My relationship is going to crash if I don't figure this out. Ok, here goes.....
I was married for 8 years to a guy who cheated on me and I never saw it. He went to work on time came home on time and spent all his spare time with me, yet he found time cheat. We didn't socialize ( except with his family) we didn't do anything but work and take care of the kids. Now, I am with a great guy who enjoys socializing, has goals, seems open minded and outgoing, yet I feel I can't trust him. Virtually all his friends are females, and many have been close in more ways than one at one point in time or another in their past. He will call them, talk to them, tell them he misses the sound of their voice, he can't account for his time, he doesn't tell me he has talked to them, or been at their house, or gave them a ride somewhere.... He says he is honest, and wouldn't do it. yet these girls are making passes at him and he just allows or plays along with it. How am I supposed to not be fearful?
2007-08-22 08:17:39 · 12 answers · asked by Linda S 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I see that every situation isn't the same, I don't know that he is cheating. I do know I am uncomfortable. He has always had female friends, he says guys don't try to be friends with him, even though he has tried. He says he loves me, does romantic things, and tells me that I am blaming him for what my ex has done to me, I just won't open my eyes and see he is a great guy. I want to believe him, i just don't want to waste another 8 years, is a matter of fact, I don't want to waste anytime at all, especially living in fear. I want to trust him, I do love him. He has been a blessing in many ways, and has opened my eyes to many wonderful things, but these few things are hard to deal with. He doesn't even tell these girls who I am, unless I mention it. I am soooooo LOST!!!
2007-08-22 08:41:59 · update #1
I want to add again, I can't say he has cheated, and I don't want to blame him for something he hasn't done. I want to trust him. If you have any suggestions please tell me. I do sincerely love him.
2007-08-25 07:09:08 · update #2
It sounds as though you are suspicious of him. It also sounds as though you have reason to be. As in the old joke--Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean you're not being watched! :)
His behavior is bothering you. I know it would bother me. I think it would bother most women. If he can't stop flirting and you can't live with it, it's time to consider cutting him loose.
2007-08-29 05:22:23 · answer #1 · answered by lfh1213 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's a really tangled web, my girl, I do feel bad for you, 8 years is a long time, I never saw it coming either.
While I can't say for sure, I would be uneasy with your current situation too, it sounds eerily like history may be repeating itself, but this is a different guy. Try this little experiment to see if you are really overreacting:
Start collecting guy friends and initialize the same kind of conversations and behavior your current boyfriend is exhibiting, how he reacts will let you know the nature of his "friendships" with these other females.
If he gets jealous or reacts negatively, you have the card to play in your hand to explain to him that HIS actions make you uncomfortable. If he doesn't get crazy, then maybe it's time to rethink about how your first relationship is affecting your second and decide if you can live with his peculiar behavior.
I don't envy your position, good luck.
2007-08-22 08:39:12 · answer #2 · answered by Yankee Micmac 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I think you're not being paranoid, it's perfectly normal to feel this way after the bad experience you went through. And if this guy really cared for you, he'd take care of your feelings and wouldn't continue to be "the charmer" with his "friends" instead. He can't heal your wounds, but at least he can avoid reopening them...!!! If he cares enough, of course, which apparently he doesn't. I'd say this is not the right person for you, at least not the one you need in this very moment of your life..... you really have to find someone who will care enough not to do things that make you feel uneasy and distrust him. What a way of starting a relationship........ can you think of what things will be like after a few years of being together..!!?!? Run for the hills girl.......... you deserve better after what you've lived.
2007-08-22 08:35:56 · answer #3 · answered by Lprod 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't be okay with any of that. I too was married and he cheated and I didn't see it. I'm remarried and he respects my feelings and my insecurities. He wouldn't be comfortable with the situation you describe reversed so why should I? Like wise I think you need someone that cares about you and doesn't have constant temptation knocking at the door.
Good luck.
2007-08-22 08:24:13 · answer #4 · answered by girlnextdoor409 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This guy has such low self esteem, he need to be constantly stroked. My suggestion is you become one of his friends, chat with him, tease him and have lots of fun. But know that it is just a game with him. Above all do not have sex with him! In the mean time have your eye open for a real man that knows how to be a real partner, not just a playboy.
2007-08-22 08:24:15 · answer #5 · answered by lily 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's craziness. You SHOULD be fearful.
More to the point, you shouldn't have to put up with such behavior. You are believing you have a problem because of your last relationship. Really, this new guy isn't doing the right thing . . . .
2007-08-22 08:22:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you have a good reason to be fearful.. honey, i think this guy is lying to you... guys aren't just "friends" with other girls... I think you should think about what would be best for not only your mental health, but your kids also... Either try to seek marriage counseling, or consider separating from him... I am sorry
2007-08-22 08:23:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think i would pass this time also sounds abit bad. and hes taking advanctabe of it. i have known to have friends for girls but his is too far fetched.
2007-08-25 17:26:03 · answer #8 · answered by Tsunami 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, leave him.
He sounds like he is cheating.
Even if he is not - if he loved you, he would forget about them.
2007-08-22 08:24:14 · answer #9 · answered by CC 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Same fish attract same fishermen .... Wake up... you are a good person !! don't define good as naive !!!!
2007-08-22 08:24:10 · answer #10 · answered by Sweet Dragon 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋