How do I avoid getting screwed in a divorce that I never wanted.?

Question

My wife commited adultry but because Im the father and she is the mother and because she is not a abusive or drug addtict mother. The courts in So. Cal looks down on me for custody issues because Im a man. How do I avoid from getting ripped off in my case. Keep in mind Im full Army active duty and she lives in CA and Im in Iraq right now.

Answer 1

have your attorney properly advise you

Answer 2

gee, I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this...

first, i'd like to thank you for protecting our country and for your bravery. i can't imagine what it's like to be so far from home, just dropped into a foreign place... and i'm sure you have worries about home, too.

i think that, you might have the option to put off the divorce until you get back home, hon? you shouldn't have to have something like a divorce looming over your head while you are over there.... you didn't say how much longer you have to stay overseas, but i'd make her put it off until you return home, especially since you have such worries and concerns about the child(ren), and the divorce in general....

i am not an expert on the law by any means, but do do think that you would not have to go through a divorce from the other side of the world, if you did not wish to do so.

just because you are a man, doesn't mean you are not a good parent! there are just as many wonderful fathers out there, too. if you should opt to wait to go through with the divorce until you get hime, then you could petition the courts for joint custody and visitation... work out some schedule where you would BOTH see the child(ren) on an about equal basis...? couples do this all of the time, and it takes some adjusting... see what works best for you?

you have the right to help raise your kids.. there are many different ways to set up visitation, and you can talk to your attorney about your options....

i wish you all the best... sending hugs.

Answer 3

I feel bad for you ! Im a military wife myself.......my husbands first wife couldnt hack it either ( ALOT of woman cant ) The two of them were only married 3 years ( we have been together 11 years at this point....all on active duty ) My husband got screwed because he didnt have a lawyer ( he actually believed it would be a "nice " divorce ) So first....GET AN ATTORNEY ( if logistics prevents it....have a family member help out ) Second.....make sure you file in the area near your base ( You will need a judge who understands military pay.....the judge in my husbands case couldnt read an LES if his life depended on it ) ) Also remember that the courts will try and do what I call " Magic Math " to get every penny they can from you ( My husbands divorce was in CA too ) As far as I know the laws have changed since his divorce and only your base pay can be assessed for support ( In my husbands case the judge assessed his base pay , clothing allowance, per diem, flight deck pay, etc......more than 60 % of his income ended up going to support !) I am SOOOO SORRY that you are having to go through this ! What a ***** ! Please get an ATTORNEY ! And make sure its a GOOD one ( dont try to save a buck....the expense is worth it ) And NEVER agree to sign anything that does not come DIRECTLY from YOUR LAWYER.....This is another trick that is used....( 3 years after the fact, my husband got a Lawyer for a re-evaluation.....documents were "accidentally " sent directly to my husband for signatures......the hope is that you will sign off on these inflated amounts and basically screw yourself ) I hope this helps a little :(

Answer 4

Oh babe, I'm sorry to hear that!
It's terrible.
Since you didn't want that divorce, is it too late to work things out with your wife?
Yes, she cheated on you, but could you look at the circumstances? is there any chance you could forgive her and the two of you give it another go?
I mean, I'm not saying that it's wrong in the circumstances to get a divorce, or stay married no matter what.
But, maybe things are not always so clearly cut.
And especially if you two still love each other?
Anyway, I don't have any idea on how you could make your case better, sorry.
I feel for you, since, in your already precarious situation you definitely didn't need that awful stress and heartbreak.
Hope things work out for you though.
Good luck.xxxx

Answer 5

hi there you might well not be screwed as you put it ,but whats with the ....when do i start ?? look mate this shouldnt when do i start ,that should always be there youre wife must look after you well as you love her so pull the finger out and start talking to her and what do you mean some a whiney little punk ......is this how you see romance and love look if you love youre wife that much id be doing the whole bit and it is going to have to be a regular thing and you will have no choice in this matter as the minute you stop she will know that you only did it because you had to and not because you wanted to .....trust me on this im female i know how we work btter than you will ever know , and im letting you into a few secrets about how we think so use it to youre advantage ,take care of youre wife and show her some romance and you will have a happy wife,and you never know you might like what you get back in return and it could be more than a kiss

Answer 6

First of all, thank you for your service! I'm very sorry to hear of your troubles. I will never understand anyone who cheats.

I'm a legal assistant and have worked in family law for 25+ years. You can not be penalized because you are in the service. There is a soldier's and sailor's act that protects your rights. You definitely need to seek advice from an attorney and request nothing less than joint custody of the children. You obviously can not bring your children to your duty station, so their mother will have primary physical custody until you return.

The courts do not "look down" on fathers anymore. They recognize that fathers are good parents too and are quite capable of loving and caring for their children.

Finally, you can always modify orders once you are back in the states.

God Bless you and keep you safe!

Answer 7

You will not be able to get custody being a active overseas soilder. But you can ask for liberal visitations rights and ask the judge to set a date to re-examine custody when you have been brought home again. Secondly you are entitled to lawyers from Jag. Go talk to them and they can help you tremendously.Your situation happens all too often. They are experienced at resolving the issues like this.
You did a service for our country and got screwed. The judge will look and see what is in front of his face. Dont fight having a temporary custody order set in place just ask that it only be temporary and that you are allowed to see your child whenever you are on leave or by telephone and email or webcam for that matter. Ask the judge to consider the reasons for the divorce and keep in mind that you wanted to keep trying. He will do the right thing.

Answer 8

The duration of the marriage will depend what rights you have. If the marriage is under 10 years, you will be required to pay child support but I do not see you having to pay any alimony. As bad as I feel for you circumstances, right now it is best to view what is in your child's best interest. Also, try not to come to any final decision on this before seeking help from a divorce attorney. You might discover you have more rights than you think you have, if not, you need to know what you will be facing. Best of luck to you and God Bless you!

Answer 9

Thank you for serving our country!
Get you a good lawyer with a good reputation in handling contested divorces w/ children involved AND NEVER sign anything until you have read every word & agree to what it is saying!!!
Good Luck!!

Answer 10

Talk to your superior about getting a good lawyer. The army has great resources for these situations, and great advisors. Send someone (legally authorized) to your house immadiately to do an inventory of all property. Get your bank to freeze your account and hold all funds until you get home.
Best of luck, and I am very sorry to hear.
And thank you for your sacrifices.

Answer 11

I would have your attorney ask for shared custody so you can have them with you when your tour is over. They do shared custody often now. Sorry you are going through this while you are over in Iraq!!! Try not to worry, it will all work out and you can finish up the details when you get back! Thank you for your service and hope you get home safe!!!