 yrs. we are still thrilled. he's got a corporate job, i'm in school to be a doc, and we own a home. it can work, but be prepared.

also, i am a sociology student conducting an anonymous study on sex and relationships. visit: http://geocities.com/sbiv37/marr

Answer 3

If you already know the worse, why do you have to tell them right now? If they see the ring just tell them its a friendship ring. Yeah, they will know you're full of it but they won't dare bring it up either. Its sad that they are treating you this way but you can't stop your life because of "their rules". You're a young lady and you have to make choice for yourself even if they are the wrong ones. You are doing the right thing by waiting til your out of college and i can highly respect that move. It shows you both are responsible. They have to learn to trust your judgment sooner or later. If they decide not to talk to you...don't worry it wont be forever. You're their baby and their anger will subsid but never lose site that you are still your own person and you must make your own decisions as well as listen to their opinions. Remember that word. they are only to make opinions now. They really need to let go and you need to help them with that or they will continue to be in your marriage when you arrive at that point and how miserable that will be to your "husband". Take care and good luck!

Answer 4

Write it in an e-mail; be sweet but direct - it may disarm them. Depending on what you're comfortable saying to your parents, you could word it in a way that addresses their concerns in some way. Something like, "I know that you are very concerned about my future, and you want me to have a great life; I do understand that you feel I am too young to get married. But I hope that you will accept my decision to get engaged to _____; your blessing is really important to me, and I would like you to know that we made this decision after giving it careful consideration. You've been great parents and you taught me well; please put your trust in me, and support me in this transition. I will appreciate it very much." Something along these lines? At least, this is how I would have worded it to my parents if I was in a similar situation. In any case, doing it through the e-mail will give you a chance to word your thoughts clearly, and will give them a chance to absorb the news and consider it before it has a chance to escalate into an outright argument. Afterwards, you can follow up with a phone call.

Answer 5

You need to talk to your parents and let them know that you are an adult now. Tell them how happy this man makes you, and that you are not planning on getting married until after you graduate from college. Most parents only want their kids to be health & happy. I think that you are daddy's little girl and he doesn't want to let you go. Because then he has to trust another man to keep you safe, happy & loved. Send them pictures of you 2 together, pics of the 2 of you with friends, & together with his family. This way they can see how happy you are & they have time to adjust to their little girl growing up.

Answer 6

first of all you need to tell your parents face to face not over the phone. Tell them that you are in love and that now you are in college and 20 years old they really can't stop you but you would like to have their blessing in your marriage. Tell them that he is a good guy and that you would like for them to meet him and then maybe go out to dinner all 4 of you.

Answer 7

This kinda happened to me too....but I told my dad after all and was surprised when he kept quiet for a while and finally said yes. It's your life and happiness not their'. So no matter what tell your parents and go on with your plans. Even if they are stubborn, with time they will get to their senses.

Answer 8

Ok why dont you introduce them by pphone first...Then later on tell them your planning on a trip out to there house..Tell your boyfriend to have the "talk" with your dad about taking your hand in marriage while you're in town visiting. He may calm down after that. Dont just blurt it out ok..I am sure it can be frustrating...
Congrats!

Answer 9

Just be honest and tell them. If they get upset, they will get over it once they realize that you are old enough to do what you want regardless of how they feel. Sooner or later they have to realize that they can no longer control your life - it might as well be now that they discover that little fact.

Answer 10

You say "Mom, Dad we are getting married and you are invited to our wedding." They can say and do what ever they like after you tell them, then you just go ahead with your plans and if they come cool. If not oh well.