Should I be jealous or concerned?

Question

Hi,

My situation is this. My wife and I are quite happily married. She is a talented singer and wants to join a band or find a musician to practice and eventually play at local clubs. My concern is that my wife is an extremely attractive woman. I am not saying that because she is my wife but because it really is the case. Where ever she goes people compliment her on her beauty and her gentle demeanor. Being a man myself and knowing the attraction that people fel towards her, would I be an idiot to sit back and let her spend time with other adult men in the musical field? I worry that this could lead to an uncomfortable situation and in the worse case marital infidelity. I trust my wife but one can never be too sure of a situation until it avails itself. Should I be o.k. with this or should I say something to stop it. Men and women please reply.

Thanks.

Answer 1

From a personal point of view, I also was a singer and told I was attractive and great personality. Never once did I even think of being with someone else than my husband. If your wife loves you and is committed to your marriage, you have nothing to worry about.

I would join her as much as possible, so you could be involved in this part of her life; plus she will love the support you give her. Be proud of her and know she and you are lucky to have found someone. We don't know what the future holds; why worry about something that will probably never happen.

Answer 2

I am a singer and also married. First off, she is an individual is she not? How would you feel if she didn't support your dreams and aspirations? Is that not what marriage is all about? Just because she's attractive doesn't mean she isn't faithful and true. When you're attractive you really can't control other people's reactions to you. Think about how she deals with this daily. Does she turn men down that come on to her in an every situation? When you entertain people, something magical happens. If you are attractive as well, people are drawn to you like some weird magnet. You open yourself up on stage and people want to be a part of that. They think they know you. If she is a professional she will know exactly how to deal with that both in public and private. The other adult men she would be spending time with are her peers, not her conquests. You should trust her just as you would if she were a nurse or a real estate agent. Don't those women encounter men as well? Trust is your ability to handle what another person might do to you. I think if you hamper her in her career choice and passion, you more run the risk of her drifting away from you. Maybe then she would seek out another man who supports her as a person. If you stand behind her, support her, be her cheerleader, you will show her your capacity to love and trust. Being there to encourage her will do you more in the end then anything else. Put yourself in her shoes and ask this question. How would you want to be treated? Good luck :)

Answer 3

This is something your wife really wants to do, why would you try and stop her because your feeling insecure? If you trusted your wife, you wouldn't even think twice about letting her do this because you would know she would never do anything to hurt you..I suggest you sit down with her and let her know how you feel about the situation.
I'm like your wife, i get complimented everywhere i go but what my husband thinks about me is what matters most and the compliments i get from other people are of course flattering but don't mean much to me..
If you and your wife have a great marriage and your both happy then you have nothing to worry about!
Just talk to your wife.....

Answer 4

If you don't let her do what she wants she will resent you for it and that will cause problems. I understand where you are coming from and I can understand how you feel about the temptation. When our spouses want to "step out" from the normal routine and try something on their own , we all feel somewhat jealous and insecure. But if you have a great marriage and you trust her - then I don't think that she will destroy what you have. I am sure she will be strong enough not to hurt you like that. Have you spoken to her about your fears?? That is what I would do - and make her promise that if she is ever in a situation where she is afraid that she might get side tracked to call you and discuss it first. Always communicate. You can also be her biggest fan and go see her !!!

Answer 5

Okay this might hurt a little, but it's for your own good.

If you are having these feelings then you really do not trust your wife. People always say " I trust my spouse.. it's OTHER people I don't trust." Well no you really do not trust them.

It also sounds like you may have some self esteem issues. You just have to face the fact man.. she married you.. you are what she wants. If she's out in clubs there is nothing you can do about it. If you mention that you don't want her to do this... then it will be bad for your marriage. Try to learn to trust your wife.. otherwise she'll pick up on it... dump you and then she will find a guy that trusts her.

Relax man. Don't mistrust her unless she gives you a reson to mistrust her.

Answer 6

Ok... The real issue here is not the fact that she is attractive, but you're insecurity. It's normal to feel a little concerned, but you can't let yourself become obsessed about the situation, b/c THAT's what will end up causing problems in your marriage. Trust her until she gives you a reason NOT to. You would be wrong and selfish to try to squash her dreams b/c you are feeling a little insecure about what she MIGHT do. If you are both happily married like you say, then you have nothing to worry about.

Good luck!

Answer 7

Wow what a tough spot to be in, on the one hand i am sure that you want your wife to be happy and pursue her dreams but on the other hand you are aware of the statistics.....If you prevent her from doing it based on your own insecurities, she will be miserable. I think the only thing you can do is support her 100% and be there for her as often as you can. Make your presence known to other men without being overbearing. Pay attention to her there will be signs before it actually happens and you can prevent it from happening by showing her what a great man you are, You can't predict the future and what might happen , you can only prepare for every outcome and have some fun along the way. Hopefully things will work out well for you. good luck!

Answer 8

I've been married for 18 yrs. now and yes, there was at times concerns. He was and is very popular. {knows everyone & very good looking guy} Over the years it has taken a lot of trust and talking to make it to 18yrs. He also has friends that are in bands too. {alot of bars}

If you make her feel that she is #1 all the time and speical to you. Stay involved and interested in her life style. You can trust her because you've already given her everything she wants and needs. Don't question yourself, be confedent that she's already with YOU!

Answer 9

a few options here, noone should put themselves into a tempting situation...that being said, she should... have an all female group... and you should be there at all of her functions when she plays, so you can protect her from "fans", lol! no need to go to the practices if it's an all female group =). If she would be the only lady and the rest of them men, who is to say they won't decide to group rape her? =(... I suppose some groups do work out where there are men and women, but, it should be at least 2 of each... she probably will remain faithful but you should not trust any other man that joins the group...so, if there are men in it, I would have them practice at your house, hehe, when you are there =). Good Luck! oh, adding something here...how about using her talent at church instead of a local bar or pub? =) God sure could use her, lol!

Answer 10

You can be jealous or concerned, nobody can tell you how to feel, but you should be asking yourself do you want to feel that way. Maybe you need to find some hobbies that can help you build your confidence so you don't feel that way. Another thing you might want to do is tell you wife that you are uneasy about her spending so much time with other men. If you tell her that (without attacking her) she can be more sensitive to your feelings by including you in on time with these guys occasionaly. But you can't ask her not to do this, she will resent you and quite frankly you would be a jerk to try to make her feel bad for wanting to pursue this. Good luck!