Filling this huge hole of emptiness.....?

Question

Ok. Here's a summary of how I got this huge hole. When I was little I watched my adopted brother beat and try to stab my mom way too many times. My adopted sister was a runaway. I was the only of the 3 actually born to my parents. Eventually they kicked my bro out cuz he refused to take his meds. My sis eventually just moved out and lived w/ boyfriends cuz she was sick of being at home (our bro raped her a lot). Then my mom died 5 yrs ago. 2 yrs ago (my sis was 7 months pregnant) my sis was killed in a car accident. My dad is an emotionless robot since my mom died. I have no one. I love my friends, but they can't fill the hole I have. I'm a food addict and already know I will be a sex addict as soon as I lose my virginity. I'm 15. Also I'm overweight and not the prettiest thing in the world so no guys want me to top it all off. How do I fill this hole I have and just...make it all stop?

Yeah...I know I need a therapist. But I also know my dad well enough to know that he wants to be perfectly normal and pretend nothing ever happened...and his vision of 'normal' doesn't inclue a therapist so he wouldn't stand for me seeing one, even though it was my mom's dying wish and he knows it.

ok...and its a tiny town. the school psychologist is...well, my best friend's mom. talk to her about personal stuff? i think not.

plz dont feed me stuff about god. my dad is a minister. ive had religion (literally) shoved down my throat for 15 yrs. church every sunday, every wednesday. so about god...i dont know if i even believe it because its all ive ever been shown. so plz, anything about god in this isnt going to help me. period.

Answer 1

Honey, PLEASE see a counselor. No one should have to deal with these issues on their own (and Y!A is not a substitute for professional help.) I wish you the best.

Answer 2

For most, your story may sound like an exaggerated form of quite a dysfunctional upbringing.

If it is all true, there's only ONE who can "fill the hole" in your heart. And that is God.

But BEFORE YOU RUN AWAY from such a statement, know this: there are many many many many more like you, who have tried to fill the hole of emptiness, only to find it empty again, later.

Find a youth organization in your area, if possible. I just bought a "Casting Crowns" CD/DVD (awesome music, you would love, and it speaks the truth about those like you...) and it talks about an organization called Global Youth Ministries.

You must love yourself first, before others find you attractive.
Sounds cruel, what people do to one another. But I'm finally loving myself for who I am. And it took God to fill that empty spot within me.

God bless you and Good luck. May you find some youth groups in your area, to help you re-gain your self-esteem... and BEFORE you lose any more of it.

YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN YOU KNOW, to God.

Answer 3

talk to a counselor. You have WAY to much to deal with to address online.. you need one on one interaction with someone who knows what they are doing. Talk to your school councilor... that is a start.

Edit: Don't take it personal, but screw your dad, it's your life, not his.

The lady is a professional and will do loads of help for you.. no matter her past with your mom.

You sound like you are looking for excuses now.. that to me says "I'm looking for attention" which means you need even more help than you are displaying.. please go see a professional.

And finally, are you for real? Not trying to downplay your situation.. but it has "convenient plot twists".. and those usually just come in a story. if you are telling the truth than it is very important that you seek help... if you are fibbing... well it's probably still important you seek help.

Answer 4

I am very sorry for your losses! It sounds to me like you need to talk. I suggest a therapist. Dont be afraid to let it out! Talking to God also helps me a lot! Hope you feel better!

Answer 5

No marvel think ofyou've have been given no longer gotten over him he's commonplace as you each and every and each month and reported you what you desire to hearken to. do no longer enable him back he's going to cheat on you as quickly as extra. decrease touch with him all mutually and the hollow will decrease and heal.

Answer 6

Just remember...people do care...i dont think the hole will ever be full...but just remeber that some guy is out there, waiting to be your plaster.

Answer 7

at 15 your young for such an awful lot of bad things to happen and to be able to deal with them all by yourself

you have to talk to someone, a professional not just a friend

this is not just about having a hole, we all have a hole inside us, the sheer emptiness of life gone wrong, people you love leaving, death of loved ones
its nothing to do with how pretty you are either, we dont all look like cindy crawford and britney spears in reality, and neither do they.

you need serious help

you need to take control of yourself,
if you know youll become a sex addict then get help now, dont go ahead and do it and worry about it later, its harder to stop something than it is to deal with the problem before it makes your life worse

food is a comfort, i myself find comfort in food, but i also know when to stop, control is very important
and im afraid as a teenager you are going to be trying to gain control early on in your life, most adults dont have control of certain things in their lives nor control of themselves so its going to be difficult

you know yourself, suffering in life wont stop the way you want it to, bad things will happen, they will always happen,
granted you have had a hell of a lot of them for such a young age, but life is made up of them as much as it is anything and you have to learn deal with the problems you can act on and accept that at the same time there will be things that happen in life that you will NEVER have control over, ie what other people do, what happens to other people and all you can do sometimes is watch.

the thing you MUST look towards treating and dealing with, towards helping and fixing, how you cope, how you deal with them what they do to you and stopping the damage now before it gets worse
you look towards dealing with the self confidence issues you have,
you may even need medication too as well as psychological help
you need to see a doctor/psychologist/psychotherapist, anyone, but you have to do that or things will not get better, this is not something you can fix only by yourself nor with a quick fix

i know it seems desperate just now but if you can start to look towards positive action and not towards simply going along with whats happening to you you will have hope of feeling better and stopping how you feel now.

dont give up thats for sure, you have the strength to help yourself i know that as you had the strength to tell us here whats happened to you and your family and ask for help and advice

please see a doctor., go to a professional online site, email a professional there will always be someone who can help you
your therapist is not allowed to tell anyone what you say as far as i know, its illegal unless you tell them to say it, and if they do then you should look into legal advice at some point, but if you still dont want the hassle of someone you know then all i can say is you have to look elsewhere, hence online etc

i get that religion wont help you, its just not for some people and i feel sorry for you that you have had that forced on you instead of proper help by your dad, but if he wont listen theres not much else you can do and you have to look after yourself now, not do what he or they or anyone else wants

i read your profile, you talk about having depression and how your trying to fix it,
you cant just get rid of depression, it needs medical attention and medication, its not a choice,
and its actually very common and nothing to be ashamed about.
you wont be able to think clearly and deal properly with your problems until you deal with having depression, obviously i mean medication.

Answer 8

Be like me also 15 i just stayed depressed.

Answer 9

you need serious help...get a councilor and start there....i wish you the best of luck...it is going to take some time.

Answer 10

LET GO AND LET GOD!