Only child a lonely child???

Question

I have a 5 year old daughter, a lot of people keep asking, when is the next one arriving?
When I say not now maybe in a few years, they always say "an only child is a lonely child".
My daughter has a large group of friends and a lot of cousins.
Do you think this saying is true?

Answer 1

Hi missy,

People love to comment, don't they?
It's like someone walking up to you and saying "huh, blue shirt today?"
Not really sure why people insist on throwing their comment on someone, especially when it involves their children or their parenting approach

I too am happily proudly raising an only child. The last two people who commented and said "an only child is a lonely child" received a smile from me and I said "I'd like you to show me two kids happier than this one....."

Answer 2

I have a 14 mo. old, 6, 9, and 13 year old, all boys. The 14 mo. old lives with us, the older boys have parenting time on weekends, holidays, school breaks, etc. My 14 mo. old son gets really excited when they are here, and appears to enjoy that time much more than when they aren't. However he also gets overexcited and sometimes overstimulated when they are and needs time away from them and/or a nap. While I do plan to have another child at some point, I don't think my son is lonely - he seems happy and normal when his brothers aren't here too. And I have a friend who keeps saying, "What if you're not meant to have another child? What if you are meant to have only one spectacular child, and another child would interfere with that?" So while my personal choice is that at least two siblings full-time with each other is best, there are advantages and disadvantages both ways. No one can tell you better which is best for you and your daughter than the two of you. It can be really frustrating to hear other people's opinions if they're negative - good luck! (:

Answer 3

No, take it from me, I am 23 years old and have a 2, 3 and 4 year old, and possibly another one on the way (wont know if I miscarried until tomorrow) .... I really wish I had more one on one time, and I think it's wonderful that your daughter has that special time with mommy.....an only child is a spoiled with love child, and there is nothing wrong with that...just comment back when they say something - "A only child is a lonely child" and be like "A only child is a spoild with love child" - which means that you aren't fighting to have to give your attention to others and your daughter knows she is loved!! God Bless you, and when you are ready for another one, then you are ready, don't allow others to push you into having another child because they are minipulating your into thinking your daughter is lonely!!! :)

Answer 4

Edit: In no way am I saying EVERY only child will be the same - but it's impossible to deny that being an only child has NO effect on your personality.

Ok, now I can't pretend to be an expert, as I am a 17 year old CHILD myself.
But I see this daily with one of my good friends.

He's now 17, and an only child.
He is popular, friendly, likable etc...
But the effects of being an only child run deeper than simply how many friends your kid has.

1) He's selfish as hell - never having to share with anyone, he doesn't see why he should now.

2) He's an attention-craver; if he brings a friend home and his mother spends more than a few minutes talking to them, he'll have a strop. It's pathetic.

There are a few other, slightly more complex things that I can assume are a result of his being an only child, but they're a little more... far-fetched.

Answer 5

Hi there,

people shouldn't say things like that to you - some people can only have one child for medical reasons and they don't know this isn't the case with you.

I can tell you that both my parents were only children from broken marriages and they had me and my sister because they said they were both lonely, but with the added dimension of growing up in a 'broken home' as they called it.

As a general rule the 'only' children in my school were alot more mature and grown up than the children with siblings, probably becasue they hadn't been around other kids as much and spent too much time with adult company.

So, as long as your kid had plenty of friends to play with then they shouldn't be lonely - holidays can be a problem, finding other kids to play with etc...... some people I know team up with other couples who have kids......

I'm pregnant with my second and my hubby keeps telling me that our 2 year old daughter is getting bored now and it's time for some company for her....... I know company can also mean rows, fights etc.... but I don't want to leave the one kid with the burden of older parents when we're older. Also, at the end of the day when the other kids have gone home you only child is on its own.

So, you have to think of all the dimensions to it - if you have another one now, there will be 5 or more years age gap - will they be close anyway now - probably not, but when they're older they will be?

Sophia

Answer 6

I'm in the same situation, I have a 1 year old, and I'm not too sure about having another, the thing is, as an only child you wouldn't know any different. I have 2 brothers and a sister and I know what its like with siblings, I wouldn't change it for the world, it has been great to have them, especially now that we all have our own children... I don't know if I want my little girl to miss out on that experience too. Its a hard one, there is also the whole financial pressure with the more children you have.

Answer 7

No, I grew up as an only child, yes, I was lonely sometimes but no more than a child from a lrage family who doesnt always get on with their siblings. I became adept at entertaining myself and I had lots of friends nearby.

My son is also an only child and he has friends, yes, he moans about not having a brother sometimes but when I tell him about all the things he would have to share, he then realises how lucky he is!

Answer 8

a well supported happy child is better than a child with a sibling, and a stressed out parent with finances cut in half because she wanted her daughter to have "company" there are lots of reasons to have kids, but as an extra friend for your daugther...that doesnt seem like a reasonable one. youre the mom! you know whats best for your family, so trust your gut. my dad was an only child and is a really happy guy, and seemed to have a great childhood and actually has very close friends from his childhood which i think a lot of people lack. however, my mom is one of 8 and also a happy and well adjusted adult. its more about the parenting than the number of kids that really matter.

Answer 9

You know what as a mom of ten (2 of them are my step daughters and I have four month old triplets) I get interference of a different kind like-when are you gonna stop having kids do you not think you have enough already?
I firmly believe that most parents will do what is best for their children or at least what they beloev to be best for their children.
I can't imagine life without a bug family and I know that my kids appreciate having eachother around for company but equally there are advantages to having an only child-more attention,more time perhaps more care all round and as you say she has plenty of company in her friends and cousins.
You know your own child and family best,if you are content with one precious little girl for now then that is the way it should be.

Answer 10

I say it depends on how you raise her.

I am an only child and I would have given my right arm for a brother or sister as a child. As I've grown older, I've realised my loneliness stemmed not from my lack of a sibling but from the fact that my parents did not engage with me as much as they could have. They were quite old when they had me and were quite disconnected with me while I was growing up - they didn't have the time or the energy to play with me or to take me to playdates and since I was a late addition to the family, none of my cousins were anywhere near my age. I spent a lot of lonely afternoons and evenings locked in my room without anyone to play with - as a result I became a very introverted person, and still face a lot of difficulty interacting with other people my own age.

If you plan only to have one child, please make every effort to ensure that you are engaged and interacting with your child, and also ensuring that your child is interacting with kids her own age.