do you think i'm being rude?

Question

I'm really shy by nature & work within a place of several , 6 of whom i work with closely and the rest is the "pleasant acknowledgment" but thats all. because i'm shy i feel insecure at times about being boring and being left out. the others are 7+ years older than me (i'm 23) yet sometimes act like theyre 16 and i dont really wish to join in. however theres one girl who is always sarcastic to me and has upset others as well as myself. in the end i sit at my desk, work and keep to myself because i dont like this girl much and when i do try, she is mean or simply pretends i'm not there. another worker acknowledges me but wont bother having much to do with me, am i giving off the impression i am there to work and thats all? i want to make friends with them but this one cow has to be centre of attention and being shy i end up alone and left out from "coffee breaks" etc as i choose to keep to myself and not put up with her rubbish. the others are wary of her but still want to be around her

sorry if that didnt make sense. but basically i'm asking whether i should let this get to me or just continue on working and make friends with fellow work mates if they want to. I mean I am getting close to one lady who is down to earth, fun and easy to talk to but when shes not there, 3 of the others join together and it seems like the cow is out to rub it in my face that they will have lunch together and i'm not invited. this may not be the case but i feel they can be rude and i worry that i am giving the impression that i dont want to be around them. in a way i dont, while the cow is carrying on but i do like the others and dont want to push them away if they are interested in being more friendly rather than just talking about our clients etc. we work in a professional role and i understand we need some free and fun time but i take it so personally that i'm not invited to join in and blame myself for being so boring that i dont know how to fix it now.. ideas based on that ramble?!

Answer 1

WELL. i hate to say it, but you might come off as a little rude to your coworkers, only because they think that your a little snobby, or stuck up. A good way to change this appearance is trying to be a little bit more assertive than what you are, because if you act nice, they might think your phiney, and your a pushover, thats not true. So assert more of your problems, dont let anyone stand in your way.

Answer 2

the person you refer to as the cow is probably just super insecure, afraid that nobody really likes her. you want to be friends with the others in the group, invite them to lunch a couple days ahead of time. If they should ask why the other person wasn't invited, be honest - you don't have to be mean, but find a pleasant way to explain that you don't care for her. If you don't feel comfortable walking up to these people and asking them to lunch, you can send an e-mail or even one of those little e-vites. It's an electronic invitation, they're cute & fun. They might like it :)
For coffee breaks, you could also send an e-mail telling them you're going to Starbucks or something & ask if they want to go too - or if they want you to bring back something for them. Everyone loves Starbucks, right? Send out your note or just ask them early in the morning before this other person has a chance to make plans with them.
I'm not saying you should do this every day, but start off asking them once a week & step it up from there.
You could also try the divide and conquer method. start becoming really good friends with one of the other women, preferrable the one who appears to be the second most dominate person compared to the "cow". If these women truly don't like the "cow", and the next highest leader starts hanging out with you, they'll start hanging out with you too.

Answer 3

Oh man, i can't stand people like the cow...but IM afraid we just can't avoid them ... if I were you, (and i used to be shy and choose to be by myself) I would practise being a little more assertive,, find some cheeky one liners to put that cow in her place..seems like your a strong girl, the others seem a bit weak.. i mean who in their right mind would want to be friends with a cow like that.. but I suppose we do things to keep the so called peace.or to keep thing easy going.. who wants to work in misery.. but it sounds like you are, which sux. play her own game but do it with style and dignity.. you will soon have many respected friends and the cow might just learna lesson from you..lol

Answer 4

Do as you're doing. IGNORE the COW as you call her. Keep the friendship going with whoever you can and maybe you can find out from one of the others what EXACTLY the cows problem is with you. She may feel insecure and as such see you as a threat as she might lose her friends.

Answer 5

i dont like people that r cows. i think that u should just go up to her (work on ur shyness, girl) and be like u wanna have friends? well there are cows at the nearby farm!!!!!! jk.i wouldnt have the guts to say that. but still i think that she's bugging u becasue she knows ur weakness. (shyness!!!!! get rid of it!!!!) learn to stand up for urself and talk to people!!! just go up to someone during a break and talk to them. i did that once and it worked!!

Answer 6

Be friends with your workers on breaks.