is it ok to look at other women?

Question

My husband is a lovely man and we have been married for 8 years with 4 children. I am 10 years younger than him and have always kept myself fit and looking good for him. He treats me very well, is attentive and tells me I am beautiful. The problem is I am very paranoid about him looking at other women. He knows that I hate porn and has promised me that he won't look at it and that he is not interested in it now. This is fine but whenever he has to go away on business which is about 3 times a year I get really paranoid that he watches movies in his hotel room. Every time I ask him he says he doesn't, but I just can't help but wonder. He rings twice a day to speak to me and tells me he loves me but I just can't stop thinking about what he is doing while he is alone. What if he wants to look at other women or read magazines. We have a wonderful life but these concerns just spoil it. He says I have to chill out and that he loves me but I hate that he could look at other women like this

Answer 1

This is a problem you have with yourself, not your husband. You say, "What if he wants to look at other women or read magazines?" Yes, what if he does? It doesn't mean he is less attracted to you. He knows you as a whole person, not just a two dimensional person in a magazine or a stranger on the street. That means to him their is no competition. He isn't looking to replace you and he knows he never could. It sounds like he treats you like a man very much in love with his wife. You, on the other hand, are punishing him for your insecurities and one day it is going to turn around and bite you. You need to work on whatever it is that makes you feel you are threatened by "what ifs". Call a good therapist or seek counseling. You can get past this by learning to control your own thoughts and behavior, not by trying to control your husband's. Good luck!!!

Answer 2

don't worry he loves you, but maybe you are alittle paranoid or please do not take this the wrong way but do you look at other guys in a manner that may be wrong ? if you do then Maybe that is where you are channeling all this from. I do know how scary this is for you, when he is with you, you are wondering if he is thinking about you OR someone he seen on TV, mag. walking down the street or whatever - he is more likely seeing you, that is all. But is that what you have done, and you think that if you are capable then so is he. IT IS OK, no joke, I do get it. My hubby doesn't like that stuff either he was raised that Smut is smut and sluts are sluts , that is that. But seeing how I have eyes, he has eyes and we are all human, no matter what we believe we look. Here is the TEST to see what he thinks - In front of YOU :
1. send the kids to a friends .
2. rent a dirty movie with girls - you know what he likes
3. get him in shorts that you can see well
4. relax , pop the movie in and watch his reaction.
5 But be very interested as well to show him that this is your idea.
6. you'll know by the end of the Movie what to do (not meaning just sex, either)
7. ONLY do this as a last resort and if you have a really great marriage and communicate to the fullest , open your mind

Answer 3

You've been married 8 years. You claim he's great and that you are secure in your own looks. Why do you worry about this? Is there anything that gives you reason to worry that this is the case? Or is it just the normal worry one gets when someone is away from you?

I don't agree with people telling you that you are lucky and all that, because none of us know you or your husband.

However, from what you've given us, unless you have a real reason to worry (you've caught him in the past with porn, or you've heard his friends kid him about it or whatever) you really should just trust him.

Porn is a big deal, and it ticks me off to see so many people act like it's not. It takes away from the marital relationship a lot more than people think it does. Regardless, your husband knows how you feel about it and you need to trust that he cares enough for you to respect that and to respect your wishes.

Answer 4

I worry when my husband goes on business trips too, but I worry more that he could have a woman in his hotel room--porn doesn't worry me as much. He doesn't watch/look at porn at home & I doubt he would while away for work, but if he does at least he's taking care of his needs while he's away without involving another woman. I know I'm very insecure and have a low self esteem, but that's an issue I'm working on & feeling better about. Try not to let your insecurities ruin a good thing! Sounds like you have a wonderful relationship & it would be horrible to let it get ruined by your suspicions! Try to relax & be thankful for what you have.

Answer 5

I want to say you could drive yourself crazy and actually run him into the fear you have been fretting. Do you find yourself admiring other men. Don't you "look"???? It's human nature to do so.... it's the step toward touching or acting on the impulse that creates the problems. There's a guy on 4400, oh my God he is so good looking. I thank God I am a woman when I see a good looking man like that. But that said I love my man. Denzel Washington, Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, and um mm this MD that works with me from time to time. They are all good looking honeys but I would never disrespect my guy to be with any of them.
You have to find peace, and know that you can trust him . He's gonna look. It's a fact.... I mean the whole enterprise of advertising is based on it. I f they're selling a car... attractive woman in seductive attire. If they're selling a truck, The woman has on tight jeans and she is fit..... "built Ford tough" don't fear him looking it will only make you depressed and fearful and unable enjoy you life, it sounds like you have a really great marriage and husband. Only you know if there is more than you are stating.~~~~ God Speed

Answer 6

Ooooh! Major insecurity and jealousy issue. Not good.

Let me clue you in on a secret. Guys love visual variety. They on the most basic genetic gut level cannot help it. Looking at ONE body even the most beloved body becomes boring after a while and unappealing. Porn is at least one of the least damaging ways of handling this, certainly preferable to your husband having an affair. So who do you think your husband will go to once he recharges his sexual batteries? 3D+love will ALWAYS beat 2D, hands down. Furthermore we are not even talking about porn here, we are talking about women walking on the street! How the hell do you propose to keep your husband in a bubble like this?

Sounds to me like you have a wonderful husband. If he didn't love you he wouldn't have married you and let me tell you, I'd probably gladly DIE for my future wife, but I wouldn't give up porn and neither would most guys.

Answer 7

sweety you do need to chill out! let him look it's okay to look be grateful that he don't put him self in a suituation that he could cheat on you!
There is nothing wrong with looking!
not everone who looks at someone is thinking dirty thoughts!
but i feel you do there for it shows your insucruitys and sweety that isn't good! I'm so sorry but you need to look at yourself and fix your jelousy and insururiites even more so when it is effecting yoru house hold! let some things go if you know he loves you (10 eyars 4 kids ) it would be a long front if he didn't..

here this site may help you!
www.coping.org

Answer 8

sounds like you have some trust issues. Has he ever done anything to make you distrust him? If not then you need to see a counselor about this.

but I will tell you. ALL men look at women.. every day they do... every single day. that doesn't mean they cheat with them, but they do look. And as far as porn. EVERY man that has access to the internet has and does look at porn. Every man that has access to a magazine stand has and will look at porn. Men are visual creatures... they need to look at things to make them feel better.

finally.. if you don't want him looking at other women who are nakid.. then take some pics of yourself and give them to him so he has his own private collection!

But whatever you do... quit harrassing the poor man or divorce him!

Answer 9

if he says he's not and he is treating you well, why not enjoy your time with him? besides, even if he were to view porn when on a business trip, that is certainly preferable to him going out somewhere. and, no, i don't think it's the end of the world if he does do that. plenty of people like to look at porn. it certainly does not mean that they desire you less. better not to ask anymore- esp since he has already answered that question so many times. you have a great relationship it sounds like. ENJOY IT!

Answer 10

You are married and your husband is not dead!! Of course he is going to look at other women...what is he suppose to do? Wear blinders like a horse? He is looking and not cheating. You need to deal with your insecurities and stop worrying about what he is doing when you are not together or you will drive him away. If there is no proof of him doing anything then why dwell on it? He has told you that he doesn't watch porn. What has he done to you for you to have so little trust in him?