I was coming out of a bad divorce and convinced myself that all I needed was physical pleasure, I didn’t want to have any feelings at all. But after getting it all out of my system, I am finding lately that I do want more. I’m tired of being just a plaything. But I definitely do not think I can ever get married again. I am not cut out to be married, and it’s best for me to live alone. I'm okay with that. Yet I still long for a heartfelt connection with someone. Is it possible to have this but remain living independently? And where are all the good guys now that I'm looking for them! I am 35, btw.
2007-08-22 02:51:21 · 19 answers · asked by meagain 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Its possible as long as you are honest from the start with the person you get into a relationship with. You have to be honest with them and hope that they are willing to agree and not want to get married either. If you dont set your standards from the beginning that person may want to settle down and get married and go through the embarrasement of being rejected.
2007-08-22 02:56:15 · answer #1 · answered by DatDrMaHeLuvs 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It is possible to feel a heartfelt connection with someone without getting married or without living together.But the only question that you need to answer once you find that connection is "where do i go from here?". As not many people in this world are unselfish enough to risk having a heartfelt connection with no future obligations. It is very rare for people to be stuck in the 'now' and not want to move forward.
2007-08-22 09:58:10 · answer #2 · answered by Blindtruth 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you could compartmentalize your needs and get them met in different ways. For example, if you want sex, you can still do the friends with benefits thing. If you want a heartfelt connection with someone, perhaps what would work is if you didn't pigeon-hole yourself into thinking it would have to be with a man. I am a married man and I would consider my connection to a particular male friend of mine to be quite heartfelt. However, I have NO desire to have sex with him, lol.
As for your sexual needs, I think you're making a classic mistake that many women in your situation make, by labeling yourself a "plaything". It implies that you feel used. However, if you would allow yourself just a slightly different perspective, you could switch that in your mind to the concept that it is not you who is the plaything, but rather the man you are using for sex who is the plaything -- your plaything.
If you don't want to be married, divide up your needs and get them met by as many people as it takes.
2007-08-22 10:01:53 · answer #3 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are a woman. you will NEVER just need physical pleasure. We are emotional beings, you cant do anything without some feeling involved, no matter how much you stuff it down.
we all long for a heartfelt connection with someone. you can live independently until the cows come home, but it might be in your best interest to join a club, class or organization to help you be around people and do something productive. youll feel good about yourself and you can meet some pretty nice people with things in common with you. you wont be alone forever, dont give up hope.
2007-08-22 09:56:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think all the good guys are married. It's harder to find a relationship as you described.. I bet you will either date all your life and never have a meaning relationship or you will find someone again that you want spend the rest of your life w/. It's normal to feel the way you do especially after coming out of bad divorce. Give yourself more time and when you find someone right, you will know what to do. Good luck!
2007-08-22 10:05:27 · answer #5 · answered by Krazy K 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it is unrealistic to say for absolute certainty that one only wants "FWB" forever....at 35...or any age....we have no idea what the future old. All you can say for certainty is what you want for now. What you wanted was no strings attached, and now you long for an emotional attachment. You are totally normal. What you want has just changed as you have healed from your divorce. Go with it and stop making rules for yourself!
2007-08-22 09:57:07 · answer #6 · answered by caraanne2005 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The problem with friends with benifits is that you don't get any emotional relief and release , or you become very attached and end up married or common law. It's a hard search , looking for that one person that fits your criteria.
2007-08-22 10:42:10 · answer #7 · answered by reinformer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have an attitude like that no men will ever loyaly and faithfully marry you. Don't be sad maybe he isn't the right guy for you, you should search for another guy with a good attitude and brain. Depend on God, He will guide you through your life and marry the right guy. Amen.
2007-08-22 09:57:01 · answer #8 · answered by The Boy Next Door 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dont rush to fill the void in your life. You want more because you are used to more, do you really need more? Sometimes it is good to be alone for a while afterwards so you can decided what you liked and didnt like about your last relationship and build on it.
2007-08-22 09:54:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
I am sure there is a male counterpart to you. Someone who is emotionally damaged. Someone who wants to care a lot, but not too much and have sex too, sometimes but not all the time.
Your time would have been better spent healing yourself.
2007-08-22 10:12:36 · answer #10 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋