What is it with you guys and porn? I don't let my husband watch it, but I once caught him with one and told him if it happened again, it would be the end of our marriage. It makes me feel like I'm not enough, Is that what it is? Help me understand.
2007-08-22 06:39:55 · 43 answers · asked by sassy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thats the common misconception. A woman takes a guy watching porn to mean that shes not good enough and he has to turn to porn to see the women he really wants to be with. Thats usually not the case. It probably just means that you don't have sex as much as he would like. Women should be happy that the guy is just watching porn rather than out trying to cheat on her. There are a lot of guys that go out and try to get it somewhere else if they aren't getting it at home. Don't take porn as a threat to you.
2007-08-22 06:44:43 · answer #1 · answered by JohnB 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You "don't let" your husband watch porn. Hmmmm that could be an issue right there. He is an adult and has the right to choose whether he watches porn or not.
I don't know your bedroom qualifications (and I don't want to know) BUT for most guys, watching porn has basically nothing to do with the wife being enough - men by nature, are more visual and like watching. I read a survey sometime a while back that said the average man thinks about sex every 7 minutes (or something like that).
I know I prefer having my husband home watching porn than actually out cheating on me. - your choice!
2007-08-22 06:49:15 · answer #2 · answered by wild_orchid_tx36 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
To Be Honest Every Guy In The World Think About Porn And Sex 24 Hours A Day That Means Forever.....Sometime We Guys Cant Control Ourselves And We Forgot That We Even Have A Wife......But If You Go Smooth On him And Try To Understand Him More then He'll Tell You With More Honesty How He Feels Or What He Wants In That Particular Momment...
2007-08-22 06:47:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Guys are visual beings. We enjoy looking. Heck, my Dad is 84, and dying of cancer. He isn't physically able to have sex- but he still enjoys looking. And, I'm almost certain he never cheated during his 59 year marriage. I also like to look at women. But, I've NEVER cheated. I've been married twice. Once for 18 years, and 15 years so far with my new wife. Just looking at porn may not be a big deal. But, when it becomes back and forth chat, or leads to web cams or meetings- even on the phone- it isn't porn, it's cheating.
2007-08-22 08:09:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow.. what is most telling about this post:
"I don't let my husband watch it...."
and....
"...I once caught him with one and told him if it happened again, it would be the end of our marriage."
First of all if you feel you have to control your husband to the extent that you tell him what he is and isn't allowed to do.. welll.. girl.. your marriage is already over. You are now in a mother/child relationship and no longer a man/wife relationship.
both partners in a relationship should be free to partake in any activity they choose as long as it isn't against the law.
Now.. YOU may not like porn.. but he does. what you need to decide now is if his looking at porn is a deal breaker for the marriage.. because guess what.. he will ALWAYS look.. he's male.. its what they do!
If you can't understand and accept that while he may enjoy looking at others that you are the only one he is having sex with (well besides himself)... then again... you need to end the marriage.. because now.. besides the mother/child relationship thing going on you have trust issues.. you don't trust that he is just looking and not touching (others not himself).
In the end.. i hold no hope for this marriage.. its already over.. just make it final and get a divorce.. you will be happy because you won't have to tell anyone what they can and cant do. and he will be happy because he will now be rid of a cranky, controling, nagging wife.
2007-08-22 06:55:12 · answer #5 · answered by .... 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
That's usually not what it is at all. Sometimes there is no way for some people to understand certain things that seem like a part of evolution more than anything else. But I think women confuse guys looking at other things as them not being enough because that would be why the women look at porn in many cases. For guys, it's often just a novelty.
2007-08-22 06:48:33 · answer #6 · answered by TCSO 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Porn can be a problem, and if you think it's disrespectful of you, you are entitled to your feelings. You have taken a lot of heat over your choice of words describing your relationship with your husband. I suggest you work on the larger relationship issues. Porn is only one item on the agenda, or a symptom of a relationship that isn't what it could be.
2007-08-22 07:03:20 · answer #7 · answered by Jack07 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It may or may not have anything to do with your fulfilling his needs or being good enough. My guess is most likely it does not have to do with you being enough. Guys think that the female body is beautiful. It is a big temptation for most guys. Afterall, that is one of the reasons guys and girls get together. When they look at porn it is a similar reaction to taking a drug. They get a feeling of a high or a rush. If done frequently, it can become an addiction. The problem is what constant and sustained use of porn will do to a guy. They become more withdrawn. They get angry. They detach themselves from their family. They become secretive with their addiction. Finally, their sense of values decreases and they may begin to seek out other women threatening the stability of the family. Your reaction to him was probably one that will cause him to conceal the use if he is beyond overcoming the addiction. I would recommend seeking a counselor to better understand the addiction process with pornography. It is better to work with him to open up to you and be honest and know you are there for him then threatening to leave. It is more prevalent in our society than most people understand. Pornography is an addiction that may be overcome. Many people have done it.
2007-08-22 06:56:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I'm a girl but I have to chime in.
Wouldn't you rather he watch it at home then go to a strip club? Men are visual and like to watch that stuff to get them off. It's really not a big deal. Would you be open to do some of the stuff in the videos? If not then that's a main reason he watches it. Try being more open with him and engage him in some of his fantasies and he won't be as tempted to watch it. To threaten to end a marriage over it is ridiculous. I'd leave you just for taking our relationship so lightly. You need to deal with your insecurities.
2007-08-22 06:48:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
This is easy. Porn is fun. Its a fantasy. Our brains are wired to enjoy watching people have sex.
My personal theory is that it goes back to the cave man days...If you looked over and saw one of your cave-mate buddies getting with it with some hot cave-woman, that would make you want to get with it with some hottie cave-woman too, therefore "keeping up" reproductively with your cave-mate bud.
So, watching porn is like that. It stimulates some deep part of our brains that triggers a sexual competition reflex. That's the turn on.
As for you, frankly, your marriage is already over. Any person who feels they have the right to tell another adult what they can or can not read or watch is no spouse.
But you hit the nail on the head with your comment that it "makes me feel like I'm not enough". You have to understand that that reaction is entirely within your own mind. It has nothing to do with your husband or with porn. It has to do with your own feelings of shame or insecurity.
You need to spend some time working out those issues. That's where your emphasis should be. Your husband could stop watching porn tomorrow but the issues would still be there. Focus on that.
2007-08-22 06:42:09 · answer #10 · answered by AngiesHusband 5 · 2⤊ 3⤋