What would you do?

Question

If you asked your significant other to not communicate with their EX, who they cheated on their ex-married partner with, and then dated them. Later on she dumped him (about 8 months ago). And who still has communication with him periodically, unknown to me, and who says she is still friends with, but says that he took advantage of her and ruined her life (sounds contridictive). Asked her to leave her past in the past and she agreed and said she wouldn't. This past Thursday, she received a text from him (now she answers my phone and vice versa, supposedly nothing to hide from one another). I confronted her about it, and she said that it was from an old friend from school. The text from him said"just saying hi"...she replied "hey, just got your text, how are you?"...sounds innocent right?...i asked her to stop communicating because of their past and how it ruined one relationship before and bothered me. I know it was his #, but she lied to me about it. Is she hiding something?

Answer 1

The biggest issue here is that lack of trust in your relationship. My experience has been that if there is not trust in your partner, the partnership is doomed to fail. IMHO, it's not whether your significant other is hiding something that is important, it is whether she is willing to change her ways (which it appears she ISN'T), and whether you can live with it (which it appears you probably CAN'T).

My suggestion is try talking it out calmly and coming to a decision that you BOTH can live with -- and ABIDE with. That is, if she agrees to no longer have contact, then she MUST abide by that agreement. Likewise, if YOU agree to not be so untrusting, then YOU must abide by that.

Unfaithfulness, or distrust and paranoia can ruin relationships faster than anything else. And it sounds like your relationship has plenty of one or all of those.

Good luck ... I think you're going to need it.

Answer 2

sounds fishy
Maybe she still has feelings for his person. She might not know waht she want. You might have to be the one to help her make that decision before she continues cheating( that doesn't always mean physical contact but bing intimately close through conversation). You don't want to waste years of your life just to find out that she has had this person on the side all this time. I wonder how she would feel if she was in your situation. Perhaps you can somehow let her know how damaging this is to your relationship because your trust level is really going downhill

Answer 3

i am a female and i think you should sit her down and seriousli talk to her about it ...open up to her and tell her how its making you feel...be honest with her and she'll hopefully open up to you properly and seriousli.

if my significant other opened up to me as a female i would know that it was hard for him to come to me and open up to me about such a difficult situation...and i would repay him by talking to him and telling him exactly what is going on ...whether its friends jus keeping in touch...like u said u want her to keep the past in the past...maybe thats what shes doing..keeping the past in the past and she jus wants to be friends with him. but on the other hand i see why u think she's hiding something

so basicalli i just think u both need to sit down and talk...properly dont rush the conversation...take your time to get things off your chest...and let her do the same...but dont assume anything until you've spoken to her because she may become really hurt by it and close up.

so i think the remedy for this is to talk to one another...i really think that will sort it out...if your both honest with one another, also when your talking have an open body language so she knows she can tel u everything nad theres no tension...and no matter what let her know you'll be there for her and be calm, cool and collected when talking.

and hopefully the truth will be told

all the best and i hope this helped.

Answer 4

She may not be donin any thing with him now but i bet that will change.It is hard somethimes to let go of ones from your past, she may still feel for him-or not, but if you have asked her to let go of that relationship and now she lieing to you about it then she doesnt have respect for what you what from this relationship. If she lies about a phone call what eles may she be lieing about.This all may be innocent but keep your eyes open-it might not be

Answer 5

Definately she is hiding something, probably she is still sleeping with him. The sex must have been great for her to still be communicating with him after all that he has done to her in the past

Answer 6

If I understood you, she cheated before....and with this guy?
You have no reason to trust her based on her history.
Trying to control her text. msg. or phone calls will not solve this problem.
You have chosen to become involved with a person that has a history of cheating. It continues to be your choice... What do you expect...you know who she is.

Accept it or move on.

Answer 7

Take off that skirt of yours and move on. She is leading you around like a little b*tch and you ARE sounding like one. Dump the slvt already. This cr@p is not going to stop.

Answer 8

Yes she is hiding something, and it seems like this is taking a toll on you. Let her go there is someone for you out there that will treat you like you want to be treated. Enjoy your life!!

Answer 9

Yes! Her cheating ways, only she isn't very good at it. Kick her to the curb, she is not going to change...

Answer 10

RED FLAG!! dont get dragged under the train for her... she needs to get her feelings in order before you can be with her. i wouldnt want my partner to do what shes doing to you.