Falling out of love - will it get better or should I leave?

Question

My boyfriend of six months recently left for 8 weeks (Army training). When he came back, I realized I didn't love him the way I had before he left, if at all.

This happened in my last relationship. I suddenly lost feelings for someone who once meant the world for me, and I immediately ended it, a decision that I still regret.

After he got back, it didn't take long for me to realize I'd fallen out of love with him. I still love him in a friendly way, but we started getting into big fights that showed that we have fundamental conflicts of character.

My boyfriend is an amazing man and I still have fun with him. He constantly talks about our future together and he adores me. I know that he would fall into self-abuse (alcohol, drugs, etc) if I left, and I'm afraid that I would regret leaving someone who cared so much about me.

I am moving so this will be long-distance. I don't know if I should stay with him and hope that these feelings come back, or end the relationship now. Help?

Answer 1

Let him go to find someone that will truly love him. It is not your responsibility to be his parent. If he gets involved with something when you leave, he is being immature and irresponsible. It is unfair to you and to him to stay in a relationship that is not right.

Answer 2

I just went through the same thing this very night. I was with someone for almost 2 years now and the next step for us was actually to be engaged... but lately it felt like we were just friends and the spark wasn't there anymore for me. I told him how I felt because it was only fair that he knows instead of leading him on to think that I still loved him as much as I used to. It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life because he is a perfect guy that doesn't deserve heartbreak, but it was something that needed to be done. He will either say "Let's try to work this out" or "F-U, goodbye". Or both, in that order, as it happened to me tonight. If you feel you are ready to take the plunge, go ahead. I'm still not sure if I was ready...

Answer 3

I am torn on answering this one, at first it seemed as though it must have been just lust (with the Army guy) but after reading all of your dilemma, I am thinking now that maybe you have some emotional or commitment issues that you need to deal with. Get to the bottom of it so you don't hurt another person. And as far as you feeling guilt about the guy you are currently with, if he gets into all that "partying", you need reassurance right now-that that is "not your fault". YOu have to worry about your own self, and if he is that weak anyway, you don't need a guy like that in your life. My best advice is to get in touch with yourself a little more before you become involved with the next guy.

Answer 4

Here's how to make sure you should leave...try doing some of the things you once did with him and see if you feel as you did before he left. I wish for you peace and wisdom.

Answer 5

Always go with your feelings,stay friends if you both wish too,
life is telling you its not the right time, take care and do not feel guilty as its your life and happiness that counts.!!

Answer 6

if he is in army he will have to deal with the separation anyway but if u think it is over let him down easily dont just meet another dude and let him find out when he comes home. call him less and answer his calls less once he is stationed he will start to meet girls anyway and will not be interested in u anymore.

Answer 7

Stay single until you know what you want. You said this happened before, too. Make lists of what you need fron a man, what you want to have (needs and wants are not the same) and the third on what you can't stand. Don't show the list to anyone, but compare the guys you meet with your list.