Soon after we got married, my husband began losing interest in sex and intimacy, to the point where he got used to just holding hands and quick kisses. Now 2 years later, I feel I live with a roommate, sharing bills and household chores. He has no interest in being intimate and I feel like he's not attracted to me anymore. I know I haven't changed -- I still brush my teeth, gone back to the weight pre-pregnancy, which is slim...For the many times I felt rejected, just a touch and him pushing me away, I stopped trying, and feel that we have lost the spark. He needs to be reminded of how I feel, goes fine for a week, then he retreats to himself. He's nice all other ways, helping in the house, rubbing my feet, but that's it. I don't understand it. Any ideas? We started seeing a counselor but I'm angry at this point that he can't provide the basic needs of even a boyfriend. I'm thinking we're heading towards a divorce.
2007-08-22 07:40:32 · 12 answers · asked by Alyse 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Is it normal for a guy to act this way?
2007-08-22 07:46:44 · update #1
He keeps telling me I'm the only he loves, and there's no one else.
2007-08-22 07:48:46 · update #2
You are as long as you are this angry. A couple of things to explore. You mentioned a baby. Did you get married because you were pregnant? Or did you have a baby immediately and didn't have a chance to grow your relationship?
Another thing that comes to mind is how stressful it is to be a new couple, new parents, and and the efforts to keep all that up. Does he work a stressful job? Is it possible that he's simply tired? Do you work a stressful job? Could you also simply be exhausted? Most young couples are, and don't stop to take the time to actually get some much needed rest and connect with each other. It doesn't sound like he doesn't want to be around you.
Is he afraid of you getting pregnant again? Did you do it on purpose or did it not turn out like he thought it would? Fear will kill a sex life.
Also, is he heterosexual? Gay men have relationships and even get married and have kids to avoid the truth, or they simply don't realize. It doesn't sound like he is looking at other women, so this might also be something to explore.
Frankly I think you sound completely stressed and exhausted and you need to find a way to send the baby to grandma's for the weekend and simply spend it without phone calls, tv or anyone else. Takes some naps, take baths together, talk, sleep, drink, eat something good, then sleep again. Don't fight, if you can't talk about your relationship without being hateful then talk about everything else(not the child).
Good luck to you.
2007-08-22 07:52:28 · answer #1 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not about you. It's about him. Your looks have nothing to do with it. Remind your husband that you married him for life.
He needs a complete medical check up. He needs to tell his doctor what's on his mind and what other problems he may be having. The doctor will keep this information confidential from you unless your husband wants to share it with you. Knowing this may help him reveal his personal problems with the doctor. Many of these situations have a medical basis and his doctor can help. If his doctor doesn't find any medical causes, ask the doctor what you're next step should be.
In the meantime, remind your husband that you are supporting him just as he would support you if you had breast cancer or some other health problem. Buy a book about making the marriage work. You, as the wife, should find someone you can be in counseling with, whether it's your pastor or a psychologist or a trained therapist.
The bottom line is that you and your husband need to be a team and work together so that you can, eventually, have the marriage you both thought you'd have.
2007-08-22 07:53:12 · answer #2 · answered by Angela S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK sweetie - your in a very typical RUT - not headed for divorce - the stresses of everyday life are at play here & the counseling will definatley help you both with that - provided you are BOTH participating! Secondly - if your husband was in the delivery room with you - this happens to ALOT of men! Men are visual creatures by nature - it's unaviodable & something he saw in that monumental time of your lives together made him uncomfortable with that part of your body - any other womans body as well - know this for certain.
Your getting counseling and that is going to help you both to talk out what your truest feelings are - what you have to do with a man is while being honest - be aware of him and his feelings - do not accuse, judge or demoralize in any way.
He's told you he loves you - BELIEVE him for cryin out loud - he's showing you in his own ways & those that he feels comfortable with that he loves you - take it for what it is & be appreciative.
Take your time in creating intamacy & switch from the hammer on the nail gotta have it wham bam - to a more romantic and inviting level of sexuality. It would be a perfect place during counseling to discuss what still turns him on & then incorporate that into your lifestyle.
2007-08-22 07:59:03 · answer #3 · answered by martiek7 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest not giving up. Do not even think of throwing in the towel just yet. I have been with my girlfriend for almost 9 years and she has never stopped pursuing me. She has a higher sex drive than I do. Do not let the rejections stop you and keep up the counseling. What does he say when you confront him about the problems you guys are facing?
2007-08-22 07:53:31 · answer #4 · answered by mastermind delinquent 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can not offer any suggestions as anything could be making him act this way and it may not even be bad. It maybe he feels insecure about something he's going through and won't talk about it. Im glad that you know that it's not you. And yes, if you are feeling rejected it can definitely lead to divorce especially if counseling is not working. I hope it doesn't resolve to that...Good Luck.
2007-08-22 07:59:36 · answer #5 · answered by Caramel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if a guy all of sudden loses interest in you sexually, can sometimes means he's cheating. Unless your body has changed and you can't sexually satisfy him anymore, thats the only other reason. If he's not cheating, he most likely just lost interest. This happens all the time. Sorry your going through this. Good luck.
2007-08-22 07:51:05 · answer #6 · answered by Tanisha M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you need a man who will not only rub your feet but treat you like a woman should be and a whole lot more. If he isn't providing love and attention anymore then you should be less worried about your relationship and more worried for your emotional well-being.
Find someone who will love you everyday, not just a week at a time.
2007-08-22 07:49:49 · answer #7 · answered by Oops, did I say that? 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I hate to say this, but do you think there could be another woman? I only ask because the same situation happened with me- my husband became very withdrawn in the intimacy area and I thought for the longest time he wasnt attracted to me but it turns out he was sleeping with another woman and felt too guilty to be intimate with me. I hope for your sake this isnt the case. Keep up the counseling.
Good luck.
2007-08-22 07:45:50 · answer #8 · answered by chrissybklyn 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hey instead of a counselor(yuck) how about a doctor! he might have a related health issue or depression.
Medical care then get sweaty about hiring lawyers.
Old Guy
2007-08-22 07:50:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think too many people want to get a divorce when things don't their way. Marriage is bond between the couple and GOD. Talk to your husband like you are expressing it to us
2007-08-22 07:54:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋