How can you help you kids have a better life than you?

Question

I always hear people say that they want their kids to have a better life then them. My dad says that also. Yet I always hear of people not having a better life than their parents, and then that gets passed on to their kids. In the first place, the parents usually have nothing to teach the kids. Like my parents for example. My dad trys to give me advice, and tell me that he wants better things for me, and tells me what to do and what not to do to make something of myself, yet he hasn't done anything with his life, and his personal advice is crap. I have learned to not do what he has done with himself. So how can parents who haven't really done anything successful teach their kids to do a lot of great things with their lives?

Answer 1

If parents is not successful but want their son to be successfull, no.1 they have to ADMIT that they are NOT SUCCESSFUL.
Say sorry to children is not undignified.

They have to lead, something like :
"Maybe" you should do this and that.....so you can be (whatever)........." or
"I think, maybe ...IF you do this and that ... maybe you can be (whatever) .........."

What then you should do is( as the child) FIND SOMEBODY WHO HAS BEEN SUCCECCFUL, and be w him. i.e. Be his driver/ work in that company/ see what his hobby and be one of his helper ......etc etc
That is one very successful way.

What my parents did was send me to the "top" school, as a future father you can do it. That's what I told my step sons to do too, and it works too.

In a position of a child (you), now that you skipped that experience, mix yr self w people whom you think already successful.

What I did to my son when he was in Uni, and wanted to work during holidays, :
I told him : Dont work in MD or any fast food restaurant even if money was good and work was easy and lots of mates there;
He was studying Graphyc Design so I said be an office boy in a reputable Graphyc Designer office. "Listen" there!!
Try to absorb the success of the principal.
Also :
As he didn't really need the money but he had to have experience of being a "slave" of some kind; it's a good mental training.
So he did. And the Principal came to like him, he elected himsel to be my son's mentor , so at the end of his study , that's the plce he got the first experience.( Started as being an office boy.)

There is no such "dirty" work if you want to be successful.

I can talk and talk if you like, but you have to find the right environment, and a good mentor, to start with .

Answer 2

You actually answered your own question....." I have learned to not do what he has done himself" The reason why parents do this is for sincere reasons.They really do want you to have it better than them. Did your parents put a roof over your head? Did your parents make sure you had enough to eat? That alone is a successful thing. Also you seem like you turned out okay...this doesn't just come from you being a good person, I'm sure they had something to do with it.

Answer 3

It was easy to have a better life than my parents did. The first step was NOT to follow their bad example! The other factor was that the advice my father gave me was really very good, even though he himself was not successful in practicing it, but I lived by it and it helped me a lot. As for the generation following me, there isn´t one, both me and my one sibling who share the same set of parents decided not to pass the buck and we haven´t had children and don´t plan any. Nevertheless, my example and my advice have been useful to countless people I have met along the path of life although they were not biological family. My final thought is: Think for yourself! Your parents are not the only people you can look to for an example, nor for advice. Find someone among the gazillion people on this planet who seems worthy of imitation to you and use them as a guide in deciding what to do with your life. I for example was able to find two couples who had good marriages (unlike my parents), although it took some looking. Seek and ye shall find!

Answer 4

Success is something dat takes time and for most parents they are still trying to fulfill a dream while takin care of their children. It aint easy raising a child and it is that much difficult when you arent ready. Like I have my daughter and I am just 22 almost 23. The only reason why I would say that I am not ready for my daughter is cause I am in da military currently deployed to Afghanistan and I still have about 3 and a half years to go in da military. So I will not see her for da first 4 years of her life like I would want to. But everyday there is something dat you learn. You dont just stop learning afta high school or those fortunate enuff to go to college. So whether or not ya fathers advice is lame or not try to understand it from his prospective. You are coming up in a different generation. Put ya self in his shoes and try to imagine what he went thru or is currently going thru and then try and criticize.

Answer 5

WHY do you take what you have for granted? You're Dad wants better things for you, and maybe so far he has given those to you. He may have had some birthday or Christmas where he got very little and tried to do more for you. The poor guy, hes trying to help you and you roll your eyes at what he has to say. Now, I'm not saying that you need to follow the advice, but be gracious enough to listen to it. There will be a day when you wont have him around to talk to and you'll miss that... or worse... your kids will do it to you.

Answer 6

Life history!! How do you measure success? I am 28 i had a university place i have had a short career great social life while i was in my career peak. NOW i am a mum to 3 children under 6 about to finalise my divorce pregnant with my new fiancee's baby!! I am studying web design course while i am pregnant while my fiancee goes out to work to support us! Now please answer me how do you measure success??? It's not what you do Success is in the heart and the people you share you wisdome with. All parents can do is lead their children on the right path you can't take the journey for them! IF you teach them values/manner/respect/maturity then that's the best you can do for them

Answer 7

You sounda bit harsh - but that is your youth. And that is the one thing your parents have that you do not have - experience.
Next time your dad says that, ask him why he says that. Talk to him and listen to what he is telling you.
My children could say the same thing about me, as you have said about your father. But my experience has taught me the value of a good childhood, peaceful, with no major ups and downs. Unlike my own - My father was a drunken, bad tempered womaniser and my mother a bad tempered, jealous, religious fanatic. So I know the value of a good childhood.
Your father can help you, if you want his help. He's learned by his mistakes, I hope you learn by his mistakes, too, rather than your own.

Answer 8

I've heard tell, and I believe it, that if you're not careful, you grow up to be JUST LIKE your parents, since they are your earliest behavior models.
So from your end, encourage their individuality and independence, all the time demonstrating the value of "interdependence". You won't have to do anything else if you give these kids the freedom of developing their own individuality. Most parents make the mistake of trying to get their kids to be like them. It's not about wealth. It's about freedom to fall and get back up again, and unconditional love from the parent...it costs you nothing but love and understanding.

Answer 9

Good question! Take my advice with a grain of salt because I don't have any kids of my own, but here goes:
Teach values to your kids. Show them that there IS a difference between right and wrong. Give them love and discipline in equal amounts. Make it clear to them that they can safely and openly talk about ANYTHING with you. Live the sort of life that you do not need to hide from them, and do not let them hide their lives from you.
Give your kids the intellectual and moral framework they need to be reliable, upstanding people, and they'll do just fine.

Answer 10

I have found that the pendulum swings from one side to another generation after another. One generation is taught moral principles and how to do all activities like cooking cleaning and work. Then when they grow up they think a better way of life for their children is to let them do any dam thing they want, so they don't have to work so hard like they had to. Little do they know that the good character they have is due to the things they where taught. Now they rob their children of that. (NONSENSE) Best to teach children about God and to love thy neighbor as ones self and no prejudice, and cleanliness and fairness,etc. But if you don't' have it they will have to go somewhere to get it if they are sincere seekers of Truth and righteousness.