My husband and I were going to church, looking at adopting my nephew, and then BOOM! The floor fell out from underneath me. He totally became a different person. He decided one day he didn't want to be with me any longer. I came home from work and he just came out and said he thought we'd be better off apart. Okay, so I left. You'd think that would be it, eh? He didn't just want to separate and take time off as he said at first, he decided to go a step further and try to ruin me as a person. He has been going around telling all kinds of lies about me. Saying I wouldn't let him talk to his family and that I was manipulative. ??? He was the KING of manipulation. As far as his family was concerned, he didn't have a relationship with them when I met him. Says him anyhow. I tried to push him to talk to his mother. So now I'm not only dealing with a separation, but a husband who is walking around trying to make himself look good by lying on me. What is going on here?
2007-08-22 06:51:53 · 18 answers · asked by Leaving on a jetplane 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In addition to the above, I'm in the process of adopting my nephew, by myself. PLUS I get the added bonus of having a hysterectomy. PLUS my dad may have throat cancer. My husband left me when I needed him the most. If you were to ask him he'd tell you he was miserable for the 1 1/2 we were married. He has used my past against me on numerous occasions. I was abused by my mother and he loves to throw that out there to make me look unstable. ??? What to do?
2007-08-22 06:54:48 · update #1
Well, I wanted to work out our problems and possibly seek counseling. He didn't want to do that when I had suggested it. He said "we haven't been separated long enough to start talking about a reconciliation". About a couple weeks later he tells me he's willing to go, once I discovered all the lies he'd been spreading about me. I'm at the point now that I think I'm better off alone than to be with him. I don't think he ever really loved me if he could be that cut and dry with me.
2007-08-22 07:00:43 · update #2
SInce this is certainly heading towards divorce and his behavior could venture into the "harrassment" category. Keep records of what he says or what and who he says things to. If possible, find tangible proof to refute his statements.
During the divorce, bring up his behavior. It could help lean some justice your way.
As to why he's doing it, there could be any number of reasons but at least he started showing his true colors before your nephew was in the picture full time.
2007-08-22 07:00:32 · answer #1 · answered by teel2624 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell everyone he is mad because you found out he is a cross-dresser!! lol
But seriously if he keeps this up you can take him to court for slander. He can not talk about you and inerfer in any way with you way of living, Like say if some of the stuff he said could keep you from adopting your nephew or even slowing down the proceedings you can take legal action. And i strongly suggest you do this ASAP
2007-08-22 14:04:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Holly crap... If I were you I'd skip town. After the adoption of course. Because as long as your around for him to mess with he will. Just get away. Its a good thing ya'll are no longer. He sounds like an awful person!!!
Just get away from him and go to family or friends for support. If it keeps up and he won't leave you alone you could get a restraining order.
You deserve much better. No matter how bad your past or present is, no one needs to go through everything you are!
Also, you could talk to somebody like a therapist. It sounds bad, but I'm sure it'll help.
2007-08-22 14:02:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep you head up. Those who know you best will not believe the crap he is spreading. It seams to me there is no working this out and maybe you should file for divorce.
You can not control the things your mother did to you. You will just have to do the best you can to get through it. You may want to double check that you are adopting your nephew alone. Since he is still legally your husband, you wouldn't want anything to go awry.
2007-08-22 13:56:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am sorry but you dont need this "husband" of yourse. the quote i used for that husband is because that is his title but that is not what he is to you. a real husband wouldnt do such things. one thing though, dont take it personal. he sounds like he has issues so let him deal with it. if he wants, and if you want to give him another chance i'd suggest you see marriage counselor, otherwise sorry lady but you are so much better off alone than with someone who constantly puts you down, and lies to you and about you. you deserve better, and you need to get it..if not from your "husband" then from someone else who is a real man. good luck to you and i am sorry that you are going thourhg a lot right now. it will pass though. keep your head up.
peace
2007-08-22 14:01:48 · answer #5 · answered by mama2be 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't stoop to his level. Most people are smart, they can figure out when people are being genuine and when they're being jerks.
And whoever doesn't see you both for who you really are, well, they shouldn't be a part of your life anyway.
You're better off. Get a divorce as quickly as possible - put an end to this
2007-08-22 14:02:27 · answer #6 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look the truth is going to come out. Yes, I would be fuming if he was making up lies about me, but just stay calm and let him make a fool of himself.
2007-08-22 14:00:08 · answer #7 · answered by *AntA mAriA* 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he knows he should not leave you, but, since he is immature and can't handle the adult life, he has decided to act like a child who can't have his way all the time... let him rant and rave...throw his tantrum, anyone who is a real person won't believe him, and those that do, stay away from them... good luck to you girlie, find a good man, and things will be ok =) he is trying to make you look bad so he looks good... my guess is he has another lady somewhere you don't know about yet =(...
2007-08-22 13:59:49 · answer #8 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
very wrong here.
both need to seek help from counselling immediately IF both of you still want the relationship.
try not look at things 1/99, look at the 99 not the 1.
no anger, no revenge, they hurt further.
quiet down, ask yourself - what do you want here. follow your heart and move accordingly.
2007-08-22 13:58:21 · answer #9 · answered by lost man 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be happy your getting out of the situation. Maybe you should be proactive and file divorce papers on him. Go find someone who makes you happy, and is a better person.
2007-08-22 13:56:52 · answer #10 · answered by Qyllix 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋