I just had 2 tumors removed from my breast. (I'm fine) Father in law makes jokes about nipples being uneven.

Question

He did this in front of a lot of people at a family party. I didn't think it was funny, as another person standing with me is a breast cancer survivor. We were both upset and yelled at him. I went to another area of the party and stayed away from him the rest of the night. He went to other people and told them that I was just being a b---- and can't understand how his son could stay married to a f------ cu--! (We've been married 17years!) He also told this to my husband and in front of my kids (ages 15 and 11)! What should I say if he starts talking like this again? I try to stay away from him as much as possible because of his vulgar language but have to see him at family gatherings.

Btw, my screen name is a joke about my two kids names, they both start with D.

Answer 1

Tell your husband to straighten out his father. Tell him to tell his father that the subject of your breasts or any other body part is off limits. Everyone at the party knew that his comments were inappropriate. He made a fool of himself, and is too stupid to realize it. No one is going to say anything to you or to him, but I would bet my life savings that they were talking about how rude he was behind his back!!!! Sorry to hear about your surgery. I hope that everything is good now. Don't worry about insensitive jerks. Every family has one!!!

Answer 2

If he doesn't apologize....don't have anything more to do with him... and your hubby will just have to back you up. What he said to you is unforgivable. I am also a survivor and had a similar situation develop between me and one of my hubby's uncles. Only he was telling people some propaganda crap from an antiabortion group that was saying the reason for younger and younger women getting breast cancer was the "fact" that they had abortions when they were teens. So at a family gathering as I sat there in my father-in-laws home ill from my chemo treatments with my hair falling out etc, he asked me in front of my hubby's family when I had my abortion and who the Daddy was. My father-in-law and my hubby physically removed the man from the house and told him to never come back. That is how people like that need to be treated.

Answer 3

Either skip the family gatherings or make sure they play softball, and whack him across the knee with a bat.

"Sorry, Pops! Just wanted you to know what it feels like to be a little uneven! You'll be walking again in no time!"

Or, go to the gatherings and treat him like you would a Down's Syndrome child; tell your children and anyone else who asks that you understand, there is nothing you can do about him and to have pity, because early onset Alzheimer's is SO dishertening. No one in their right mind would say things like that; ergo, he isn't in his right mind. His early [drug habit / alcohol dependency / bout of syphillis] has finally turned his brain into 2 pounds of Swiss cheese. You hope his dear wife, who you love like a mother, will learn to cope when he becomes incontinent, and that he doesn't become violent . . .

Take the high ground. Don't try to confront him. Don't demand explanations or apologies. Smile sweetly and sadly like you did when your two-year old messed his pants in church. You didn't ask the baby to apologize, did you? Don't ask him. Don't get mad, either; he can't help it, due to those two pounds of Swiss cheese. Let the rest of the family realize something is wrong with the old fart.

Answer 4

Tell your husband about what you feel about it and ask him to tell his dad to stop being an asshole. If your husband doesn't do anything about it, then go tell it yourself. Tell him it's not appropriate and it's not funny. Another thing thou, he's making himself look bad anyway because an educated person would look down on him when they hear sth like that coming out of his mouth. Your husband and the kids are more important and as long as they're on our side, no worry. He's only your father in law. Eventually it will get old or people would be tired if him saying that and tell him to shut up anyway LOL

Final line is he's an asshole. don't listen to him lol

Glad you are ok after that removal

Answer 5

Have you asked your husband to speak with his father about the rude jokes and vulgar language and especially its use in front of your young children. After 17 years have you NEVER had to deal with his behavior like this before. You may have to stop going to family gatherings or tell him if his language and rude jokes continue you and your family will no longer share his company anywhere! Sounds like he needs help.
Have you told him how you feel without yelling!?

Answer 6

That was very insensitive of him, as well as ignorant. I'm sorry that he humiliated you that way. But I don't think that you should be fighting this battle anymore. Your HUSBAND should step in and stand up to his father! I can't believe that he's said this stuff and he's aware of it. That's what you should not be tolerating. That is your life partner. As for his father and his comments, that was wrong, but there are always going to be nasty people to contend with. I know the fact that he's in your family makes it a bit more challenging, but you really don't have to take this from him. Not to mention, it shows a complete lack of respect for you and your kids.
Make your husband get a back bone!!!

Answer 7

No you don't. If he can't be a loving family member you don't have to include him in your festivities or attend the ones where he is at. Just let the rest of the family know how you feel and that they do not have to take sides, just respect how you feel about it. Bottom line is that cancer is nothing to laugh at, mock, or take lightly. Congrats on being OK. If your Father In Law cannot respect you and your husband then why put yourself in that situation.

Answer 8

Your husband should have stood up for you and also told him flat out not to talk like that in front of your children. Don't give him a chance to do it again. Avoid him. You do not have to see him at family gatherings. When you see him, walk the other way. If he says anything else, make it clear to your husband that if he doesn't straighten his *** out, you and your children will not be at anymore family functions.

Answer 9

Your husband didn't say anything? Shame on him.

No, you don't have to see him at family gatherings. My ex-mother in-law (she's an ex because the wife died) was very similar, to your father in-law.

When I was newly married to my first wife, the mother in-law rode me about everything and made off the cuff remarks about me. She was mad that her daughter married me, instead of a coule of guys she wanted the wife to marry. My wife wouldn't say anything and preferred that I didn't.

After a couple years of that, I had enough, when our third Xmas came around, my wife was surprised to find out, I wasn't going to her parents house. This was a long trip that involved a couple day stay.

When she asked why and what did she need to do, to get me to go. I told her that this year was off the table, but if her mother was made to understand I didn't deserve her treatment, than I might consider it next year.

My wife couldn't talk me into going, so she ended up going by herself. It took all of 1/2 a day at her parents house, before the wife blew up on her mom.

After that, I was at every Xmas and it was enjoyable (at least for me).

Answer 10

this is a mean man, a verbal bully, with no respect for anyone else's feelings. to be saying these things is bad enough, but to be saying them in front of your children is unforgivable. sorry, but i agree with others, your husband should have straightened this out the second it started. he is supposed to protect you from *******.
if the people he is yapping at keep laughing, he will keep telling his sick jokes. unfortunately they probably laugh because they don't know what else to say or do. they are likely as embarrassed as you are about it all. if they would excuse themselves and walk away when he starts he would soon get the idea.
have you spoke to his wife and asked her to help you?
or are they any relatives that you can ask to back you up on this subject?
if no one is willing to step up and help you out, and he still continues, then next time he starts in front of others calmly tell him that he is making a fool of himself and he should stop before he embarrasses himself any further.
if that doesn't do it then perhaps its time your husband stepped in and told his father to back off and shut the he!l up.
if that doesn't work then perhaps its time to decline invitations to family gatherings, and just explain to people that you are uncomfortable with his comments and language. and you are just plain tired of being insulted.
he is just plain nasty! i am so sorry you have to go thru this. my mum just had her surgery and boy if anyone said anything even remotely like that, my dad would clobber them. seriously.