Does he want it ? What do I do ?

Question

My ex & I were together for 5 1/2 years & we split up basically in Nov '06. Meanwhile he has been living with this skanky *** married woman & her 4 children. Whom she just recently had an affair with his best friend & is now living with his other friend because neither of them have a job or anything for that matter. Recently we tried it again, I think his was under false pretenses because his parents were in town. I have loved this man with everything I have in me & tried so hard to make things right this last time. Well over the weekend, I found out I'm pregnant. I have a 12 yr old son who is mentally retarded and he is my life. I called him on Sunday to tell him & the first phone call was horrible he basically said ok. Then he called back a few hours later when she wasnt around & I told him we needed to talk face to face about his thoughts on what we should do. And here it is 3 days later & still no call. To me it sounds like she is more important than his first baby?

I am scared to death of raising another child on my own. And I am worried about what affect this will have on my son. We tried to have a baby for about 3 years when we were together & it never happened. I dont want to keep asking him what he wants to do because it will just piss him off. So what do i do ? I cant stop crying. I know it sounds like a damn soap opera and trust me I wish I could change it.

Other than this things are pretty stable in my life. I own my home, wonderful job, just bought a new car & amazing friends & family. Just cant believe that a man who wanted to have a child so badly before could just act like it is no big deal and wash his hands of it. Hurts my feelings.

Answer 1

It sounds like he doesn't want anything to do with you or the baby if he hasn't even called you back to discuss it. In addition, do you really want a baby with this loser? Even if he does manage to stick around through the pregnancy, what's to say you'll get ANY help from him after the baby is born. If you don't want to raise the child alone, then you have an even more difficult choice ahead of you. I think he's avoiding the situation in hopes that it will go away. Good luck to you, this is tough, I'm sorry. Stay away from this jackass though, he's got no interest in you or your children.

Answer 2

Honey this sounds like a really scary time for you and you've got some tough decisions to make. Maybe you could find some kind of a counsellor to talk with about what options you may have? You're probably best assuming you'll get no support from your ex - then if you did get any it would be an added bonus and not something you were depending on. Whatever you decide it's going to be hard on you - but you've already done a great job bringing up your son all alone so it's obvious that you're strong and you'll find a way thru this. Don't forget that ;-)

Answer 3

I wont be quite as harsh as some others here... it is not my place to judge or to tell you how to run your life, tough I do want to question your decisions...

Right now, you are pregnant and you have a son who is mentally challanged. Can you really afford to have a baby now? Especially by a jerk who is sleeping around with a married woman. He used you, he hurt you, and what;s worse you let him... so what are you going to do now?

Too often are men irresponsible in this way leaving women stuck with pregnancies they dont want and didnt plan for, BUT women also have to be responsible. It is our body after all.

There are options... you can abort, you can go through with the pregnancy and give it up for adoption, or you can have this baby and love him/her with all that you have and are! He isnt going to be there, hopefully you wont fall for it again! He just wont, the fact that you are pregnant and he hasnt called or offered to do anything tells you that he basically doesnt feel its his problem. So now its your problem. You have to do what is best for YOU. Regardless of what others will think or say, what is best for you?

Right now ur hurting, your confused, scared, and unsure of what the future will hold. You need support, and lots of friends near by right now. Keep your friends close to you honey, you need them.

Answer 4

I am mad at you for worrying about it pissing him off. You put your self first at this point. Now I know you are about to be upset with what I am going to say. You can't change it now. But in the future choose your mate more carefully. The signs are there that he does not care about you. He is cheating, living with a woman, no job= can not support you or the baby. He used you as a cover up when his parents came. All he could say was OK when you have a life inside you. He can only speak with you when SHE is not around. Don't you play second string to NO ONE. YES SHE (THE OTHER WOMAN) IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN HIS FIRST CHILD OR HE'D BE THERE NOW.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, SON, AND UNBORN CHILD. GOD BLESS YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 5

YES! Your EX is self centered and you should never have given him the time of day! You made a mistake, mistakes happen that is what we call life. Get yourself together and don't be waiting for his call because it sounds as if he has left you to make your own decision about what YOU should do. You, regardless of his involvement, will be raising this child on you own. In regards to relationships, sometimes love just isn't enough, its true what they say, it takes two! Good Luck.

Answer 6

Woman, you are in a mess. He doesn't sound like he has grown up, he is living with another woman who doesn't respect him, staying with friends and not working not to mention putting on appearances for his parents at your expense. I don't know him, but I am pretty certain that I wouldn't even talk to a man like this. If I were you, I would not have any more communication with him than was necessary, I wouldn't have the baby, I would start with a clean slate. You can be and can have any life that you choose. Is this the sort of life that you choose for yourself. You are worth more than that I am certain.

Answer 7

I don't see how you could love a man whose taste is so poor that he lives with a skanky married woman. (By the way, how does the woman's husband feel about your ex living in his house with them?) If she's skanky, that implies that his tastes run toward skanky and that you are therefore similar.

I don't see how you could love a man who is banging a married woman.

I don't see how you could love a man who made you his ex.

I don't see how you could love a man who doesn't care enough about you to be careful not to get you pregnant.

I don't see how you could love a man who doesn't even call you for 3 days after learning that you are pregnant.

Your standards seem very, very low. Do you not think you deserve any better than this?

Answer 8

Sounds to me that you must decide what to do about your pregnancy based on a future without your ex. From what you have written, even if he comes around, you can not count on him in the long run... and kids are the long run as you well know. This man will not even stand on the plate long enough to have a damn conversation about this HUGE development. Do not count on him. Base your decision on your resources and abilities.
When someone treats you that poorly and you continue to hang on... it's usually more an addictive relationship than real love.... and I mean love as a verb.... He does not appear to be able to give love and you're hanging on to an addiction... not the act of love. Move on... you need to provide yourself with relationships with others that are capable of loving you.

Answer 9

i guess you are going to have to make this desicion on your own...obviously he doesn't want anything to do with you. You have to look at your beliefs about planned parenthood and decide what you want to do. There are many options...but you really need to sit down and think about what is best for you and your 12 yr old son and the unborn child. Don't worry about this man....if you can even call him a man. You need to do what is right for you and your child(ren).

Answer 10

Oh good god! You don't worry about what he thinks....Pissing him off if you keep calling? Do you really want someone like that around your child or your child to be? You can do like I did, call him back and say listen, I'm having this baby...are you the father or the sperm donor... the choice is yours. Either you are in or you are out. If you are in then you are in completely; if you are out then go away forever and don't look back. It really doesn't matter to me. Just make up your mind by (give him a time) and let me know either way. And if you don't hear from him by then....thank your lucky stars.