i hate he does this and the kids from her are very difficult and very bratty as they are not raised with structure and he let s them be brats , i cant stand seeing or having them in our home. what do i do. why doesnt he try to bond with my kids?
2007-08-22 07:05:20 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Because you told him your kids have a father. Because you are very possessive of your kids and you let him know his thoughts, ideas, and inputs are not welcome. You make it very clear that, where it concerns your kids, he is outsider.
You have made it very clear that your children are perfect little angels and he better not dare criticize their actions or suggest that they are being unruly.
Under your extreme conditions, how could he bond with your kids? The other woman allowed him to be a stepfather, so he bonded with her kids. Men don't change. However, the mothers are different. She welcomed his input and didn't make him feel like he is an outside. Unless you change and stop being controlling and possessive, he will not bond your kids.
2007-08-22 08:53:15 · answer #1 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You probably don't want to hear this, but I think that it's good that he hasn't dumped the ex's kids. I mean, they are kids. He acted as a father to them for how long? It sounds like they don't have much stability and he recongnizes that they need him in their lives.
Your man may resent your attitude toward the ex's kids and, therefore, is trying to overcompensate with them. Your opinion of the kids may be more apparent than you think---especially if you are doing it in front of the kids. Try to relax and he'll come around.
Or, maybe, he is afraid to bond with your kids because he doesn't want to get too close to them in case you two split up. Based upon what you say, you don't think that he should be seeing his ex's kids and he probably thinks that you would think that he shouldn't see your kids, if the two of you split up. It would be easier on them if he didn't bond with them if that's the case. Also, you don't say how long the two of you have been together or how stable your relationship is--that could also be a factor in him not bonding with your kids.
Talk to him, but don't call the ex's kids' brats because he will shut down and not listen to anything you have to say. You might tell him that when they are in your home, you expect them to follow the rules the same as your kids.
2007-08-23 15:56:45 · answer #2 · answered by Susan D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Realize that a lot of men who do not have kids will bond with those who need him as a father figure....evidently, your kids are well adjusted and do not 'need' him the way those unfortunate kids do who are growing with no structure. Why, Because he feels sorry for them in the long run, in the short run, he longs to be responsible for their 'changing' to be well adjusted adults. Really, he may help a bit; but it is unfair to ask you to do the same when you have kids of your own to raise. Confront him as to why he keeps the relationship going and why not with your kids...and see if he does not agree...YOUR KIDS DON'T NEED HIM.
2007-08-22 07:29:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not sure but it sounds like he has never actually been held accountable for his actions and since women keep letting him in for the free ride, why should he.
You are simply his g/f. Why would you think he would care about your kids?
2007-08-22 07:18:03 · answer #4 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be the boss, make the family plan to go out with him and your kids only
2007-08-22 07:11:09 · answer #5 · answered by ken401lam 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is not interested in you or them. Dump this jerk.
2007-08-22 07:15:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him how you feel....
2007-08-22 07:10:45 · answer #7 · answered by *AntA mAriA* 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋